Found a credit card statement

[Anxiousmuch]

I just found a scrunched up credit card statement. Its in my partners name and I knew nothing about it. It has a 3500 balance transfer on it and his interest is £60 a month because hes only made minimum payments
He never used to have a credit card and has never told me he took one out.
We've been together twelve years and have two kids and split all household costs bc we both work
I'm furious. Firstly because hes kept it secret, second because I have some savings and could pay this off and third because when we remortgage i fear this will affect us
How would you deal with the hiding of information? I don't know how to bring this up and deal with it
Would you leave someone's for the dishonesty?

I think a lot more is needed here before you decide to leave him. What did he say when you asked him about it? Does he have savings he can use to pay it? Has he kept up with the minimum payments so it doesn’t negatively affect his credit?

Just tell him you found it.

I would want to know where the money has gone and how he planned for this not to be a problem when we remortgaged.

I definitely wouldn’t be raiding my own savings to pay it off for him

I left my first husband for keeping financial secrets. The amount was less but the lies were not something I was happy to have in my marriage.

You need to confront him with it. And find out why he has that debt and kept it hidden from you.

Then you need to make him apply for a 0% interest balance transfer card and move it over to that to at least stop the £60 monthly interest while you decide how to deal with his sorry arse.

This could range from a secret shame of not wanting you to know he's in debt (not great but ego!), to a gambling addition, to a secret spend allocation on the side.

I think you just need to bite the bullet and confront him. It could be nothing, hey it might even be a nice holiday for you he's hoping to sneak by you as a surprise... you simply don't know.

I'd be more concerned about what the money was spent on. He's a grown adult and is entitled to have a credit card if he wants one without telling you. As long as he pays it off himself. Plus it won't affect your credit rating unless he's defaulting on payments. You found it, now just talk to him about it.

What is he using the card for? What is he spending his wages on that he needs a card to survive. Can he only afford to pay the minimum?

I definitely wouldn't be thinking LTB. I would want to know the state of his finances and why he didn't just discuss it with you.

Does he need your permission to apply for a credit card? You sound very controlling.

I wouldn't be LTB over 3.5K, my own credit card is slightly less than that and my partner doesn't know. Not because I am hiding anything, because it is my credit card and he isn't interested (and it is nowt to do with him anyway) what I spend it on. I have no clue what his CC balance is either, probably zero because he hasn't got a shopping habit like mine!

I'm an adult and can manage my own money thanks.

Hmmm. Years ago, I found out that my exh had taken a credit card out that I had no idea about and it only came to light when we were due to re-mortgage as I would have found out anyway. We ended up paying it off when we re-mortgaged but the real issue was the deceit and as it turned out, it did not stop at finances...he then went on to have an affair. I would be very wary about deceit like this in the future for this reason...it is rarely isolated.

But yes, his financial decisions also impact you so really not ok.

Personally I would LTB over any credit card debt a partner ran up behind my back.

Don't care if that is controlling. If you can take a credit card out behind someone's back you are not working together

And generally the credit card debt will be the tip of the iceberg. The money has gone somewhere....

It's not controlling to expect transparency in a long term relationship where you have tied finances. It would be stupid not to.

The statement will show what he’s been buying with it, have you checked?

Slightly baffled by the posters who have suggested you are controlling here OP. I would also be extremely unimpressed had I found my partner a) had taken out a credit card without at least letting me know they had and b) leaving 3.5k debt on it.

When you share a mortgage you tie your finances together so that in itself is warrant for discussion over anything that would impact that. And when you're in a long term relationship you'd also expect there to be communication in general over large purchases (or many small purchases that add up to a large debt like this!).

My suggestion would be to ask with an open mind - people aren't perfect and do make mistakes so it's possible that he's got himself in some trouble (scammed, gambling addiction etc) and is just deeply embarrassed about the whole thing/feels like he let you down and is trying to fix it himself. (In which case he will probably be glad he doesn't feel like he needs to hide it anymore). On the other hand, if, when presented with the evidence, he becomes evasive or angry or anything other than pretty deeply contrite with a good excuse, then that's grounds for more serious concerns.

I would also add that even if he is contrite etc you need to let him know how this lack of honesty has made you feel - only you know if it's a deal breaker for you in and of itself.

I found the same. He was having an affair.

I don't think he has any savings
Hes maze minimum repayments according to to his statement but he isn't paying off any more than that

What is he buying?

It just has a balance transfer on it so at the moment I have no idea what he spent the last money on originally
We got our remortgage 2 years ago and he didn't have it then

Just a balance transfer no continuing spend
But now wondering if he's maxed hjs overdraft etc
We have separate bank accounts

Op isn’t controlling. They have combined finances. If you choose to combine finances with someone it’s wrong to hide debt as it can impact that person. it’s a really shitty thing to do and it’s not controlling to expect someone to tell you things that may impact you.

I don't know how many credit cards my DP has, or what balance is on them, or what he buys with them. And I don't care. It's not my business. We split all the household costs and we both work. What he does with his cards is up to him as long as it doesn't cost me anything. If I wanted a credit card I would get one, I wouldn't be asking his permission.

No of course not
I have a credit card, but he knows I have it
It's the fact it has a pretty significant debt on it
And that I didn't know he had this particular card
If i needed to use a credit card to pay for something significant I would be have told him

Finding that out would be a priority for me. What did he spend the money on is really important. And why did he lie? And when did he plan on telling you since you are planning on remortgaging.

I know you don’t know those answer. They are the ones I would want.

His reaction and reasons would decide wether I left him or not.

If he doesn't pay the card off (which he isn't at the moment) then it will affect me when we remortgage.
And the money he's sinking in interest repayments is a waste when we have 2 kids

And I assume you have a joint mortgage?

And you are planning on remortgaging, having no idea how much debt he has. And he has no idea how much you have. So you have no clue if you can remortgage.

I have no idea about Dps financial detail. He doesn’t know mine. But we don’t share a mortgage and I don’t need him to do a remortgage sometime soon. So there’s zero impact on me. If he accumulated quite a bit of debt on nothing and it was impacting me, I would expect to be told.

Op isn’t in my position though.