Inheritance to new girlfriend over DD

[Citycentre3]

I just can't get over that a man who suddenly becomes in a position to buy a property instead of renting, due to a family inheritance would priortise a new girlfriend that he has known for around a month instead of his own young daughter.

This is exactly what my brother in law has done. Surely it is his duty as a father to provide a home for his child and not some latest piece he has met off Tinder

He split up from the mother of his child a few months previous. They both lived in a rented property, so he moved out and rented somewhere else to live on his own.

His own family home was sold due to inheritance reasons, and the money was split between 3 siblings. Surely any sane normal man would see this as an opportunity to give his child some stability?

his ex partner now lives in a rough council estate with a new partner and his dd, who he sees twice a month.

This woman that he had known literally for 5 weeks, got to decide where the house should be and what kind of property she wanted.

Just to be clear she never contributed to the deposit on the house and my brother in law pays the mortgage, but her name is on the title deeds.

Tell me people, are these now the normal actions of a decent loving father in 2022?

So the parental home lay empty for years before selling?

Or was the sale an attempt to avoid care costs etc i.e. deliberate deprivation of capital?

I think it’s very unlikely he has met someone and jointly purchased a home together in 5 weeks. I can believe she lives there but not that it’s a joint purchase. Anyone with any experience of buying a property will concur.

Well he’s an idiot if he’s put her name on the deeds without her contributing to (as a minimum) the mortgage.

Will you still be over invested in years to come when he, in your eyes, fails his child again when the property is sold for his care, thus nothing to inherit.

He's known her for longer than 5 weeks. He just doesn't want anyone else to know that. Probably met her when he was still married.

Unless she is like a decade younger than him with golden tits or something, I doubt he bought her a place in her name after just 5 weeks.

This.

What you mean is, he will buy a house for himself and his daughter/new girlfriend have somewhere lovely to visit.

He's asked for help in choosing somewhere nice, that his daughter will be able to see as her home. What in the world is wrong with that?

I also think it is bizarre that this woman identifies herself as a "feminist"
I was not aware that stealing a little girls inheritance passes for feminism these days!
😂🤣
Get a grip OP. And explain how she is not a "feminist" by purchasing a house WITH her partner. Not that I believe she's on the deeds. I think you are just trying to add some credibility to your made up scenario.
I think it's bizarre that you'd identify as 'moral' 🤷‍♀️

There's a whole bunch of jealousy/dislike rolled up and presented as faux 'concern'
Don't think that no one sees it.
Concentrate on the mother who moved a boyfriend into her daughters home after a couple of months.

Are you the ex???

Is there any wonder there are so many hapless Dads that are allowed to get away with murder with responses like these?

There are no gold standards of fatherhood that men can aspire to anymore, because of course men are entitled to think more of a casual aquintance than their own child, yeah men have needs and all that nonsense. Well what about the needs of his poor daughter?

Utterly pathetic, but of course this is Mumsnet, I doubt people that are giving the "go on son" responses would be quite so cocky if they actually knew someone like that in real life.

They have provided a home for the child though.

No saying his child won’t be staying there at all.

Who knows now he has a home for her he might take the next course of action and want more custody of her, such as 50/50 of even her main carer. If I knew someone in rl this would be my advise to him

Hes made a wise investment rather than pissing the inheritance up the wall like so many would.

And remind us. What is her mum doing to improve the girls living arrangements?

Well what about the needs of his poor daughter?

From what I can see poor daughter has a home with both mum and dad. Her housing needs are met (even if, as you say, mum's estate is a bit rough).

The only difference I see is that poor daughter might inherit some of dad's property investment. Nice windfall for poor daughter!

There are no gold standards of fatherhood that men can aspire to anymore, because of course men are entitled to think more of a casual aquintance than their own child, yeah men have needs and all that nonsense. Well what about the needs of his poor daughter?

You have consistently failed to address how he thinks more of a ‘casual acquaintance’ than his own child? How in any way has this disadvantaged his daughter? The way I see it, she has only been advantaged by dad now having a nice stable home to stay with him and potentially in his old age he will be able to provide for his own needs in a care home funded by property versus asking her to take him in or fund the care home? He seems to be ‘winning’ in these stakes versus the mum!

You talk about the ‘needs of his poor daughter’ - what needs are those? What is he not currently meeting that he is obliged to?

Utterly pathetic, but of course this is Mumsnet, I doubt people that are giving the "go on son" responses would be quite so cocky if they actually knew someone like that in real life.

I know many men and women who have separated/divorced and repartnered, and purchased property subsequently. Some have even gone on to have more children with new partners. Some have even divorced a second time. This is real life, it happens, so what. Personally, I’m still married to my first spouse and father of our children several decades on, but so what, I’m happy for others to do things differently! Or, do you believe the only option is to separate/divorce and remain single if you do?

I’m also keen to know how you know about the deeds? Did they volunteer this information to you or did you ask? Just because she is choosing location/house/furnishings and refers to it as ‘our house’ doesn’t mean she is automatically on the deeds. I also aspect he has known her for a lot longer than you think or they are telling you, which wouldn’t be odd given in the same time he has been single the daughters mum has moved in with some bloke. Maybe he was going out with her while still with the mum, who knows? Who cares?

