Found a credit card statement

[Anxiousmuch]

I just found a scrunched up credit card statement. Its in my partners name and I knew nothing about it. It has a 3500 balance transfer on it and his interest is £60 a month because hes only made minimum payments
He never used to have a credit card and has never told me he took one out.
We've been together twelve years and have two kids and split all household costs bc we both work
I'm furious. Firstly because hes kept it secret, second because I have some savings and could pay this off and third because when we remortgage i fear this will affect us
How would you deal with the hiding of information? I don't know how to bring this up and deal with it
Would you leave someone's for the dishonesty?

This is all very melodramatic.

No, it won’t affect any remortgaging and it isn’t that much, certainly not worth getting into a state about.

Some people slip into overdraft then use cc to clear it and so on, so it’s quite possible that the spending has been innocuous.

Try to approach this with an open mind and heart. It might be that he needs some support with money management and will be relieved to have it in the open.

You clearing his debt is less than ideal. Him hooking up with a budgeting service could be of great benefit to him personally and you as a family.

People are fallible, everyone slips up and needs a safe place to fall.

Your fury about this is telling; I genuinely think it is extreme and you need to reflect on why this has rattled you so.

Only if the payments stop, CC companies like ppl who only pay the minimum amount as they can charge interest & fees etc, the chances of them coming to look for the money ( while it’s being paid back) is pretty low

I'd go with an open mind - it could have been something he just didn't think was a big deal, might have just thought it would help with managing things then not used it very well.

I have to say, I generally hate the idea of debt, and if you're like me in that respect i can see this being upsetting, but rather than going in furious, tell him you're worried because you found this and you don't know what it's about - leave it open to him to explain.

Sorry OP but I would be wondering what - or who, he is spending the money on. Does he 'go away' much? Even spend whole days/nights away?

You do sound controlling. My dh wouldn't know how many cards I have or the balances. We both trust each other financially. We both pay bills 50:50 but otherwise have separate accounts. I have about 3k on one that i used to pay a holiday. I have the money but it was 0% on purchases for 12 months and I can earn 2.5% on my savings so it makes sense. It won't necessarily affect remortgaging unless he's defaulting in payments and access to credit can help your credit score.

Because life is fucking hard for some people and some people live pay day to pay day. Don’t be such a judgey twat.

You need to just tell him you found it. A good friend of mine has a lot of debt her DH knows nothing about. She used to change shifts to intercept credit card statements before you could change to online only. They even moved to a cheaper area and had a sum of money that could have easily paid it off (probably 15-20k she owes) but she still didn’t confess. She said he will leave her if he finds out but I doubt that. She’s a really lovely person, he’s a bit of a dreamer and thinks he’s better than he is. All that debt she’s build has been built in the supermarket, buying expensive food instead of living within their means. That’s the worse part of it, she just needed to say their budget can’t stretch to the food he wants. I’ve never seen such a full fridge and their kids were always great eaters but their evening meal was like a special night every night. It’s been 15yrs at least now she’s been hiding it, always minimum payment

A balance transfer means the situation is even worse! He has had to transfer a previous debt you didn’t know about. This requires a serious, detailed discussion.

Everything I wanted to say.

For goodness sake … he has a credit card you didn’t know about and you’re thinking of leaving him ….I’ve heard it all now!

I’m not sure whether my DH has a credit card or not. I really don’t care. I have one which he knows nothing about. Not because I’m hiding it from him, but because I’m an adult and earn my own money which I can spend as I please. I still pay my share of bills, and don’t struggle with monthly credit card payments. I can’t see why just because you’re in a relationship you need to run everything by your partner, unless of course it’s causing financial difficulties which impact the family.

You may not know that it is until it's too late. That's the point.

Same. My credit cards are my business and his are his. It’s worked pretty well for 24 years and paying a mortgage off.

I find this keeping credit cards separate a worry. You're a married couple. Not individuals. Cards, bills etc should all be joint or at least both know and be aware what the other has, because on the death of a spouse you don't want debt collectors to knock on your door about a credit card you didn't know even existed, it also means in the event of a death you can have access to that money if needed. I don't know why people get married if they are going to live like separate people instead of one half of each other.

A balance transfer means the situation is even worse! He has had to transfer a previous debt you didn’t know about. This requires a serious, detailed discussion

Does it bollocks. Balance transfers are part of responsible borrowing. I bought something for 12k about 6 years ago on an interest-free credit card (because it was cheaper than taking out a loan). At the end of the interest-free period, I switch to another credit card offering the same. I don't buy anything on the card, obviously. But it's a 12k loan at 0% interest, which is fine by me (I could have spent the 12k upfront without a problem, but didn't see any reason to). Look at Martin Lewis Moneysaving Expert for how to use credit sensibly.

because on the death of a spouse you don't want debt collectors to knock on your door about a credit card you didn't know even existed

They won't, as they are not married, so are not spouses. Sorry to be boring about this.

How do you know they are married? , I didn’t read that.
the rest of your points are mostly wrong, credit cards and the associated debt is always individual.
Death has absolutely no relevance in this instance

Why does he need to hide it? Dishonesty is a character flaw - what else is he lying about?

Absolutely, I do this too, but I don’t keep it secret or make minimum payments so the dept doesn’t go down. This is a couple who agreed to pool their finances. She is doing that. He is taken suspiciously poor financial decisions that will effect the family and keeping them secret!

I find this keeping credit cards separate a worry. You're a married couple. Not individuals

This attitude is why I would never marry. Not an individual? Of course they are - they even have separate bank accounts.

Also, no where does it say they're married.

You're a married couple. Not individuals

What on earth? These two things aren't mutually exclusive. In a healthy relationship at least.

So for those who want to know
I calmly confronted him about it
He has told me he has two credit cards and a maxed out overdraft totalling £10,000 of debt.

He's lied / hidden it for years. As we took remortgage with same building society and never missed a payment I don't know if they did the full checks

I feel really hurt and like I've tried to make an adult life with a reckless teenager

He insists the money was just spent on life costs. I'm too tired to look into it any further at the moment.

I've told him he should go to his parents in the morning, because I need some space. His mum is very sensible and won't be as hurt / angry as me so I am hoping she can help him sort the shitshow he's got us into out

If needs must I can clear this up level of debt but it'd leave me with hardly any savings

I'll be honest I'd have never ever of expected this. He's lied for ages. :(

£10,000 is a lot of debt, OP, that's huge. He is not giving you any actual answers, because what kind of 'life costs' would he possibly endure, to rack up that much debt? It doesn't make any sense, unless he has a serious secret alcohol or drug/cocaine whatever habit he is keeping from you. It just does not make any sense. No way can 'life costs' cause that debt, and I'm sure you realise this. I hope you get to the bottom of it, but I doubt I could trust him again, especially as you have no idea what on earth he did that could possible amass such a massive debt.

Please don't spend your savings to clear his debt. Depending on what happens next you may need them more than ever now.

This is a rubbish situation, and you will only find out by asking, although it may feel like an awful betrayal don’t go mental till you find out what it’s spent on. Even if he’s just paying the minimum he is still paying it, but can understand your nervousness if it comes to remortgaging. He might have got himself into trouble and too worried to tell you and trying to sort it out himself, the fact it was a crumpled up is not great, but he would have totally removed it from the house if he didn’t want to you find out at all

Oh god I’ve just seen your update, please ignore my message it’s totally irrelevant