Can I withdraw a wedding invitation?

[Laurdo]

We're getting married in 6 weeks and invitations went out about 6 weeks ago.

I became friends with a woman when she started coming to the gym I owned about a year ago. We've trained together a few times and used to have a chat and a coffee in the gym cafe. Her and her bf even offered to let us use their holiday home for our honeymoon. They've been to ours for dinner and we went to theirs for her bfs birthday party. We've also all been out for a drink together.

We sadly had to close down the gym a few months ago and the woman joined another gym. She suggested I join there too so we could train together. We made arrangements a few times to go to the gym but she'd always cancel. She started doing martial arts and said she wasn't training at the gym as often now because of it, however she'd still post regular pics of herself at the gym with other friends or her bf and I was never asked if I wanted to go so I ended up just joining a gym closer to my home and doing my own thing there.

She takes ages to reply to messages, sometimes a few days which she always apologises for but still manages to post on social media every day. She had messaged to apologise for being an absent friend and said we should meet for lunch. We made arrangements a few times but she kept cancelling for various reasons. We eventually did meet for lunch and I gave her an invitation for the wedding which she was delighted about.

I'd also invited her to my hen night as well as the kids mini hen party I'm having for my DSD4. I invited her to the mini hen as she has young sisters. So 2 weeks before my hen and she still hadn't sent money for her ticket. I messaged her and 2 days later got a reply saying she could no longer make it as she needed to focus on work and studying. I asked of she was still bringing the girls to the mini hen and she said no she was just too busy.

So the day after my hen and there's photos of her on social media out that weekend. Bit of a kick in the teeth. I would have preferred that she'd just have been honest and said she didn't want to come or had double booked herself, but to make it about work then post pics to the contrary.... Is she trying to drop a big hint that she's not interested in a friendship any more?

So now I'm thinking I'd really wished I hadn't invited her and her bf to the wedding. I absolutely get that people are busy and have other priorities, but I just feel like I've been let down by her so many times in the short time that I've known her. I'm secretly hoping she tells me herself they can't make the wedding but I think that maybe I should just contact her and uninvite her. Would this be rude? Should I just let her come then faze her out afterwards? Am I expecting too much from someone I've only known a year?

I wouldn't ask her to RSVP. I'd just rescind the invitation in this case. I know it's an unusual thing to do but you're barely still in touch and weren't friends for long so there won't be any fallout or bad feelings.

Just do it in a polite way in case you bump into her at the gym again.

Some friendships seem so promising but just fizzle once the circumstances change, for instance a great work friend you may hardly see after leaving a job.

If she RSVPs 'yes' then what's the point in having her there? It's expense for you and to be honest, I'd feel some resentment after the lack of honesty surrounding other occasions. I wouldn't actually rely on her to turn up going on past form so it would be money wasted, quite possibly.

Maybe try a white lie such as 'I'm sorry to let you know that due to a change in the booking of our wedding, we are having to reduce the number of guests. We are prioritising close family and those who have already RSVP'd so unfortunately will no longer be able to invite you and DP. I hope you are well anyway. Take care'.

Don't pertain to meeting after or go into the real reason. Again, she might apologise and say she would love to come when now you don't really want her there. Alternatively she might say something shitty back when you wouldn't deserve it. This way saves face all round, while mentioning that actually she hasn't formally accepted the invitation anyway so it's on her to some extent.

She's possibly feeling awkward about the accommodation too. I'd clear that up first.

Hey friend just to let you know we have booked our honeymoon and won't be using your cottage. But thanks for the offer.

Then give it a week or too and say you've made a mistake with the numbers, forgot to include the bridal party in the numbers, how embarrassing, 😳 and you have more people coming than space. You need to cancel their invite.

You could just follow a withdrawal message with 'thank you very much for the offer some time ago of the use of your holiday cottage. We have made plans but that was very kind of you'. Im sure she isn't still assuming you're using it, depending how far you got with your prospective plans, but that just squares everything away politely and acknowledges her offer.

I would not withdraw her invitation, I would find it too embarrassing, I would just leave it as it is and put it down to experience.
She may not even turn up.
Maybe these people who you see her with on social media are clients she's entertaining or trying to get work from. X

So I messaged her 2 days ago saying I was just chasing up the last few RSVPs to give the venue final numbers. As her BF hasn't RSVPd yet could she confirm if they were both still coming and if so could he please RSVP on the website. I got no reply but could see she's been online and been posting stories etc. So I sent another message tonight saying,

"I'll save you the hassle of replying since you're obviously too busy and just retract the invitation. A text takes 2 minutes and manners cost nothing. I wish you all the best with everything you do."

Then I blocked her. I know some of you are probably wishing I didn't to see what she said but I'm a big shitebag plus I couldn't be arsed with excuses bla bla bla.

I feel better now knowing I'm not potentially wasting money on 2 no shows but feel like I did the right thing in giving her an opportunity to reply and be honest about her intentions.

Well done OP. But will she still get the message if you've blocked straight after sending?

Yes OP!! Well done, she's rude AF

She obviously had no intention of being there. You’ve done the right thing.

Sorry, have not read the entire thread - but I wouldn't worry about if she and her bf think it is rude for you to uninvite them as

a) She isn't someone close to you and you don't really have to concern yourself as to the impact this would have on your friendship with her (since there really doesn't seem to be one) and

b) she shouldn't find it all that rude considering the fact she clearly didn't think it rude to let you pay for the hen night tickets and then not show up.

As she has form for this, I simply wouldn't risk covering the cost of her and her bf's plates at my wedding if they might not turn up (and especially if so called friend had bailed on me on a number of occasions leading up to it).

It's your wedding day, she's not a real friend anyway, and you don't want her there. Why stress? Just give an excuse and uninvite. I would.

Just saw the update, glad it's resolved for you now. You don't want or need someone like that at your wedding.

Well done!!

She's no real friend. Just say you've scaled back the day. If she can lie to you then you can lie to her.

Id assume she wasnt gonna come anyway looking at the history of how shes treated you.

Just saw you blocked her. Well done!

As long as she gets the message.

Great update op.. enjoy your wedding x

Good update op. You can get her out of your head now and concentrate on enjoying your day.

I know I had previously said I wouldn't uninvite her and ask for the update on the bf. But after that I don't disagree with what you said. You'll most likely never see her again!

Very well handled OP!