Can we have a thread about ways in which your partner initiates sexual intercourse?

[FrannyandZooey]

Do they use certain words or phrases? Or is it more of an action thing?

and is it just mine who tries to think up comedy ones?

at toilet tissue. I get that, In fact dh has a stash of babywipes for that very reason

willy windmill
blimey my sides hurt

TheDuchessOfNorksBride - When it's gone cold, it means you've killed him.

Asda, Tesco, Waitrose....I've drawn the line and closed the legs at Morrisons.
A girl must have some standards.

I must go to bed now before he gets home and I start smelling the lamb blood.

Oh I am still laughing at doorways..........

DH rarely does these days

Keeps getting me pregnant when he does.

But he used to stand there naked doing circles with his willy a la nipple tassles, but just with his willy. It just used to make me giggle though and was in no way erotic.

at a boy-zilian.. isn't he afraid of cutting his balls?

Often (if we haven't had sex in a day or two) dh will say "I miss you" I know he means "I want sex"

Pulls the lead out of the back of the computer and hides the fuses from the plug.

Get you lot with your 'tissue paper' and namby-pamby babywipes. I more often get wiped with his discarded pants.

But not anymore because alistair thinks my DH has carked it.

ROFL at this thread

Am PMSL at "I'm all clean" and "can I flick ya prawn"

Quite often I am faced with the question

"wid ye suck a saft yin"

(yeah yeah.... the height of romance)

PMSL - this the funniest thread i've seen in ages
Was in a foul mood only 30 seconds ago and now have tears running down my cheeks...

...mind you, that's the only thing running down my 'cheeks' these daays....

I am laughing at the juxtaposition of this thread title with the title 'Cautionary tale about Tchaikowsky's Nutcracker'.

Has anyone else just had a damn good shag........?

Whatever ailment I may have my DP says with a leer 'I think you neee a special injection'

Or he will happily state that he has a special cream that will solve all ailments ranging from stress, headaches, tummy ache etc etc

PMSL at Firefly "haven't had sex in a day or two" - try month or two! Also have DH with a penchant for willy wanging at the end of the bed as he undresses - or windmilling. It is hilarious, but in no way sexy and just ends up with me flinging the pillow at him and telling him to put himself away before he has my eye out (he wishes)

DUchess: 'wiped with his discarded pants' - Oh sob sob, the true romance I miss by being single .

lol at these.
dh is fairly subtle and alluring before the event but the afterwards I, too, get the discarded pants for the aftermath. And then the next day he cannot function without making at least one dreadfully cheesy reference to the act: e.g.
Me (gesturing towards cup or somesuch): Can you give me that please?
DH (sniggering and looking pleased with himself): Like I gave it to you last night, eh?

Dr northerner... I always lay my head on his chest afterwards. OR, he rolls over, and backs his sweaty butt into me, ( spoon like) and stops when he finds my body.. then kind of wipes sweat on me wriggles contentedly, making quite sweet hmmm sounds.

He used to say things like: ( also in a northern accent, but then, he is northern )
Invariably, if i'm bending over to pick anything up, OR emptying the washing machine/dishwasher " Oooh stay there I'd really like to knock the back out of ya "

When in bed: how 'bout you just role onto your side for a bit... there's my girl

If I ever mention a sore throat or a rash, or anything like that, he tells me he has a special cream for that. or, " I know just the thing to clear that up " with a wink....

Actually, I find his wink quite a turn on.

I feel deprived that I dont get to see the willy windmill any more. Seems it was used to woo me.

Did I say 'discarded pants'? Not very ducal is it... obviously I meant to say Turnbull & Asser silk hankerchief (which may have possible stinging-cologne benefits).

What is it with men and their " special cream " seems they are all at it.

When I say he says role onto your side for a bit. he actually means for a while.. not for a bit wink wink... clearly we know he does in fact mean for a bit oh, the complexities of the double entendre. >

Still can't believe no one else has picked up Firefly on "haven't had sex in a day or two" - Firefly - I need whatever you're eating. Please tell me you and DH/DP are under 30, preferably under 20 - it will make me feel better

On the 11th Jan this year DP was cock a hoop to state that he had had sex every day so far this year...

sycamore - I did, but nobody likes a show-off

same goes for you dropdead!

cock a HOOP drop dead?
is that a variation on willy waggling?