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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Inheritance to new girlfriend over DD

164 replies

Citycentre3 · 10/11/2022 00:11

I just can't get over that a man who suddenly becomes in a position to buy a property instead of renting, due to a family inheritance would priortise a new girlfriend that he has known for around a month instead of his own young daughter.

This is exactly what my brother in law has done. Surely it is his duty as a father to provide a home for his child and not some latest piece he has met off Tinder

He split up from the mother of his child a few months previous. They both lived in a rented property, so he moved out and rented somewhere else to live on his own.

His own family home was sold due to inheritance reasons, and the money was split between 3 siblings. Surely any sane normal man would see this as an opportunity to give his child some stability?

his ex partner now lives in a rough council estate with a new partner and his dd, who he sees twice a month.

This woman that he had known literally for 5 weeks, got to decide where the house should be and what kind of property she wanted.

Just to be clear she never contributed to the deposit on the house and my brother in law pays the mortgage, but her name is on the title deeds.

Tell me people, are these now the normal actions of a decent loving father in 2022?

OP posts:
Lil50 · 11/11/2022 07:04

Whether or not it is right or wrong for him to do what he has done he has done it and he has full rights to do it. As long as he pays maintenance on the child that is all he is legally required to do so keep your nose out of it

fjäl · 11/11/2022 13:11

Citycentre3 · 10/11/2022 15:42

I also think it is bizarre that this woman identifies herself as a "feminist".

I was not aware that stealing a little girls inheritance passes for feminism these days!

Stealing a little girls inheritance 😂 oh the hysterics!

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 11/11/2022 13:15

Is there any wonder there are so many hapless Dads that are allowed to get away with murder with responses like these?

Do you have a sideline writing headlines for Daily Mail articles?

AlexandriasWindmill · 11/11/2022 13:40

How awful that he blew <checks notes> his DD's inheritance on fast cars and drugs ... oh, no, wait a minute, he bought a house in a nice area that his DD can stay in. The bastard Hmm

Upsidedownagain · 11/11/2022 13:53

Financially providing for a child doesn't mean buying a property for his ex. Investing his own money in a property seems eminently sensible to me; adding the name of someone he barely knows to the deeds, extremely foolish. But I presume he isn't interested in your opinion, and as a grown man, that's his prerogative.

mindutopia · 11/11/2022 14:48

It sounds like both parents have moved on too quickly and moved new partners in with their dd way, way too soon.

I suppose you never know the arrangement from a financial perspective. Maybe they are tenants in common and she only holds 5% of the property, and he has ringfenced his deposit. That said, he's still an idiot for buying property with someone he barely knows.

Laneyy · 11/11/2022 14:52

Eugh selfish parenting. So many people don't give a shiny shit about their existing children and want to desperately please the new shag. It's gross.

Liorae · 11/11/2022 15:18

Laneyy · 11/11/2022 14:52

Eugh selfish parenting. So many people don't give a shiny shit about their existing children and want to desperately please the new shag. It's gross.

I agree, it sounds like the kid has two shit parents .

Icantthinkwhat · 11/11/2022 15:43

Upsidedownagain · 11/11/2022 13:53

Financially providing for a child doesn't mean buying a property for his ex. Investing his own money in a property seems eminently sensible to me; adding the name of someone he barely knows to the deeds, extremely foolish. But I presume he isn't interested in your opinion, and as a grown man, that's his prerogative.

And that is EXACTLY what the OP has being saying and the professionally offended have been snippy about her expecting your bil to purchase a property for his ex ... NOWHERE has the OP said this !

She expects the BIL to buy a property for HIMSELF.. and to ensure it is bequeathed to his daughter. Howe we now this woman is on the deeds she will have some rights. It may be 50/50 or she may have got him to right a will in her favour.
If he is stupid enough to put someone on the deeds without her contributing he is stupid enough for anything.

YANBU

scaredoff · 11/11/2022 16:20

There are no gold standards of fatherhood that men can aspire to anymore, because of course men are entitled to think more of a casual aquintance than their own child, yeah men have needs and all that nonsense. Well what about the needs of his poor daughter?

Utterly pathetic, but of course this is Mumsnet

Ah yes, Mumsnet - that well known bastion of men's rights, defender of male fecklessness and irresponsibility.

badassbaby · 11/11/2022 16:23

Citycentre3 · 10/11/2022 00:11

I just can't get over that a man who suddenly becomes in a position to buy a property instead of renting, due to a family inheritance would priortise a new girlfriend that he has known for around a month instead of his own young daughter.

This is exactly what my brother in law has done. Surely it is his duty as a father to provide a home for his child and not some latest piece he has met off Tinder

He split up from the mother of his child a few months previous. They both lived in a rented property, so he moved out and rented somewhere else to live on his own.

His own family home was sold due to inheritance reasons, and the money was split between 3 siblings. Surely any sane normal man would see this as an opportunity to give his child some stability?

his ex partner now lives in a rough council estate with a new partner and his dd, who he sees twice a month.

This woman that he had known literally for 5 weeks, got to decide where the house should be and what kind of property she wanted.

Just to be clear she never contributed to the deposit on the house and my brother in law pays the mortgage, but her name is on the title deeds.

Tell me people, are these now the normal actions of a decent loving father in 2022?

"Latest piece?" Ugh

Ekátn · 11/11/2022 16:38

Icantthinkwhat · 11/11/2022 15:43

And that is EXACTLY what the OP has being saying and the professionally offended have been snippy about her expecting your bil to purchase a property for his ex ... NOWHERE has the OP said this !

She expects the BIL to buy a property for HIMSELF.. and to ensure it is bequeathed to his daughter. Howe we now this woman is on the deeds she will have some rights. It may be 50/50 or she may have got him to right a will in her favour.
If he is stupid enough to put someone on the deeds without her contributing he is stupid enough for anything.

YANBU

Except for where op pointed out that the mother lives in a bad area.

exactly what does that have to do with how he spent his money.

Its extremely likely he protected his deposit. And op has no clue how much she isn’t or isn’t paying. It’s really clear Op is a misogynistic dick and simply hates this woman for existing.

He has bought a home. And he waited a damn lot longer than the mother did before moving someone in. Though I think both of them are wrong there. On the other hand I don’t quite believe the Ops timeline. The mother must have moved in with someone within days.

What he did with his money is not the ops business. How he sets up his home and who with is non of the ops business. If she cared about him moving in with someone too soon, she would be equally bothered by the mother. The area the mother lives in is entirely irrelevant. But he did buy a home.

TomTraubertsBlues · 11/11/2022 16:41

So he inherited some money, and chose to use that money to buy himself a house to live in, along with his new GF. Presumably when his daughter sees him she'll also spend some time in this house?

I'm not seeing the issue tbh. He is securing his financial future by buying himself a house, which puts him in a good position to provide for his DD going forwards.

What did you expect him to do?

TomTraubertsBlues · 11/11/2022 16:47

This is why I was gobsmacked when meeting Bil's girlfriend for the second time, she started talking about the inheritance that was coming and what properties she was looking to move into. She said things like dp wants to live in x place but I think y is more convenient for me getting to work etc.

If they live together, it is 100% normal that she would have views on which area they end up living in! Regardless of how much she contributed, or what % of the mortgage she will be paying, she will be living there.

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