Should I split up with my children’s father because he is never here?

[Oopsididitagain87]

I will try to keep this brief. We are not married. We have two small children. One toddler one and just started school. My boyfriend doesn’t want to live with me as there is no work in my area. So he works away all week and is usually around on a Saturday and Sunday.

I would be happy to move. So we can be together as a family. But I currently have no job (as I am looking after younger one) and therefore no money.

My boyfriend doesn’t have a home. His work just puts him up in hotels in the cities he works in. He could find commutable work easily in the right area and would be willing to do so.

But my boyfriend does not want to rent a home for us. I would be happy to find a job if he could stomach stumping up a deposit and signing a lease on somewhere. It doesn’t have to be a palace. I have very low standards believe me!

I just can’t see how we are going to be together unless me and the kids move and I can’t figure out how it is going to be possible off my own back.

Any suggestions are greatly appreciated! I keep thinking myself in circles and coming back to square one!

What do you mean your art degree isn't worth the paper it's written on? A degree is a degree.

What does your "boyfriend" propose to do about parents' evenings now that your eldest has started school? Is he going to be there to watch her in the Nativity play in a few weeks? The school sports day? Will he be around to help and contribute financially to the whole Christmas thing? Does he spend time with them on their birthdays? Take them to doctor's appointments..... So many questions about how he contributes to family life.

The majority of people only see their partners in the evenings and at weekends - that's life and not an excuse for not living with the father of your children if you're actively in a relationship. Some people don't, but that's by mutual agreement, and it sounds as if that's not the case here.

How old is your BF? How long does he plan to have this itinerant lifestyle with no fixed abode? It's really not the lifestyle of a family man.
What does he do with all the money he saves by not paying for his own accommodation? Is he saving towards a permanent place to live at least?

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Living at home with a fwb at weekends?

Why would you want to move for him? Stay where you are, don't uproot your children someone so unreliable. You would make yourself very vulnerable if you become financially dependant on him.

But he probably won't agree to rent a place with you, his current set up is too convenient for him to want to.

What is there to end? Your weekly sex appointment? There’s no relationship, and worse, your kids are seeing a ‘father’ who openly doesn’t give a shit about any of you, which will be hugely damaging. Neither parent able to house them. You need to focus on parenting, and getting a job, your sex partner is utterly irrelevant.

This seems very odd to me too OP. You seem weirdly disengaged from your life & your expectations & that of your family seem very low. Is there something really great about this man we can’t see? I could understand more if he was well paid & providing you with half his income but he’s giving you the bare minimum!

@Iguanainanigloo good point! Although I thought it was every other weekend? But you could agree on every weekend? I don't think he could handle it! Lol!

@KnickerlessParsons he's never there for any of that stuff. He is older than me.

@Nimblesandbimbles I get £70 per week from him

(I mean, have sex with who ever you want, who cares, but don’t allow some bloke to scam you in to thinking he’s a boyfriend, or impregnate you repeatedly and saunter off in to the sunset)

I am a bit of an odd fish but essentially I just want all the normal things. Food, water and a roof over my families head. I really want to be a proper family and that to me means living together. I am glad people agree with me. Everyone else seems to think I am going mad! Why would. Change the situation I am in? It's fine they say!

This situation baffles me. He's obviously living the single life, he isn't providing for his family, it's basically like you're not together.
Sorry to be brutal but you need to end it, the situation is ridiculous.

Sounds like he donated sperm and now has you on a retainer to provide a ready family to play with when he fancies it. Yes get rid. If he actually wants a family he will fight for it, help you set up a proper home and be a family. If not.....you are well rid

I am going to talk to him tomorrow when he arrives and if he doesn't come up with a plan maybe we should regrettably part ways.

No idea why you bothered having kids with this waste of space.

This.
The poor children.

By the way OP I know you weren’t referring directly to my comment but I never meant to imply that you were odd. It’s more the situation & your family’s view on it. I am quite odd myself 😂. But £70 is nothing. Honestly OP you deserve so much more!

How old are you both?

Has he ever bought anything for the children? What do you do at the weekends when he is around?

@Nimblesandbimbles yes I understand that just reminded me that I am a bit odd. My situation is odd. Good way to describe it lol!

..what ways are there to part though?

@toomuchlaundry he doesn't usually buy things for the children. We just do normal family stuff

So he works full time earning a full time wage. With minimal over heads, car insurance phone etc then he gives you £70 a week and your happy with that!?!?!
Raise your bar, if not for you do it for your kids.

I just broke up with a boyfriend of 6 years who rents an hour away, and, as it transpires, wants to buy also an hour away after having promised to me for years that 'we will live together' and h or he wanted to move out of that area.
I cannot move for another 7 years because of my kids schools (no his kids) so I thought there was a compromise to be had for him to move nearer so at least we are nearer and I can stay over when my DC are older. Otherwise I'd be committing to 7 years of back and forth, and what's there not to say that he would allow me to move in after. He said he wants to remain independent and dumped me as a hot potato.
My heart hurts badly; I was good for twice in a week stayovers; and although we built up a hell of memories together, I am not ready to commit myself to what feels like a lifetime back and forth.

Is he saving up for a deposit on a house? Or just spunking away 80% of his wages?

It's not on that he gives you the bare minimum he should be handing over the majority of his wage.

Does he look after the kids? I wouldn't be in a rush to leave him if you love him but seems like he is behaving as if you are already split in all but name. Quite weird.

I'd be worrying he has another family!!!! At best, it sounds like he's checked out of family life and is pretty removed from it?

Seems very one sided this.