Can I withdraw a wedding invitation?

[Laurdo]

We're getting married in 6 weeks and invitations went out about 6 weeks ago.

I became friends with a woman when she started coming to the gym I owned about a year ago. We've trained together a few times and used to have a chat and a coffee in the gym cafe. Her and her bf even offered to let us use their holiday home for our honeymoon. They've been to ours for dinner and we went to theirs for her bfs birthday party. We've also all been out for a drink together.

We sadly had to close down the gym a few months ago and the woman joined another gym. She suggested I join there too so we could train together. We made arrangements a few times to go to the gym but she'd always cancel. She started doing martial arts and said she wasn't training at the gym as often now because of it, however she'd still post regular pics of herself at the gym with other friends or her bf and I was never asked if I wanted to go so I ended up just joining a gym closer to my home and doing my own thing there.

She takes ages to reply to messages, sometimes a few days which she always apologises for but still manages to post on social media every day. She had messaged to apologise for being an absent friend and said we should meet for lunch. We made arrangements a few times but she kept cancelling for various reasons. We eventually did meet for lunch and I gave her an invitation for the wedding which she was delighted about.

I'd also invited her to my hen night as well as the kids mini hen party I'm having for my DSD4. I invited her to the mini hen as she has young sisters. So 2 weeks before my hen and she still hadn't sent money for her ticket. I messaged her and 2 days later got a reply saying she could no longer make it as she needed to focus on work and studying. I asked of she was still bringing the girls to the mini hen and she said no she was just too busy.

So the day after my hen and there's photos of her on social media out that weekend. Bit of a kick in the teeth. I would have preferred that she'd just have been honest and said she didn't want to come or had double booked herself, but to make it about work then post pics to the contrary.... Is she trying to drop a big hint that she's not interested in a friendship any more?

So now I'm thinking I'd really wished I hadn't invited her and her bf to the wedding. I absolutely get that people are busy and have other priorities, but I just feel like I've been let down by her so many times in the short time that I've known her. I'm secretly hoping she tells me herself they can't make the wedding but I think that maybe I should just contact her and uninvite her. Would this be rude? Should I just let her come then faze her out afterwards? Am I expecting too much from someone I've only known a year?

From what you’ve said, she’ll probably be relieved.
You can do what you like for your wedding.

She has young sisters so you asked her to a mini hen? What even is a mini hen? What do her sisters have to do with the wedding?

TBH I don't know why you invited her in the first place, she sounds like a casual acquaintance. Has she RSVPd to the wedding?

Uninvite her. She'd checked out of the friendship before you invited her!.

Some friendships aren't meant to be forever. Don't take it to heart

I also don't know why you invited her in the first place.

I'd text her and say I was finalising numbers, just wanted to check she was still able to make it. Hopefully she'll say no, you say what a shame. Job done.

The mini hen idea I have never heard of, but I think its really sweet.
I don't think non attendance to hens is a red flag particularly, they aren't everyone's cup of tea or idea of how they want to spend their money.
I agree though she sounds as though she has fazed you out generally. You can't really uninvite her I don't think, but just message saying something along the lines of you are doing final headcounts for venue payment and seating plans, and is she still planning to come. This way you are giving her an opt out, which hopefully she will accept.

What a load of faff about nothing. I doubt she wants to come to your wedding anyway. Just text and say you assume she's not coming. Then get on with your life.

'She has young sisters so you asked her to a mini hen? What even is a mini hen? What do her sisters have to do with the wedding?

TBH I don't know why you invited her in the first place, she sounds like a casual acquaintance. Has she RSVPd to the wedding?'

All of this

I'm just having a little girly party for my DSD. I just wanted to do something fun for her so all her wee friends are coming round since DPs away on his stag.

Yes, she's RSVPd already.

I'd Uni tie her. It will annoy you if she comes and it will annoy you if she doesn't. I'd message and say that you are really sorry but that you've had a mix up with the invites and have to cut numbers and as you haven't been hanging out are unfortunately going to have to uninvited her.

She will probably be pissed off but she doesn't sound like she's much of a friend.

Uninvite*

I was thinking about doing that but worried that she'd say yes they were still coming. Maybe I would be better just taking the initiative?

She sounds like she’s been a bit of a shitty friend but I still believe you take the high road then can let things naturally fade after that. I’d do as someone else says ‘just finalising numbers, are you still able to come?’. This gives her an out but if she says yes, isn’t that a good sign?

The mini hen is just a wee girly party really. DSD is excited about being a flowergirl and is learning all about weddings so I thought it would be nice to do something for her.

I get hen nights aren't for everyone and a lot of people who were invited didn't come and said they couldn't make it at the time I'd invited them. However this woman had said she would come on a fee occasions. I'm not so much bothered about folk not wanting to come, that's fair enough, it's more the not being honest. I just think it was a bit dishonest to say you were coming up until the last minute then make work the excuse.

If (unlikely) she does get arsey, tell her what you told us! You lied to me about why you cancelled and I saw it on SM. You weren't planning to tell me you couldn't come to either hen. I didn’t think you'd be bothered.

Just tell her you've had to cut wedding numbers and very sorry - you'll catch up after wedding (clearly that will never happen).

I think the chances of her actually turning up to the wedding are pretty low. No point paying for some random you were friendly with for a while but may never see again.

It sounds like you are unlikely to be friends with them in a year far less a decade so I would uninvite them - however, are you still using their holiday home for your honeymoon?? If so them obvs you can't do both!

Is she invited to the whole thing ie the sit down meal and the evening reception, or just for the evening?
If it's just for the evening then surely they'll be plenty of other people there so you won't be bothered if she's there or not.
I wouldn't uninvite personally.

If you uninvite her will you still be using their holiday home for your honeymoon?

No of course we wouldn't expect to use their holiday home. It was just something they'd brought up but we never made any solid plans to use it.

We're not doing separate evening guests so everyone's there for the full thing.

I'd just text and say you saw she cancelled the hen night for going out with other friends so you assume she doesn't want to attend the wedding. Then block, job done.

No of course not. It was just something they had suggested but we've never made any solid plans to use it.

Be blunt... .. it is clear from your actions that you don't value our friendship as much as I do. Given the number of times you have cancelled our arrangements it would be strange if you turned up at our wedding so while this is an unusual step for me to take, it is important for my enjoyment of my wedding day that I do this and I ask that you respect my decision. I no longer wish you to come to our wedding.

Maybe when she rsvp to the hen & mini hen she didn’t realise she would be expected to buy tickets?

Yeah I'd uninvite her and invite someone else.