Am I being paranoid for no reason ?

[Trace33]

My DH has been promoted to a managerial position fairly recently,meaning he deals with lots of different departments. He has a work laptop and phone which he uses in his role
A few weeks ago the alarm on his private phone went off and as I switched it off his whatsapp was open. I noticed a profile i had never seen before of quite a young girl. Admittedly I was curious and opened the chats.
They were from another manager who he deals with a lot at work ,basically discussing work and some pictures of work situations that needed to be dealt with.
The replies back forth were friendly but formal ish, there was one about thank god it was a weekend but apart from that nothing sinister.
I did mention them to him as I was confused as to why he hadnt used his work phone and he said he couldnt download the app to send pictures as it wanted an ID number and he couldnt do it.
As a former manager myself I said it was best to keep interactions with colleagues on work phones etc so youre not being contacted on your own time.
He got very defensive and had a huff about me not trusting him and why was I making an issue.
This made alarm bells ring for me a bit but it died down.
His work party is in a few weeks and in the next town over so easily accessible by cab or public transport. He has mentioned work are subsidising rooms in hotels,as a lot of staff dont live as close as we do.
He said he had booked a room and I was a bit confused as to why saying we live pretty close. He then brought up the texts and said i dont trust him and flounced off.
The next day he said he had cancelled the room and would just come home.
Today he has said the guy who took over his room cant go so he has to pay for it as the booking is still in his name.
I've not said anything either way, just said ah ok, but I get the feeling he is angling to stay there and never really gave the room up.
I'm not sure if I'm just being paranoid but I cant understand his defensiveness and also now why he would book a room for xmas night out when he could just come home.
This girl (22) is attending the party but then almost all of the senior staff are.
For context hes attend lots of work dos in the same city and always come home and hes never had random people from work on his private phone.
His behaviour at home hasnt changed but this has set alarm bells off. Just interested for an outside perspective.

"@barskits Why is his employer subsidising a hotel room for someone who lives a £10 cab ride away?"

Most employers subsidise xmas party and related hotel accommodation. No difference for those who live near or afar. Quite normal in commercial since the 80's and, all on company expenses account. This will have been budgeted for. This is nothing new.

@barskits

It's not unusual.

It's amazing how the breakdown of relationships always involve, work, whatsapp, a Christmas party and the industrial buying of extra strong mints 🤔

Op is not stupid, she will know him inside out.

You've got a 50:50 here.

But he's not OUR husband. He's yours.

You know him. If something feels off and it's unusual for you to feel 'unsafe' then I'd be digging deeper.

If there is nothing he should be finding ways to reassure you. The flouncing off would be enough to raise doubts for me.

You missed out cross dressing, closet homosexual, porn addicted only fans subscriber.

OP, you need to LTB right now, don't take any more of your narcissist husband's gas lighting and emotional abuse. Oh, and get an sti test, whoever he's cheating with probably has a full house of infections.

Or maybe rustyhandlebars is even more paranoid than the op herself?

I've been working since the late 1970's and it has never been normal at any of the businesses I've worked for (in the finance department, so I would see those expenses going through). They might lay on a coach or taxi, or subsidise a hotel room for those coming hundreds of miles from other branches, but paying for a hotel for people who live that close? Nope. It's hard enough getting employers to pay for a Christmas knees-up at all in the current financial climate.

I've been working since 1990 and not stayed more than 4 yr in any one company.
I've only know one company pay for/subsidise overnight accommodation for the christmas party, and spouses/plus ones were invited.

Quite a few companies provided a party with a meal and free bar, and usually transport to and from the office, from where you'd need to arrange your own transport.

The free bar tends to bring out the worst in people, and I've seen married men and single women snogging at such events.

Absolutely nothing I’d be concerned about - you clearly don’t trust him. And plenty of people have some contact with colleagues on personal phones, I do, doesn’t mean I fancy them

Oh whatever, email / message, I wasn’t really making a distinction and I am not sure why relevant. I understood it was on a personal device the very first time you said it. I referred to it as a “work related email” (sorry should have said work related message) because it was from a colleague and they were discussing work matters. Hence a work related email / message.

I said to the Op that clearly this was against a backdrop of a marriage in a difficult place anyway but was assured that it was was otherwise strong.

I very much doubt it’s strong on the basis of this thread

Thanks for the replies everyone. Just to clarify a few points. I have no issue with him going out or to work events. However the hotel thing is something he has never done despite it being offered every year,even to non managerial staff. He normally has no issue coming home pissed.
Also I've had my works do and he picked me up from it ,not on my insistence. He went to work the next day and I had to manage our children.
Perhaps a part of me feels a bit resentful that he gets the cosy hotel etc whilst yet again I'm at home with children, despite us both working it is me who does 90%.
Perhaps the woman at work is innocent, again it is something I've not come across before so maybe it is a part of his job I will get used to.
Either way only time will tell I suppose.

"Also I've had my works do and he picked me up from it ,not on my insistence. He went to work the next day and I had to manage our children.

Really ? You could not insist that you make and expect to make your own way home from your works xmas party? Or book a-room for yourself to stay overnight?

"Perhaps a part of me feels a bit resentful that he gets the cosy hotel etc whilst yet again I'm at home with children, despite us both working it is me who does 90%".

Well yes, you are feeling resentful . What are YOU doing to address this? What plans have you made for yourself?

"Also I've had my works do and he picked me up from it ,not on my insistence. He went to work the next day and I had to manage our children".

Ok, so your works do and then you had to deal with your own children the next day .Your husband had to go into his job. Thats's being a parent surely? Did you ask him to take a days leave prior , so you could hang over? Should have stayed the overnight in a hotel Op.