Thank you so much BornBlonde, EarringsandLipstick and pifflesticks for your recent messages, and to all those who have helped to stop this thread from being deleted.
You have all given me ,much to think about, but I genuinely believe that I have hit my personal 'rock bottom' and turned a corner. I am feeling stronger now and, hopefully, have more clarity of vision. I always think that the turn of the year is a time for reflection and I have much to reflect upon.
Regarding my therapist, which a number of people have commented on, I think you are maybe right that I need to, if not change, then seek additional support. My present therapist is so kind and compassionate and empathetic and helped me during some of my darkest hours after I lost DH, and I felt so dark and fragile and lost, that I did not know if I could ever face the world again.
She gave me extra sessions, often at short notice, and really went above and beyond to help me during the worst time of my life. So I don't want to stop the sessions, although maybe I should have them less frequently. And, to be fair to her, she said that she wasn't sure that she should continue professionally, as she was beginning to regard me as a friend, but I assured her that I was happy to carry on.
However, I think that, in the new year, maybe when I get back from travelling, I will look for another therapist. I am conscious that I am still fragile, that there are cold and murky waters ahead, with sharks circling, and that I have a long way to go.
In the meantime, I want to say happy new year to all my dear friends on this thread and to wish you all a wonderful and peaceful 2023!