Am I being paranoid for no reason ?

[Trace33]

My DH has been promoted to a managerial position fairly recently,meaning he deals with lots of different departments. He has a work laptop and phone which he uses in his role
A few weeks ago the alarm on his private phone went off and as I switched it off his whatsapp was open. I noticed a profile i had never seen before of quite a young girl. Admittedly I was curious and opened the chats.
They were from another manager who he deals with a lot at work ,basically discussing work and some pictures of work situations that needed to be dealt with.
The replies back forth were friendly but formal ish, there was one about thank god it was a weekend but apart from that nothing sinister.
I did mention them to him as I was confused as to why he hadnt used his work phone and he said he couldnt download the app to send pictures as it wanted an ID number and he couldnt do it.
As a former manager myself I said it was best to keep interactions with colleagues on work phones etc so youre not being contacted on your own time.
He got very defensive and had a huff about me not trusting him and why was I making an issue.
This made alarm bells ring for me a bit but it died down.
His work party is in a few weeks and in the next town over so easily accessible by cab or public transport. He has mentioned work are subsidising rooms in hotels,as a lot of staff dont live as close as we do.
He said he had booked a room and I was a bit confused as to why saying we live pretty close. He then brought up the texts and said i dont trust him and flounced off.
The next day he said he had cancelled the room and would just come home.
Today he has said the guy who took over his room cant go so he has to pay for it as the booking is still in his name.
I've not said anything either way, just said ah ok, but I get the feeling he is angling to stay there and never really gave the room up.
I'm not sure if I'm just being paranoid but I cant understand his defensiveness and also now why he would book a room for xmas night out when he could just come home.
This girl (22) is attending the party but then almost all of the senior staff are.
For context hes attend lots of work dos in the same city and always come home and hes never had random people from work on his private phone.
His behaviour at home hasnt changed but this has set alarm bells off. Just interested for an outside perspective.

@feef83 erm actually no it's pretty solid to be honest.

'Am I being paranoid?' is basically 'Should I ignore this unpleasant feeling, thereby disrespecting myself?'

It doesn't matter if you're being paranoid or not; this is how you feel. It's not nice, and it's triggered by your partner, so you should be able to express, calmly, to him, how you're feeling, and get a reassuring response from him. If you can't, a 22 year old woman at his office isn't your problem; your problem is trust, both ways, in your relationship. You don't trust him to be faithful, and he doesn't trust that you know he's a good man.

Talk to him. Not in an 'Are you having an affair??' way, but in a 'Darling, I need some reassurance' way. If he cares about your feelings, he'll reassure you.

You say you have young children so I dont really blame him wanting to stay over the night even if he can get home, and do you really wanting him turning back home pissed up, waking you up when he gets home?

In summary.
He had a very business like conversation on his personal whattsapp.
He wants to stay in hotel, same hotel a number of his colleagues are staying in after work party.

and that's it.

What makes you not trust him, then? There's something niggly going on. What you've seen alone wouldn't make a solid relationship doubtful.

Alarm bells immediately go off?

However something feels off. I didnt accuse him of anything and he was very hostile which he isnt usually.

and now on mumsnet garnering views on whether you should be paranoid about your DH having an affair?

I read the post. Perhaps you should read mine better, I specifically said “work related email” that is, an email about work matters, which it was.

The fellow manager is the 22 year old you’re worried about?

I would be pretty annoyed if my DH read messages between myself and a coworker then questioned me on them.
If he doesn't normally book a hotel then that might be dodgy but equally he might just fancy a night where he can totally relax and not worry about waking the kids coming home drunk or be woken up at 6am.

@Aprilx it wasnt an email on his business account. It was whatsapp instant message on his private phone.

Why wouldn't he just say that to his wife then, instead of this big rigmarole about cancelling rooms and people not paying blah blah blah. All sounds a bit off imvho.

If his work are paying for most of the hotel booking I can see why he wants to stay over, easy just to fall into bed at the end of the night, I'd actually probably do this. Maybe he was looking foward to a lie in too.
I think you're being paranoid.

Is this 22 year old the line manager of your husband and is your husband a lot older than 22. Is there a specific reason why he is being managed but someone much younger than him or is that normal in the industry he works in.

I don’t know it’s all unhealthy, she’s read perfectly innocent what’s app messages between him and a colleague and has now decided he wants to go there so he can shag this 22 year old, who would likely rather eat her own left foot.

the op knows full well why he wants to stay, it’s a night in a hotel after a boozy night out, and a long lie in and brekkie. Who doesn’t want that. I do.

never fails to amaze me the amount of women who look at their husbands and think any woman would want them, even 22 year olds. They are just his for the taking and gagging to shag him. In my experience the more someone thinks this the more troll like this husband is.

op do you even know if this woman is in a relationship, gay, straight, what makes you think she’d even want to shag your husband, look at him cold and hard. We get your besotted. But do you really think his female work colleagues will risk it all as he is so utterly desirable

It would seem this “young girl” off 22 year old is a manager.

Good on her!

Well yes, that sounds feasible.
But surely in a solid marriage, which OP has confirmed they have, is it not more normal for someone to mention to their OH that there is a chance to stay in a hotel as work are subsidising that and he was thinking that might be a good idea.

He didn't do this. He just booked it (which would cost more than just a cab home) and then told OP she was doesn't trust him (and brought up the messages) and flounced off.

I cannot think of any good reason why a partner would purposely make his wife more mistrustful over something so completely avoidable. And then get in a huff with her about it.

He already knew OP was concerned over the messages. So instead of reassuring her, perhaps discussing the possibility of a hotel. Hes added fuel to the fire.

I know for a fact if my DP was going to a work party and I had expressed concerns (however ridiculous) over a colleague, the absolute last thing he would do is book a bloody hotel 15 minutes down the road after a party with said colleague.

I can understand you’d be pissed off with him staying at a hotel 15 minutes away-there is no need for it, especially if it’s costing and money is right.

If my DH had said this to me, I would be unimpressed though..As a former manager myself I said it was best to keep interactions with colleagues on work phones etc so youre not being contacted on your own time

I am an adult and don’t need to be told who I should and shouldn’t WhatsApp!

The 22 year old work colleague could well be a red herring.
There may be another reason for your husband to stay the night in hotel.
Could he be doing drugs?
Maybe him and another colleague have hired a prostitute?
Does he enjoy gambling?
A night of playing poker?
A lay in without small children, incompatible with a hangover.
There are plenty of reasons men want a night away.

How to over-dramatise.

He’s being weird and the whole behaviour looks really off.

the work phone messages on his personal phone are a massive red flag. His work phone must be very antiquated if he’s unable to forward work related photo messages on them.
we aren’t allowed to store work documents on our personal phone.

and the hotel thing is very suspicious, why’s he spending money you all don’t have on a hotel and cab?

OP - maybe he just doesn’t want you to be jealous or bothered because whatever you said about the WhatsApp messages and however you intended it, he took it to be what you were resisting to about the hotel stay.
He probably wasn’t wrong either…
But look it’s not the end of the world if he just wants to cut loose for once.
I don’t see anything wrong at all with the WhatsApp part: maybe he imputed more meaning to your response than he should have or there was more to what you said in so far as he realised you were suspicious and if there is zero interest from him it’s bloody annoying to be quizzed “innocently” while he actually knows what is bothering you about it all.

Yes it's suspicious.

You sound paranoid

Lol.

I don’t think you have any reason to worry
He probably just wants to have a complete night away, meal, get drunk, crawl up to bed at some ungodly hour instead of leaving the party on a cold night to get a taxi home.

What hotel has no parking? How do they expect people to get there?