Husband disclosed and affair...where do I go from here?

[DCNO]

Husband admitted to an affair of a few weeks with a coworker, only kisses. Said did not want to lose me/kids but in a matter of hours changed his tune to "I dont know if I have feelings for her and might want to support her financially and see where things go". Today He agreed to end it all with his coworker.
Not sure where to go from here as his mind keeps changing. I am worried and anxious about the future, but determined to be prepared for the worst case scenario. I need your help in putting together a checklist of things to prepare.
Thank you all.

Firstly deal with the immediate shock. If you really had no idea try to find a friend for support.
Do not hysterically bond with him, try to blame yourself or compare yourself with OW.
You will naturally want to know what has been going on, dont torture yourself. Give him one time only chance to tell you the full story. One and he had better come clean.
Seperate, at least temporarily until you decide what you want, but let him know that its all on your terms.
Sort out money paperwork as recommended by OPs above and keep safe.
Let work family know you need personal time while you do the above.
Get some support with your kids, they will be picking up on everything, be honest but let them keep routine.
Be angry! Understand if you decide to stay it will never be the same and think what you need now and in the future.
Dont let this manchild dump all his woes and responsibilities on you while he goes off with his woman. Make sure you plan shared child care over next few months.
You have a right to feel hurt and sad so do not let him mind game to stay under his disclosure.

Op, he has not told you out of regret it trying to save his family… he has just told you because he couldn’t contain the lie anymore.

She is pregnant, if she is not, he loves her. Start putting your ducks in a row, the only power you have on your side is dumping him and hope he cares enough to come back.

Admitted to kissing most likely equals actually they did more than that.

He’s “agreed” to end it. Please don’t do the pick me dance 🤦🏼‍♀️

Another one here saying he’s got her pregnant. I also think she was about to tell you herself which is why he’s got in there first. He’s panicking.

Men don’t offer to financially support anyone unless, well, they’ve got them pregnant. It just doesn’t happen. Where do you go? A shit-hot solicitor. And fast x

Sorry but he’s not ending shit with his coworker. If he’s indecisive he’s decided he’s no certain he’s with you and the kids 100%.

Leave him, if he doesn’t go jumping into her arms (I’d be surprised) it leaves room to reconcile later down the line.

Right now, he is in control of your life - but only because you have ceded control to him. And it's time to take it back.

He's got you doing the "Pick Me" dance. Telling you he might leave or he might not, "his mind keeps changing" and all the while he expects you to passively sit on the sidelines waiting for The Master to finally decide. You're still doing the cooking, the cleaning, his laundry, possibly sharing your bed with him, being all wifely, while he dithers over whether he is still a husband. Enough.

Tell him that you are tired of his ever-changing mind, and thus YOU have made up your mind - he is to leave. He is to pack a bag and move out to a hotel or whatever, you have decided that he cannot possibly make a decision whilst he remains in the family home, moving out will give him space to think clearly. He is not to contact you for three days, and then you will have a conversation about the future. This is what you SAY to him, and you SAY it in a way that he believes you mean it.

The situation will then go one of two ways. One, he panics. He realises you are not doing the Pick Me dance and he is no longer in control of the situation, he might genuinely lose his comfortable life. Or, two - he thinks he can shag the other woman now and skips off happily. (How happy she'll be is another matter - I'd say it's 50:50 at best that she'll entertain the idea.) Either way, you bring this shitshow to a head, and possibly stop it in it's tracks.

You say you are prepared for the worst, by which I presume you mean the end of your marriage. So set the ball rolling - you're prepared for the worst already, and it might not happen if you take control now. If you allow it to drag on, your marriage may never recover even if he stays.

Stop dancing. Take control. Tell him to leave.

Many years ago I opened my door to find a pregnant woman there, she had come to find my husband and to let me know what was going on.
She said he'll pay for this, my reply was if he's paying anything it will be for me and our kids.
Told him to leave, they had another child after that one but the relationship wasn't long lived

Men test their partner in ways such as this to see what they'll tolerate, he's also a massive cunt.
LTB, you deserve so much better.

Anyone else thinking this is a reverse /husband seeing what advice his wife may be getting under the circs/just plain made up ?

Ask him to move out while he makes his mind up but I think you need to seriously think about if you want to be with this man. He is horrible and untrustworthy. Is she pregnant ? Is that why he talks about supporting her ?

He probably scared about divorce and what your take as you got rights.
But I agree she definitely could be pregnant wouldn't be surprised if he told her to abort and she said no so he knows he will need to support her.

If he doesn't know tell him go as he wouldn't have kissed or done what he done in first place. Tell him I wasn't enough for you leave but that's it. You call the shots..

So he might want to financially support a woman he's been seeing for a few weeks and apparently only kissed?

What a load of nonsense.

Nothing confirms an affair quite like a pregnancy.

Do you know any of his colleagues at work ?

@DCNO, how are things going at this point?

He actually believes you’ll wait around for him to choose your future. Tell him he’s badly mistaken.

Take charge, send him away, and speak to a solicitor to learn your options. If possible, investigate what’s really going on here.

Lawyer up now. If he came to you grovelling, one kiss, huge mistake, already broke everything off ... then I'd say there's a chance of working it out.

Instead he's trying to get you to do the pick me dance. If he was truly sorry he'd have nothing to do with her. Zero chance it's only kisses. He is probably now putting this 'financially supporting' her nonsense because she's blackmailing him to give her money in exchange for not telling you the truth.

Is Op coming back....

A bastard AND an evil genius!

You boot him out that's where you go from here

Honestly, I would be thinking VERY carefully about why he would be feeling inclined to financially support someone he has only kissed. Sounds like your husband is minimising and lying. Get the truth. The WHOLE truth. Is this woman pregnant? Is she suing him?

He had time to prepare how and when he was going to let you know and to put put all his finances in order. This is a race and he’s ahead.
Pretend you’re doing nothing about it but change all passwords in all your devices. Create another email that he doesn’t know and you’ll use this one in all communications with layers. Email to yourself all documents that you may need (assets, accounts details, deeds, etc)
Good luck.

@DCNO, I have a feeling that he’s already been giving her money.

What baby could already have been born ?

And while he was kissing her, he nobly kept his hands behind his back did he? No such thing as 'just kissing'. Foreplay at minimum. What a lying knob.
Perhaps she is blackmailing him for money.
Check your bank accounts carefully for daytime cash withdrawals or work time lunches/hotels/flowers etc.
Anything else happened that you now realise has a whole new meaning? Unexpected overtime? Weird explanations for changed phone routine?

This

I would bet that he is already helping with her pregnancy expenses, living expenses, etc.