Husband disclosed and affair...where do I go from here?

[DCNO]

Husband admitted to an affair of a few weeks with a coworker, only kisses. Said did not want to lose me/kids but in a matter of hours changed his tune to "I dont know if I have feelings for her and might want to support her financially and see where things go". Today He agreed to end it all with his coworker.
Not sure where to go from here as his mind keeps changing. I am worried and anxious about the future, but determined to be prepared for the worst case scenario. I need your help in putting together a checklist of things to prepare.
Thank you all.

Maybe she has been found out by her partner/ husband and thrown her out making her skint. What started out as 2 people having some extra curricular at work has had repercussions?

Support her financially from your marital wallet?! Get rid. I've kissed many men in my life and none of them wanted to support me financially, so I'm gonna say the 'only kisses' and 'few weeks' lines are maybe not entirely true.
Don't let him betray you again, protect yourself and your kids - and your money before he squanders it on a mistress.

What do you do for a living OP? Do you need him financially?
I personally would prepare for the worst. The situation doesn't sound ideal.
I would see a lawyer and prepare for divorce, custody, finances etc.
He will leave - sorry. Either that or he will keep cheating.

You need to decide if you want him or not.

Please OP find your anger.

• That he's willing to tear your family apart by having an affair.

• That he thinks so little of you, has so little respect, that he thinks you'll wait for him to choose. And I bet, that if by any chance he did decide to stay with you, he'd hold it over your head and expect you to be grateful for evermore.

• That he's unilaterally deciding that he'll give away family money.

• That he's lied/is lying to you. A few weeks and only kisses??? Yeah, and the Pope worships a blue cockerel called Henry.

However much it hurts, what you do is tell him your marriage is over and she's welcome to him. And get yourself the best lawyer you can find.

^^Sorry for the spaces, they weren't there when I wrote it.

I'd remind him that he will also be supporting you and his children financially until they turn 18 and that will be seen as the priority by court-and ask
Him if he's sure he can afford it? All whilst helping him pack his bags tbh

Nah, no chance would I put up with this. Why qdoes he want to support her with money? That's weird as hell. Stop letting him make a fool out of you anymore than he has been.

I'm so sorry. How awful for you, such a worrying time. If he's talking about financially supporting her, then there are things you don't yet know - so get busy!

Advice from someone who's been there: Be strong in front of him. Don't let him give you false promises. If you have them, please don't let the children hear you arguing.

I know this sounds grabby but you have to protect the security of you and your children (if you have them), so make sure he isn't squirrelling money away. Don't tell him you're doing this, or he might become furtive, like my ex did.

I was shafted financially, but you can avoid the same fate by closely monitoring all bank accounts, trying to put some away for yourself if possible. He has to support you financially by law, he doesn't get to pick and choose!
Print statements off, make sure you're fully armed with all financial information before you see a solicitor.

As you're married, you will be entitled to a home, whether that's the one you're in (preferable, to keep the kids' equilibrium - again that's if you have them), or another. If you own your home try and avoid him kicking you into rented!!!
Above all, remain cool in front of him, write everything down, prepare to protect yourself. Big hugs.

He's showing you he only cares about what he wants with his flip flopping, etc, and he's likely lied to you about what they've been up to.

Decide what you want. Tell him to go while you're considering what that is. And get good legal advice and make sure you move half of the family money into an account with your name while you do.

Sorry to hear this OP but as multiple people have pointed out already, financial support is not for people you have snogged in error - not if you are single, definitely not if you are married.
I don’t think it’s necessarily “healthy” but I’d have to know what really has been going on.

I'd be wondering if she's pregnant or threatening to tell you everything so he's trying to come up with am explanation for money leaving the account for her.

Sorry OP, but I doubt it was “only kisses” if he’s thinking about supporting her financially.

My first thought would be a full blown sexual affair, sleeping together - she may now be pregnant and keeping the child which is why he would need to financially support her.

I completely understand how confused you must feel. You will be in a state of shock and denial.

If it were me, I couldn’t be with someone who has betrayed me and feels like they want to financially support someone else.

