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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can we have a thread about ways in which your partner initiates sexual intercourse?

352 replies

FrannyandZooey · 30/01/2008 20:35

Do they use certain words or phrases? Or is it more of an action thing?

and is it just mine who tries to think up comedy ones?

OP posts:
TwoLittleToys · 31/01/2008 12:33

Oooh, see the point of the preview message button now...
haven't married my kidnapper, just meant that after spending 10 years with dh humping me, that I seem to now view this as an acceptable mating call!
Also, don't want to use strap on with dh (much to his relief if he ever reads this) - where's the enjoyment for me in that???!

Overrun · 31/01/2008 12:45

Franny, can you give us any examples of the comedy overtures that your dp does, does he go for slap stick, or some other comedic genre

Mymeems · 31/01/2008 12:52

pmsl at all of these! I too get the offer of special cream whenever I have any sort of ailment.. Also the peering down my jeans, jack russelling (nice term!), 'do you want to have sex with me' in deadpan voice, and dancing around naked, willy windmills a go-go.. sometimes he just waves it around, calls it 'clacking' for some reason

usually it all results in me just laughing at him..I'm sure he'd be mortified to know how unoriginal he's being!

GetOrfMoiLand · 31/01/2008 12:56

pmsl twolittle toys stockholm syndrome . I know what you mean, I now shout 'shag' at him loudly to raise a laugh, NEVER used that bloody word before.

GetOrfMoiLand · 31/01/2008 12:58

oh god ROFL mymeems "willy windmills a go-go.. sometimes he just waves it around, calls it 'clacking' for some reason"

Willy windmills a go go!!!

Sat here at work giggling like a loon at that one

Lazycow · 31/01/2008 13:02

Dh just looks at me and sort of raises his eyebrows a bit. I can tell just by the look on his face when he is particularly up for it. Actually not very difficult really as he is generally always up for it so the 'look' happens when he is gettign a bit desperate

Mymeems · 31/01/2008 13:05

I've also had "I'm going to hammer you through"

Nice

Mymeems · 31/01/2008 13:07

And if I'm really not up for it he'll say 'I'll do it myself...but could you just tickle my balls?'

OrmIrian · 31/01/2008 13:10

"What are you wearing?" when I'm standing in front of him fully clothed .

He rings me at work and asks if I'm tired? No not now. But after working a full day, picking up kids, making lunch boxes, dinner for 3 DCs and then for us later and attempting to so some housework ...I will be. It's just meant to be a 'heads-up' as they say in corporate world

Or he gets into bed without his pyjama trousers. Which annoys me TBH. Wait till you're bloody asked!

He is very grateful atm that he doesn't have to initiate it all the time anymore.

GetOrfMoiLand · 31/01/2008 13:13

Ormirian - so he gives you a heads up when his head will be up, so to speak?

suzywong · 31/01/2008 13:14

SPRAY@this thread
in fact dh has just come in asking what's so funny

I get the "roll on your side" one

but my favourite is after I've come out of the shower "I'd better inspect you"

OrmIrian · 31/01/2008 13:15

Indeed getorf

TheFallenMadonna · 31/01/2008 13:18

DH shaves.

I mean, he shaves in the morning before work, but if he shaves any other time, or at all at weekends, it can mean only one thing...

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 31/01/2008 13:18

Overrun my god NO you think I am sharing with this bunch of rabble?

OP posts:
MrsGuitar · 31/01/2008 13:22

I am with stuffitall (apart from the twiching thing)

Brace yourself woman

What about the one where he refuses to take off his 'slippers' which are in fact casual shoes in order to allow himself to 'get more purchase'

JackBlackRoady · 31/01/2008 13:35

ROFL at this thread!

My DH just takes his pants off... thats the signal! but he also does the 'jack russelling' and the 'willy windmill' - i can't believe all men seem to do this!!! wait till i tell him when he's home later... who knows where it will lead?!?!

Anyone else get 'its full of protein, its good for your skin' etc???

mummylin2495 · 31/01/2008 13:42

yes its good for the skin and also apparently is good for headaches !!!!

stuffitall · 31/01/2008 13:43

mrs guitar lolololololol

actually peeing myself here

OrmIrian · 31/01/2008 13:50

Variation on the sore throat theme...

"Want to suck on something" Ooh yes purlease... So much nicer than a strepsil...

How or why do they think that willy windmilling is arousing or anything other than comic or irritating?

HaventSleptForAYear · 31/01/2008 13:51

It's definitely supposedly a cure-all in this house too.

Agree with DH being in bed and sitting up awake with the light on rather than pretending to be asleep.

I also get a bit of groping (s'pose I would have called it sexy before children) at the kitchen sink.

Most of the time it's a slow warm-up over the day with a few random on the mouth kisses and a few boob fondles too.

D'ya fancy a nap? Is n°1 favourite in our house, and he knows that it's definitely the best time of day to get a "result"!

Have to admit to it ONLY ever being in bed... it's just too cold anywhere else.

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 31/01/2008 13:52

actually reading this thread has given me new respect and gratitude for my dp

OP posts:
carmenelectra · 31/01/2008 13:58

Sandy,

My dp doesnt take his pants off before bed, more like doesnt bother putting any ON after bath/shower.'Not worth bothering' if hes in with a chance.

emkana · 31/01/2008 14:06

FandZ, I think you're being a bit mean tbh. You won't give any examples of what happens in your house, after inviting other people to "share", and now to say you feel more respect and gratitude for your dp - sort of makes it sound as if you're shocked by what people have said on here, and feel that things are "better" in your relationship.

I don't mean to be horrible though, so please don't get cross.

HaventSleptForAYear · 31/01/2008 14:08

Lots of washing going on by DHs - am quite . Do you all wash BEFORE then?
DH (and possibly me secretly ) thinks it's a silly idea cos he'll just have to wash again afterwards !
Is this just skanky Frenchmen?

KaySamuels · 31/01/2008 14:09

Fantastic. I have just found tis thread and read it through, actually spat my tea out at one point and had tears rolling down my cheeks! Good job I'm home alone, think it would disappoint DP to know his come ons are the same as every other man out there. Don't know if that makes me feel better or not - I can't decide!

F+Z - can't believe you started this thread and haven't grassed up your DP! Evene if it is to tell us there actually are romantic men out there, you can't hold out on us!

My DP does the windmill willy and the clacking, the defuzzing and the cleaning, the boob groping, the healing balm line, hands down my jeans, also announces he is playing tents to make sure I know he is ready for me! He used to try and liquer me up but realises now that since we have had ds booze just puts me to sleep! I dimly recall flowers and candles, just barely...

Our poor DP's...