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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Inheritance to new girlfriend over DD

164 replies

Citycentre3 · 10/11/2022 00:11

I just can't get over that a man who suddenly becomes in a position to buy a property instead of renting, due to a family inheritance would priortise a new girlfriend that he has known for around a month instead of his own young daughter.

This is exactly what my brother in law has done. Surely it is his duty as a father to provide a home for his child and not some latest piece he has met off Tinder

He split up from the mother of his child a few months previous. They both lived in a rented property, so he moved out and rented somewhere else to live on his own.

His own family home was sold due to inheritance reasons, and the money was split between 3 siblings. Surely any sane normal man would see this as an opportunity to give his child some stability?

his ex partner now lives in a rough council estate with a new partner and his dd, who he sees twice a month.

This woman that he had known literally for 5 weeks, got to decide where the house should be and what kind of property she wanted.

Just to be clear she never contributed to the deposit on the house and my brother in law pays the mortgage, but her name is on the title deeds.

Tell me people, are these now the normal actions of a decent loving father in 2022?

OP posts:
k1233 · 10/11/2022 03:19

If she's on the title deeds (second last paragraph of OP) then he's thinking with his head. Unfortunately, not with the one that holds his brain...

Male or female, you are very silly to put a virtual stranger on title deeds for a property you have purchased and they have made no contribution to. Hopefully he took legal advice and has protected his inheritance with an appropriately drafted agreement.

Blablablaaaaa · 10/11/2022 03:44

If they are not married he probably has ring fenced his house deposit so that it’s safe if they split

Blablablaaaaa · 10/11/2022 03:45

also her wages probably had to be used in the calculations to afford a mortgage

GoAgainstNicki · 10/11/2022 03:49

BadNomad · 10/11/2022 00:50

But why are you so annoyed about him moving in with a woman after a hot minute when the child's mother has done the same thing? Is the child not allowed to stay in his new house or something?

I was thinking the exact same thing?

SunflowerTed · 10/11/2022 04:16

Citycentre3 · 10/11/2022 00:32

No I expected him to buy a house for HIMSELF to live in, so his daughter had somewhere to stay when he had access and not include someone he was not in a proper relationship at the time of the inheritance on the title deeds.

It’s absolutely none of your business

ZekeZeke · 10/11/2022 04:22

Mind your own business.
This has nothing to do with you
Neither the BIL, his new partner or the child are even related to you

Even if they were related to you, it still wouldn't be any of your business.

Aprilx · 10/11/2022 06:32

Ekátn · 10/11/2022 02:50

Op says she is on the title deeds in the Op.

She does say that, but I am wondering how on earth she would know. I do not know the particulars of anybody’s house deeds other than my own. I do not know what my siblings, siblings in law or any friends have done. Who discusses this with people and in particular with people that they are not on good terms with (as it sounds like here).

medicatedgift · 10/11/2022 06:40

So he's in the wrong because he bought a house which must've taken months and his new partner is a "piece" but it's ok for his ex to have a new partner because she lives in a council house?

JennyJungle · 10/11/2022 06:45

Citycentre3 · 10/11/2022 00:32

No I expected him to buy a house for HIMSELF to live in, so his daughter had somewhere to stay when he had access and not include someone he was not in a proper relationship at the time of the inheritance on the title deeds.

Well he did buy a house for himself to live in and it’s absolutely non of your business if he decided to put someone else on the deeds.

I’d be equally worried about the mum already living with a new partner also after a few months on a rough council estate as you put it.

SheCameRoundAMountain · 10/11/2022 06:47

Hang on.

He sees his child twice a month? This is a typical EOW arrangement, nothing immoral there.

He bought a house with an inheritance? Happens all the time.

The house is big enough for his child to stay in during contact? Good-o.

His relationship is quite new? Not sure how that's your business.

The child's mother is living in a council house? Pass the smelling salts!!

Nothing about this story is notable in any way whatsoever, unless there's a massive drip feed!

WrongWayApricot · 10/11/2022 07:16

You're actually the ex and was hoping to get back together maybe? Confused

Citycentre3 · 10/11/2022 07:33

I was brought up to believe a father should provide for his children and not random women they barely know.

Seems the majority of people on here were not instilled with these values. I think it demonstrates what is so wrong with today's society and why so many children of separated parents suffer, because their parents are so selfish.

