Can I withdraw a wedding invitation?

[Laurdo]

We're getting married in 6 weeks and invitations went out about 6 weeks ago.

I became friends with a woman when she started coming to the gym I owned about a year ago. We've trained together a few times and used to have a chat and a coffee in the gym cafe. Her and her bf even offered to let us use their holiday home for our honeymoon. They've been to ours for dinner and we went to theirs for her bfs birthday party. We've also all been out for a drink together.

We sadly had to close down the gym a few months ago and the woman joined another gym. She suggested I join there too so we could train together. We made arrangements a few times to go to the gym but she'd always cancel. She started doing martial arts and said she wasn't training at the gym as often now because of it, however she'd still post regular pics of herself at the gym with other friends or her bf and I was never asked if I wanted to go so I ended up just joining a gym closer to my home and doing my own thing there.

She takes ages to reply to messages, sometimes a few days which she always apologises for but still manages to post on social media every day. She had messaged to apologise for being an absent friend and said we should meet for lunch. We made arrangements a few times but she kept cancelling for various reasons. We eventually did meet for lunch and I gave her an invitation for the wedding which she was delighted about.

I'd also invited her to my hen night as well as the kids mini hen party I'm having for my DSD4. I invited her to the mini hen as she has young sisters. So 2 weeks before my hen and she still hadn't sent money for her ticket. I messaged her and 2 days later got a reply saying she could no longer make it as she needed to focus on work and studying. I asked of she was still bringing the girls to the mini hen and she said no she was just too busy.

So the day after my hen and there's photos of her on social media out that weekend. Bit of a kick in the teeth. I would have preferred that she'd just have been honest and said she didn't want to come or had double booked herself, but to make it about work then post pics to the contrary.... Is she trying to drop a big hint that she's not interested in a friendship any more?

So now I'm thinking I'd really wished I hadn't invited her and her bf to the wedding. I absolutely get that people are busy and have other priorities, but I just feel like I've been let down by her so many times in the short time that I've known her. I'm secretly hoping she tells me herself they can't make the wedding but I think that maybe I should just contact her and uninvite her. Would this be rude? Should I just let her come then faze her out afterwards? Am I expecting too much from someone I've only known a year?

I think it depends partly on what kind of wedding you're having?

If it's an all out, £100 a head, lavish affair with your closest friends and family... well, you risk losing a lot of money if she says yes then pulls out last minute (which seems like a pattern!)

It's also giving her a status in your life that she probably doesn't really deserve, if everyone else there is actually close to you. In that situation I'd consider uninviting her and just saying sorry but the friendship isn't working out. You might have to have an awkward discussion about the friendship, but at least then you're clear.

If it's a village hall, £10 buffet type affair, and you're inviting everyone you know including casual acquaintances, I would send a message reminding her to RSVP. If it's a more casual/ budget wedding then it's not that big a deal if she says yes then doesn't turn up on the night.

That's how I would decide anyway. Very awkward situation! I had to uninvite a few people from my wedding but it was due to Covid so wasn't quite as awkward, but still difficult. Good luck!

Why bother to rescind the invitation? I would just assume that she is not coming and not give it much more thought. At this late date you cannot invite someone in her place.

in my opinion, rescinfi

What tickets was she expected to pay out for? Other people's weddings can get really expensive. Was she having to pay towards mini hen too? Was BF going to stag? It all just adds up sometimes and (as you will know, having to close your business) people's circumstances change and money is tight for a lot of people right now. But of course, she should have been straight with you and not lied.
Ask her straight out about mini hen and wedding instead of sitting around and thinking about it. You'll have enough to worry about in lead up to big day without this sort of shit. She's a casual acquaintance at most, she's made thar perfectly clear.

Another question - is it a full day or evening invite?

If you've invited her for the full day you could always change her to an evening invitation, could be slightly less awkward.

You could say something like "Sorry, our venue have added on some unexpected costs so we are having to slightly change our plans and we have to prioritise family for the day time - hope you understand - we would still love to see you in the evening at X time, please RSVP?" (and include evening invitation).

That then takes the pressure off the most sensitive time of the day and really and evening guest here or there usually won't be noticed.

She did. We were going to a tribute night. There was options for dinner & show only, show and overnight stay and even an option to go to the spa the next day. People could chose whichever suited them. All details and costs were made clear. She even messaged a few times saying she kept meaning to send the money and could I send my bank details again. Or could she call and book her ticket directly.

The mini hen is just in my house so it's not costing anything.

What ticket was she supposed to purchase for the hen? Maybe she found that a turnoff? And did the mini hen have a cost for the guests?

In my opinion rescinding the invitation would be a bit childish. If the relationship has died a natural death, let it be. If she comes great; if not your day won't be in any way diminished.

Misses point if thread entirely but fascinated by mini hen.