Please confide in someone in person about this and how you feel. Also you need more answers from him. He can’t leave you in limbo toying between wether he wants you or the OW. He sounds incredibly selfish and manipulative.

Find a solicitor tomorrow. Make an appointment for asap.

I know you're not ready, but speaking to someone about your legal situation is going to clear some of the fog you are in. You need to deal in facts, and this will help you do that. It does not mean you must divorce.

Your dh - as all PPs said - is lying to you. Lying about everything. Do not believe anything he tells you. He's lying about sex, he's lying about his motives for telling you, lying about his feelings, lying about how long their affair has been going on.

One post.

As per above, he's definitely lying to you. Nobody financially supports a co-worker they've just kissed a few times. Doesn't she get her own wages?

I'd want to know why she needs financially supporting. My bet is that she's pregnant but if he isn't prepared to admit that then he needs to come up with something.

If he can’t decide; choose for him.

You need to go upstairs, pack his bag and DTB. He's clearly wanting to go but wants you as back up if it doesn't work out. You're worth more than that, don't let him gaslight you into hanging on

Do you have a close friend or family member that you can talk to? You’re going to need support over the next few days/weeks whilst you go through the turmoil of finding out some of the truth although be prepared that you’re unlikely to ever get the full story.

You need to start making plans to go your separate ways. He has broken your relationship and there’s really no going back as much as you might want to. Sorry, but he’s clearly lying to you and telling you the bare minimum he thinks he can away with at the moment.

It’s all in The Script. It’s like breathing, these men just seem to instinctively follow the same patterns of behaviour and spout the same lines of bulkshit.

Whatever you do, do not feel sorry for him. He’s fucked this up entirely by himself. You haven’t done anything wrong although at some point he’ll try to pin the blame on you for the reason he strayed. They ALL do this and it’s total bollocks.

Honestly? From where you stand I think the worst case scenario is him deciding he wants to stay with you. If he does that, and you let him, you'll have a husband who's fallen for someone else, who isn't certain of his feelings, who may drop you for the OW at any point in the future, who you'll likely never trust again. You're his wife! You're meant to be his number one relationship, not an option. Not someone to be weighed up and compared with a woman from work.

If they only kissed a few times then why is he considering putting a bomb under his marriage for her? Either he's lying, or he thinks very little of his marriage.

I wouldn't let him hang around dithering over whether to bestow you with his wondrous presence - I'd remind him he's already made the decision and see a solicitor. If he came running back tomorrow with bunch of flowers and promises of never-ending love, would you believe him??

PS the 'financially supporting' - sounds like she is pregnant. I can't think of any other reason to financially support a work colleague.

Keep calm, get your ducks in a row. Don't do or say anything rash. What is your financial position? Think about it carefully, it is easy to be blinded by rage at this point.

Said did not want to lose me/kids but in a matter of hours changed his tune to "I dont know if I have feelings for her and might want to support her financially and see where things go".

It is only you he thinks is both a door mat and idiot, or is at all women?

He actually thought you'd wait like an obedient, dumb spaniel for him to decide between you and a woman he's been having an affair with from work......

... and that you wouldn't question why he'd feel the need or inclination to support her (a woman he says he's only had an emotional affair and exchanged some kisses with) financially?

This is mind boggling.

Nor that you would object to him using you family fkg money to support anyone else outside your family, let alone an affair partner?

As many posters have said, consult a solicitor asap but in my opinion id do it before you kick him out.
Take photocopies of anything that relates to him financially, ie savings account, shares, pensions, salary etc if you have a joint account have you got access i.e he's not taking money out of it to spend on someone else etc
Think about securing yours/ your children's financial future, given he's thinking about supporting his bit on the side financially

he's a liar. you don't financially support someone you've only kissed and are planning to break up with. OW has had a pregnancy scare.

I agree with the posters who said she's either pregnant (and I'm interested in how he's going square that with the "only kissed" story.

Or he's being blackmailed; is due his subordinate? Could he lose his job if the affair is exposed?

Can't think what else.