I suspect you must be the mum as no one else can possibly be this invested, or batshit over what seems a pretty normal, common situation.

It sounds as though he could now have the children to live with him. His ex sounds as dodgy as hell, moving the children in with a new man so soon after splitting up. There are red flags galore there.

Oh, and yes, you are being totally unreasonable, he should in no way he expected to buy his ex and her new boyfriend a home.

He is providing for them, he’s bought a house so that they have somewhere to stay when they are with him. It may even allow him to have them more of the time.

Why are you not blaming the mother for what she’s done here?

No, pretty much no lender will allow that.

I think it’s more that few people, are bitter nosey types that get obsessed about some younger (prettier?) woman.

Where’s your gold standard of motherhood? You really believe that the mother who moved her child in with someone after a few weeks, is the gold standard.

She clearly didn’t do it to improve her living standard if between her and her partner they live an area so bad, people think the child’s father should finance them moving.

What makes no sense is that you are more annoyed at the father than the mother, even though the mother has also prioritised her ‘new piece’ over the child. But not even attained any stability for the child in the process.

No one said he was a good dad. We don’t know. But this act of buying a stable home with his girlfriend isn’t the bit that makes him good or bad.

You actually have no idea of the set up. It’s likely his deposit is protected and the girlfriend is paying part of the mortgage which is why she is on the deeds.

Your complaints sound like the complaints of an ex who feels they missed out on getting their hands on some of the money, by a few months and feels badly done to. You sound more like someone who is sat in a house in a bad area, looking at their new partner thinking you made the wrong choice and regret splitting and moving in with the new partner, based solely on the fact that ex now has some money. You sound like someone who needs people to agree your ex should have financed you and your new partner and using the child as the reason you think he should do that. You sound like someone who wished they had hung on a little while longer and benefitted from the money But really who would go online pretending to be someone’s Sil when they are actually the ex? 🙄

As the Sil, Why are you not concerned about the whole situation? If Bil has moved in with someone too quick, so did the mother. Within weeks, she moved her child in with someone she barely knows. Are you not concerned about how both of them are carrying on and the impact on the child?

Its entirely hypocritical to say him buying a house with a new woman, is any worse than what the mother did.

No one is saying ‘go on son’. They are saying it’s non of your business. If I knew someone who did this in real life, I would think it’s non of my business how he set up the purchase of his property. I wouldn’t think this one act means he is a worse parent than the mother who chose to live with someone she barely knows, weeks after the split who moved to such a bad area to have a live in shag. That doesn’t mean I would think this one act makes him a good dad either.

Your posts sound more like jealousy than anything else.

Hang on. So if he’d known his girlfriend 5 weeks at the point he bought a house with her and his ex-partner was living with her child and boyfriend, when did the mother and boyfriend start living together? I’d be pretty uncomfortable about any child living with a new partner so quickly things must have moved very fast so really really focus on making sure your neice is ok.

As long as her father pays maintenance and provides a secure home when she visits I not sure why you care so much or even know the finer details of who’s on the deeds and who chose where to move or how to decorate. The moral issue is about the child welfare and wellbeing.

“even though we had been together for 12 years”
so you are the ex then?

I believe BIL is the OP's husband's brother, that is how she knows so much about the inheritance.

Honestly OP, with each new post you just make yourself out to be more of a idiot. Your BIL can do whatever he wants with his inheritance - he can go on a world cruise, gamble it all away, drink it away, snort it up his nose. Has he done those things? No, he has purchased a house. With each post all you are doing is making most of us side with the girlfriend, your comments are just so ridiculous and you are starting to sound unhinged.

What are these "needs" of his poor daughter incidentally? No-one is entitled to an inheritance from their parents. The daughter will have to get a job and earn her money like other people do.

Well of course there is not legislation about it. What a stupid statement! Why on earth would anyone make law about whether people being on deeds but not a mortgage.

You have also made (an incorrect) statement that you cannot be on a mortgage without being on the deeds, well there is no law about that either but you still said it.

There's no inheritance at all at the moment as nobody in this scenario has died yet, surely?

He put his inheritance into his house. He didn’t opt to rehouse his the mother of his child and her ‘new piece’.

Hmmm the fact you think this man isn’t capable of a father based solely on a financial transaction you don’t approve of says more about you than him.

She hasn’t stolen anything and nor has he given anything away. And it isn’t the child’s inheritance for stealing / giving away anyway. She is 4 years old, he is not dead and presumably a young man with many years ahead of him.

I don’t think you have the full facts anyway, but even at face value, I think it is bizarre that you think once a man has a child he is not allowed to build a life and buy a home with another person. Especially when you think it is ok for the mother to move a new woman in to the main home in next to no time at all.

It is obviously, particularly with your earlier slip up, that it is you that is the ex and for whatever reason you think he should just hand this money over to you, I am embarrassed for you to be so utterly greedy over other peoples money. You really are crazy if you think anyone would do that.