OP posts:
Ekátn · 10/11/2022 07:37

Citycentre3 · 10/11/2022 07:33

I was brought up to believe a father should provide for his children and not random women they barely know.

Seems the majority of people on here were not instilled with these values. I think it demonstrates what is so wrong with today's society and why so many children of separated parents suffer, because their parents are so selfish.

He is providing for his child. Absolutely no one said he shouldn’t. If you have to try and twist what people have said, to try and make yourself feel better, you are definitely in the wrong.

He has bought a house. Which is what you claim you think he should have done.

It’s quite clear you expected him to buy the ex the house instead.

ladydimitrescu · 10/11/2022 07:38

So you wanted him buy a house for himself so he has somewhere for DD to stay - he has.
Your issue is that the girlfriend is on the deeds.
This has nothing to do with providing for his child in the slightest. It's none of your business either.

medicatedgift · 10/11/2022 07:41

So his gf is likely to have has her income count towards a the mortgage but she should live there and not protect her own interests by going on the deeds?

WhatTheHellIsAQuasar · 10/11/2022 07:43

Citycentre3 · 10/11/2022 07:33

I was brought up to believe a father should provide for his children and not random women they barely know.

Seems the majority of people on here were not instilled with these values. I think it demonstrates what is so wrong with today's society and why so many children of separated parents suffer, because their parents are so selfish.

The mother has moved some random bloke in with her kid very quickly. Nothing to say about that? That’s worse than buying a house

Citycentre3 · 10/11/2022 07:45

As I have said previously I expected him to buy a house for himself ONLY.

As he told this woman an inheritance was due to come practically the first time he met her, he will never know the true reasons she continued the relationship.

It would have been far wiser to wait and see if the relationship was going to be properly established first before telling her such details, like a substantial amount of money was about to come his way.

OP posts:
Gazelda · 10/11/2022 07:46

Citycentre3 · 10/11/2022 07:33

I was brought up to believe a father should provide for his children and not random women they barely know.

Seems the majority of people on here were not instilled with these values. I think it demonstrates what is so wrong with today's society and why so many children of separated parents suffer, because their parents are so selfish.

You have absolutely no knowledge of the values of posters on this thread!

FWIW, one of my values is that I do not judge others. Just saying ...

Ekátn · 10/11/2022 07:48

Citycentre3 · 10/11/2022 07:45

As I have said previously I expected him to buy a house for himself ONLY.

As he told this woman an inheritance was due to come practically the first time he met her, he will never know the true reasons she continued the relationship.

It would have been far wiser to wait and see if the relationship was going to be properly established first before telling her such details, like a substantial amount of money was about to come his way.

It might have been wiser.

That doesn’t mean it’s any of your business, he isn’t providing for his daughter or that it’s any of your business.

ZekeZeke · 10/11/2022 07:48

Citycentre3 · 10/11/2022 07:45

As I have said previously I expected him to buy a house for himself ONLY.

As he told this woman an inheritance was due to come practically the first time he met her, he will never know the true reasons she continued the relationship.

It would have been far wiser to wait and see if the relationship was going to be properly established first before telling her such details, like a substantial amount of money was about to come his way.

It's absolutely none of your business.
Your expectations are of no consequence to him.
Don't you get that?

RudsyFarmer · 10/11/2022 07:49

This is none of your business I’m afraid so the best thing you can do for your own mental health is leave him to it.

HelloBunny · 10/11/2022 07:50

He doesn’t seem very bright...

medicatedgift · 10/11/2022 07:52

What's it got to do with you?

My children are provided for outwith the ownership of my house. If my partner and I get a place together we will provide for our own children but both of us will be on the deeds of the house.

ihatethefuckingmuffin · 10/11/2022 07:53

Citycentre3 · 10/11/2022 07:33

I was brought up to believe a father should provide for his children and not random women they barely know.

Seems the majority of people on here were not instilled with these values. I think it demonstrates what is so wrong with today's society and why so many children of separated parents suffer, because their parents are so selfish.

I believe that parents should put their children first and this does not include the main carer shacking up with some random bloke within a short period of time.

Housing is down to both parents to provide a safe and secure home for their children. Whether one parent can afford two homes depends on their own circumstances.

How do you know all these details about the dad? If he’s told you this tbh I would take the deeds thing with a pinch of salt.

medicatedgift · 10/11/2022 07:54

I wouldn't live in a house I was contributing to without being on the deeds.