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Original poster

Dating in your 50s/post-divorce dating/relationship questions

33 replies

blisstwins · 07/11/2022 15:37

I don't know how to articulate what I am feeling, but am hoping that others will share their experiences starting later in life relationships. I have been divorced for a while, 5+ years and my children are about to finish school (uni next year). My divorce was traumatic--was married 16 years, spouse led double life, left for someone 22 years younger, and did not keep in touch with our children. So I had the children 100% and focus was on them.

I started dating someone last year. It is long distance (ish) and he is more recently divorced. I knew him for a long-time before and most is good. When we are together it is great, actually. But what is the point really? We each have our families and obligations. I cannot imagine anyone I would like more than him. But I don't think we would ever move to be with each other full-time. It just seems that dating at this age is almost pointless. I never casually dated when I was younger, so maybe that is part of my struggle? I don't even know what I am hoping for. Just feeling sad that I have this kind of wonderful person who I adore being with, but it feels so pointless.

OP posts:
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 07/11/2022 23:41

Eggygirl · 07/11/2022 23:06

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune so women in their 50s have to settle and be grateful that someone 'age appropriate' gives them a second glance?
No wonder you don't Rock the boat by 'unloading' on your SO, too scared in case he runs off with the first 30 year old he sees

Well, I don't consider it settling to accept that someone can't meet 100 percent of my needs, especially when the pool of available partners has shrunken considerably compared to when I was 20, 30 and even 40. I select for the qualities that are most important to me.

Perhaps others' experiences vary, but I think most women in their 50s in the dating pool would confirm that men our age want younger women, and that men around 70 & up are more likely to seek out 50-something women. It's just an unfortunate reality.

LW should do what she needs to do, but options aren't what they are for someone 25 years younger. Many women fending off losers, addicts, multi-divorced, debt-ridden men, or old geezers seeking "a nurse with a purse," would be happy to have sex, travel and good times with a man their own age.

CheekyHobson · 08/11/2022 00:00

Perhaps others' experiences vary, but I think most women in their 50s in the dating pool would confirm that men our age want younger women, and that men around 70 & up are more likely to seek out 50-something women. It's just an unfortunate reality.

Honestly, the people I know who have become single in their 40s and 50s have largely rematched with people in their own age bracket. I know a couple of men who started chasing younger women after their wives left them (for being shitty husbands) but nothing serious has come out of those relationships because the much-younger women are in it for shallow reasons.

Don't know a single 40- or 50-something woman who has been restricted to dating in the 60+/70+ bracket due to lack of other options.

Original poster
blisstwins · 08/11/2022 00:14

Eggygirl · 07/11/2022 23:04

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune Why did you automatically think OP meant she wanted financial support? Of course being in a committed relationship gives you the emotional support as well, just someone to kick ideas around with, talk about your day with, make big and little decisions with. You know, normal things normal people in normal relationships do on a daily basis
I think it would be a very sad and bad relationship to be in if you feel you couldn't 'unload' now and then. Maybe you should be looking at your own relationship rather than making shitty comments about others

Thank you, eggygirl. This is exactly what I meant. Just the feeling of partnership. I am fine financially and in other ways too. Just want a partner.

OP posts:
Eggygirl · 08/11/2022 00:26

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune That's not my experience nor that of any single women I know who have met their partners later in life. I personally met someone my exact age who is extremely handsome, funny, intelligent, successful, solvent. And even if that hadn't been the case, I would much rather have stayed single than to lower my standards, raise my age limit or became a 'nurse with a purse' to a drug addled, impotent, incontinent 80 year old! And I think you'll find the majority of women would feel the same.
So I'm afraid we'll have to agree to disagree

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 08/11/2022 00:31

OK, perhaps my observations aren't representative.

Best of luck to all...

RainyDaysareCarp · 08/11/2022 03:32

Eggygirl · 08/11/2022 00:26

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune That's not my experience nor that of any single women I know who have met their partners later in life. I personally met someone my exact age who is extremely handsome, funny, intelligent, successful, solvent. And even if that hadn't been the case, I would much rather have stayed single than to lower my standards, raise my age limit or became a 'nurse with a purse' to a drug addled, impotent, incontinent 80 year old! And I think you'll find the majority of women would feel the same.
So I'm afraid we'll have to agree to disagree

My experience is the same as you @Eggygirl

Renruter · 04/12/2022 20:31

There is hope. I am your age but I am realistic. I like your attitude and phraseology!

Renruter · 04/12/2022 20:34

Line in the North?

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