Should I split up with my children’s father because he is never here?

[Oopsididitagain87]

I will try to keep this brief. We are not married. We have two small children. One toddler one and just started school. My boyfriend doesn’t want to live with me as there is no work in my area. So he works away all week and is usually around on a Saturday and Sunday.

I would be happy to move. So we can be together as a family. But I currently have no job (as I am looking after younger one) and therefore no money.

My boyfriend doesn’t have a home. His work just puts him up in hotels in the cities he works in. He could find commutable work easily in the right area and would be willing to do so.

But my boyfriend does not want to rent a home for us. I would be happy to find a job if he could stomach stumping up a deposit and signing a lease on somewhere. It doesn’t have to be a palace. I have very low standards believe me!

I just can’t see how we are going to be together unless me and the kids move and I can’t figure out how it is going to be possible off my own back.

Any suggestions are greatly appreciated! I keep thinking myself in circles and coming back to square one!

In what respect is he your boyfriend? And why on earth did you have children with a man who doesn't want to live with you and them, or even have a home for himself for them to go to?

At least tell me he contributes financially to his children, including the cost of putting a roof over their heads!

Are you living with family or claiming benefits? Does he live with you on weekends?

If you're claiming UC I'd get him to start paying child maintenance. Do you actually want to be with him or is living together a deal breaker?

How do you survive financially at the moment?

He’s showing precisely no commitment to you or his children here.

What difference would it make if you split up?

@KnickerlessParsons I sometimes think that. In what way is he my boyfriend? I sometimes just feel very "you're either with me" or "you are without me" and think I should stop seeing him. He does contribute some weekly money for the children.

You're not together. He may come over and you may have sex. But you are not in a relationship.

@girlmom21 I live with family

How are supporting yourself? If you applied for official maintenance would you get more than he’s currently giving you?

Is the oldest child his? How long have you been living like this?

I don't think I am being a princess by saying we must live together. My family are on his side. They say lots of peoples partners work away and I would only see him in the evenings anyhow. And that I should just stay put.

Yes!!! He will never do anything for you I promise you that. He will never house you or pay Your bills, no matter how much he says he will do in the future he just wants to leech off of you for an easy life and that's the truth. I was in a relationship like this but he was loving with me and contributed NOTHING even when he had a full time time himself. A man child. Uses you for convenience and you will feel exhausted from doing everything all of the time with no help. I had the false idea that he would change but he never did. Please don't settle for this. He doesn't live with you, or do anything for you or for his children and you don't need him- he will never commit to you and that's the truth! Find out where he works, claim CSA. Don't even tell him it's over because it's not even a relationship anyway as it's all mental games, just make excuses why he can't come over - illness, friends over etc

Both child are his. He worked out how much maintenance to pay me on the official calculator thing so I am happy with my maintenance amount. It's not about the money for me. I am just trying to decide if am right to make an ultimatum out of this or not. We either live together or I call it off.

*children

If he won't move in with you it's because he doesn't want to and that's the truth no matter what he says. You should cut it off if that's the case because you're giving yourself false hope otherwise x

Do you love him?

He'll never change

@Ell95 he is a self confessed commitaphope and rent a phobe. I do get what he means as rent is going up always but everyone else has to do it. I would be happy to do the whole van life thing of canal boat thing but they like rent also cost money which I do not have currently.

@TabithaTittlemouse I do love him. Unfortunately!

Have I got this right. He only stays with you when his company isn't paying for his hotel.

So basically by paying child maintenance, he also gets two free nights a week accommodation.

That is saving him at least £250 a week (if he paid for a hotel room himself) or £600 a week if he rented a room. You are a bargain !

What address does he use for his bank? Where does he keep his stuff?

You deserve better.

It’s very telling that he only pays what the “official calculator” says.

What conversations did you have when deciding to have children?

I just don't really get what's going on - what was the plan?

Are your family happy to support you indefinitely?

@MintJulia registered at his mums and stuff is split between mine and hers. I can't really judge that though as I live with my family too!

@RandomPerson42 he did round the pence up lol!

what have i just read? this isnt a relationship! this is friends with benefits with 2 kids thrown in the mix. You and your children deserve more, demand more or dump and move on. life is too short to live like this for another how many years?

@Tomorrowisalatterday both my children were happy surprises and they are very much loved. Won't be having anymore. I only have two hands! My hat goes off to mums with more than two!