Found a credit card statement

[Anxiousmuch]

I just found a scrunched up credit card statement. Its in my partners name and I knew nothing about it. It has a 3500 balance transfer on it and his interest is £60 a month because hes only made minimum payments
He never used to have a credit card and has never told me he took one out.
We've been together twelve years and have two kids and split all household costs bc we both work
I'm furious. Firstly because hes kept it secret, second because I have some savings and could pay this off and third because when we remortgage i fear this will affect us
How would you deal with the hiding of information? I don't know how to bring this up and deal with it
Would you leave someone's for the dishonesty?

Please don’t use your savings to clear his debt.

If I were you I would want to see proof it was ‘just life costs’. There’s a problem somewhere if his life is going on credit cards. And what one person calls life costs another will feel it’s not necessary. For example if he was buy new shoes and wanted a pair at £100 but couldn’t afford them and put them on a credit card, but could have afforded a £50, I would find that unnecessary.

I get people don’t like this opinion, but I wouldn’t want to be financially linked to someone who did that consistently and ended up in loads of debt.

Does he not earn a lot, in comparison to your joint outgoings? Why did his ‘life costs’ need to go on the credit card? And why did he hide it? There’s a good chance he hid it because he knew he didn’t need to put ‘life costs’ on the credit card. There’s also a good chance that it’s not ‘life costs’ at all.

I do get why this is upsetting for you. You don’t want to be with someone who is financially irresponsible or who has hidden it from you. That’s ok.

Regarding your remortgage, if you were just going on another deal, with the same building society, they often don’t do credit checks.

Don't even consider it, that would be madness. He doesn't get to be reckless with his money hide it and then have you bail him out. Think of yourself and your future

personally I don’t think 10k of stale debt is that big of a problem in the big picture ( how much is the mortgage in comparison, that just a different sort of debt)

but a max out over draft would be a worry sounds like your living expenses are greater than your income - that needs attention

What’s your relative earnings and contributions to household bills/mortgage/food etc
how can you have savings but he’s building up debt on general life costs? Is it really day to day living or is there secret shopping habits or some other ….. if it’s the former is he overstretched vs his income? If the latter, we’ll that’s a different problem
if you’re able to save his come he’s in a debt situation ?

personally I don’t think 10k of stale debt is that big of a problem in the big picture ( how much is the mortgage in comparison, that just a different sort of debt)

I think it’s a pretty debt considering it’s his alone, it’s also pretty big in that he hid it. You wouldn’t have a problem with the person you share your life with secretly spending £10,000 and hiding it from you?

@Anxiousmuch he's told you he has 2 credit cards. Why aren't you demanding full disclosure so you can double check everything he has told you - IMHO he will have to go all in to demonstrate he is being open and can be trusted (well - it will be a long time before that happens - probably never imho) - I doubt very much that he has come clean at the first time of asking about absolutely everything. I think you need to be able to go through his statements and see that there aren't other cards, or other dubious payments and subscriptions. I'd put money on it that you will soon be posting again about the next new discoveries. I'm sorry by the way - it's a horrible shock - but I don't think any relationship is worth having unless there is total trust at the heart of it.

On the bright side @Anxiousmuch, you didn't have any trouble remortgaging last time, so there's no reason to think you would have any problem doing so again in the future. I wouldn't fancy having 10k of debt, but it's a lot less than many people I know.

People can easily end up with debt if they are basically wasteful with money. A coffee and a sandwich every working day adds up to £200 per month. If you add in a few evenings out, the odd splurge in TK Maxx, etc, etc, you could easily end up in debt before you've even thought of developing a coke or prostitute habit. Once you're in debt and not paying off your credit card in full, you're just making things worse because of the interest rate.

I absolutely wouldn't pay off his debt. However, I also wouldn't be thinking of chucking him out (unless it was coke and prostitutes after all). Nowhere in your posts do you suggest that you share your finances - you have separate accounts, share bills, and are not married. That being the case, you can't really object to what he does with his money and his debt, though you can think he's a dick.

I also think that it would be a terrible idea to demand to see all his statements etc. The OP is not his mother.

@YoureSuchADramaLlama
if we were not married and my partner had 10k of debt, the actual debt would not bother me ( not my debt, not my problem), but I would want to know why they felt they had to hide it, , judging by the comment by lackstar above, I can see why really, I’m the partner, not the money police,, but I guess that’s just how I see things.
I know my newish partner has 6 + k of debt as they had to buy a car & that’s none of my business really.

@NoDatingForOldMen your new partner having 6k of debt presumably doesn’t impact you so no wonder you don’t think it’s that big of a problem whereas OP has children and has just bought her house with her DP who has hidden 10k of debt so it absolutely will impact her and their children’s lives.

Aside from the fact he's lied etc, I'd also be annoyed he didn't at least move it to a 0% card. That seems very odd.

@YoureSuchADramaLlama
Yes, maybe so, if the couple have just bought a house in the SE, they will probably have something around £250k of secured debt,, so in the big picture, it’s not that much.
But if has been built up from living expenses , this could suggest the couple are living beyond their means

I'd want to know exactly what these 'life costs' are.

Happened to my mum and dad. They were comfortable, didn't need a CC, he just fancied a splurge.

Ran up a load of debt.

She divorced himself