There are now hen parties thrown not only for the bride but also for the flower girl(s)? Hens parties for bridesmaids as well? Are there equivalent mini stags?

So glad I got married in the dark ages and missed all of this!

Hi, I came on the thread to say “of course you can’t withdraw a wedding invite” but then I read what you wrote, and it’s clear that she’s deliberately chosen to stop being friends with you and let you down many times. When that happened to me I was very hurt, and I wouldn’t want to glance around at my wedding and see someone who’d treated me like that.

So, the question is how to withdraw the invite. I’d be direct. Something like... “Hi, I hope this isn’t too awkward, but we’re finalising numbers for the wedding now, and it is for close friends and family only. When I gave you an invite we were socialising loads and I considered it a close friendship, but I know you’ll agree that we’ve since drifted apart, and so I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to come to the wedding. Hope that’s ok.”

She’ll probably be relieved. If not, just delete block and forget her and at least you don’t have to see her at the wedding.

It's not a budget wedding and we've invited everyone to the whole day. So I'd be annoyed if they didn't turn up after we'd paid for them. Our RSVPs are online. There was a link and QR code on our invites to go online, RSVP and chose your meal. She RSVPd straight away but her BF still hasn't.

It is really awkward but I guess the chances are I'll never see her again after the wedding anyway. I just over think things and worry if I'm being oversensitive here.

I would simply message her and ask whether her and her bf intend on coming to the wedding as you need final numbers. tell her it's fine if they can no longer make it but you'd need to know now. If she comes says yes and attends then so be it but if she says they can't now then you know you'll never see her again

We were going to a tribute night. There was options for dinner & show only £29, show and overnight stay £75 and even an option to go to the spa the next day £95 all in. People could chose whichever suited them. All details and costs were made clear.

The mini hen is just a little party in my house so wouldn't cost her anything.

We're not doing separate evening invites so everyone's invited all day. If I asked her just to come to the evening if would be super awkward if she found out everyone else had been there all day.

I'd bin her off. Tbh she probably won't turn up anyway but I'd take the initiative and uninvite her so at least you know for sure and can plan around it (seating plan etc). I'd probably just come up with a lie like "sorry there's been a mix up with numbers at the venue and we've had to reduce the guest list so unfortunately we can't accommodate you on the day any more. Such a shame blah blah blah". You'll never hear from her again.

To be honest I think this is just something I've invented 🤣. It's essentially just a kids party. I'm setting up a hair and beauty station, jewellery making station, we'll do the toilet paper wedding dress game. DSD4 is learning about weddings and is excited to be a flowergirl. I just wanted to do something nice for her so she felt included in the build up to the wedding so arranged a little girly party at home for her and her little friends. It's not costing anyone anything to come.

I think a version of this is probably your best plan. It doesn't sound like a friendship worth maintaining and it's going to cause you stress to keep wondering if she'll show up.

This was my only worry that if you uninvite her she would tell you that you could no longer use it. If there's no solid plans anyway I think you should just send a text saying, apologies but we've had to cut numbers in the day for our wedding, I hope you understand, we'll have to catch up after the wedding ( which will never happen )

You run the risk of her not turning up on the day anyway and then you have two meals you've paid for which have gone to waste!

Our RSVPs are online. There was a link and QR code on our invites to go online, RSVP and chose your meal. She RSVPd straight away but her BF still hasn't.

This is probably your best way in - contact her, say BF hasn't RSVPd, is he coming or have their plans changed? If they need to cancel, no worries, you can still cancel her meal, or add his if necessary. Hopefully she comes back with a sorry, can't make it!

Yes do this

' We have had to cut the numbers down for the wedding, and I am really sorry we can't include you now on the big day, but I'll look forward to catching up to celebrate later in the year. All the best op'

and ditch.

It is a lovely idea to welcome and include step children! Much better than a normal hen even. Well done op.

It sounds like she’s trying to soft-ghost you. Either full ghost her back – she’ll likely be relieved! – or tell her numbers have changed and it’s now a small wedding. (If you were petty you could splash it all over social media as a clearly enormous wedding, tit for tat.)

You are using their place for honeymoon, and regardless there is absolutely no way you can uninvite someone to your wedding once they have RSVPed unless they have actually committed a crime or something! So, so incredibly rude.

If she claims to be annoyed being uninvited, this would be the moment to be honest:

'I assumed you had lost interest in our friendship given the number of times you have cancelled recently, and the latest cancellation being my hen night. It is probably best all round if we stay gym friends. No hard feelings at all! You missed a great though :) '

She probably wont even show up for the wedding. Her BF has not RSVP'd so he probably has no plans to be there, and I think she will back out.

Curious about the "mini-hen", you say you invited her because she had younger sisters. Do you mean you invited her to bring her sisters to it? If so, how old are her sisters? Do they even know your DSD? Maybe she said yes and then her sisters said no when she told them about it. If it's only HER you invited then that would just be weird.