Husband disclosed and affair...where do I go from here?

[DCNO]

Husband admitted to an affair of a few weeks with a coworker, only kisses. Said did not want to lose me/kids but in a matter of hours changed his tune to "I dont know if I have feelings for her and might want to support her financially and see where things go". Today He agreed to end it all with his coworker.
Not sure where to go from here as his mind keeps changing. I am worried and anxious about the future, but determined to be prepared for the worst case scenario. I need your help in putting together a checklist of things to prepare.
Thank you all.

I'm afraid he has a fundamental lack of understanding of the meaning of marriage (or complete disrespect for it).

He appears to think he's in a polygynous situation.

Or else he means after he leaves, but rarely have I ever heard of someone so blatantly and cruelly and casually announcing their likely intention to leave and what they're go to do with/for their affair partner when they do.

Zero chance kisses only. A few kisses to financial support? No. Do not pick me dance. If there is any chance of saving your relationship go hard. Tell him to leave, that you don’t know what YOU want. Right now he sees you as the option.

it is BRUTAL. But you will be fine. Sounds glib but I have been there, and men who do this are usually not the great husband you thought they were. Hold your head high. This is not your fault in any way.

You need to get lawyered up with a shark of a family law/divorce solicitor and you need to do it asap.

The idea that he thinks you're going to sit around waiting on his decision whether to stay in your marriage, weighing up what to do about his affair partner and talking about giving her money ......

He's fucking nuts.

His arrogance and callousness is beyond belief.

I agree. I’m sorry, OP. Please start defending yourself and DC by reading Cw112’s checklist.

men who do this are usually not the great husband you thought they were

This too.

This is bottom dollar, shit tier, useless relationship & marriage material you're dealing with here.

He didn't tell you this for your benefit, he did it because he was pushed

Yeah I think maybe she or someone else was going to tell you.

I agree with other posters. There is a lot more to come so I'd be preparing for that.

What's your home / work situation? He should certainly be out of the family home while he contemplates his future.

He can support her financially but not before he supports his family and after then supporting himself, he may be in for a surprise.

She sounds junior too so could he possibly be putting his job in jeopardy too? Silly silly man.

Please put yourself first and don't allow him to torture you with his indecision. Make decisions for him that work for you.

You're in big trouble OP when you believe the words of a liar.

He's already proved he's lying to you, so why on earth would you believe anything else he tells you.......

Support her financially is she pregnant ?
All sounds like he's panicking sorry op

Don’t believe for one second the ‘only kisses’ bullshit. Not for one second.

And he may want to support her financially??? What the fucking fuck is he on about?!

I’d be telling the disrespectful, cheating, lying cunt to get out of my house and to await to hear from my solicitor.

He will go to her house and he will shack up there.

Yeah I too, think she might be pregnant. Pregnant from ‘only kisses’, it’s a fucking miracle.

I would be concerned she’s said she doesn’t want him and that’s why he’s changed his mind. Work place affairs are even harder to overcome in some ways because they have to keep on seeing each other and you can’t ever be there so you’ll never really trust him or what he’s telling you again.

He’s shown you who he is - so take your time and think very carefully about what you want to happen next.

I'm with everyone else who thinks supporting her financially is weird as fuck. There's definitely more than he's letting on.

One thing to remember that all cheaters do…. They underplay what has happened.

if he says a few kisses, he has had sex with her.

if he is talking about supporting her financially, he is likely already doing this. For example, agreed to pay for a flat for them to move into.

Get shot of him. Take the pain for a few months knowing that you will be happier than staying with a cheat.

Pack his things up, tell him to leave and take the choice away from him
He is lying and there's a lot more to this
Hes made his bed, he can now lay in it

Financially supporting a woman he's had a few kisses with, he must think you were born yesterday
Don't ever listen to another word that comes out of his lying stupid mouth

Why would he need to support her financially? Is she pregnant with his child?

the most likely scenario is that he’s had sex with her and that someone has threatened to tell you

Ask him why he thinks he would be 'losing the kids'. Or does he assume you'll be left with them whilst he dips in and out as he pleases.
Remind him as he'll be solely responsible for them 24/7 half of every week now your relationship is over he won't be losing anything . Kind of shot himself in the foot there hasn't he?

He wants to support someone financially he’s only had a few kisses with!

she’s pregnant.

I agree, men don't often tell you about supporting someone else as a parting shot.

He's undecided because you don't have the full facts.
What does he want, to prepare you to accept financing his love child.

He's hedging his bets, if you can't accept it, he will go to her.

He's shitting himself I bet with the responsibility and he wants you to help him ?

Phone the ow, she may give you the details, take the cockhead out of the discussion.

For him to admit to it, and also sway between her and you, and the odd financial comment, there was definitely more than kissing. I'm so sorry OP.

But you ask for a checklist to prepare so heres mine:

1. Kick him out today. You need time to think without him around. Let him know you are angry - not upset - Angry. And also tell him not to contact you. You will contact him when ready to do so.
2. Prepare yourself for a whole load of other shit to come out.
3. Talk to someone IRL, you are going to need support whatever happens
4. Take half of any savings/money you have jointly and put it into an account in your name only. You do not want him to be 'supporting her financially' using your money.
5. Arrange to see a divorce solicitor
6. Gather any paperwork relating to finances and assets together and makes copies and store them somewhere he won't know about.

As much as you think he might be nice about this, the minute he even thinks you are considering leaving him he will likely turn into not a nice person. And lets face it, he isn't who you thought he was if he was off having an affair anyway.

Where do you go? A lawyer’s office. There’s more he’s not telling you. I’m sorry op.

And get your will changed.

Aside from the possibility of her being pregnant, the other scenario that springs to mind is that she's his direct report and is now threatening him with a sexual harassment case.

Support her financially? Why?? Unless she is pregnant?
Do NOT sit around waiting for him to decide what he wants to do.