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Relationships

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Original poster

Find my partner repulsive !!

115 replies

Jennastar · 30/10/2022 08:13

Help! I have been with my partner for 8 years and for the last 3 years I have started to find him repulsive. He has gained a lot of weight, which as he is short makes him look awful, has some horrible habits like clearing his throat, spending ages on the toilet stinking the house out, always has to be right in all situations and his selfishness has become a complete joke. He puts himself before the kids, he also always uses the word geezer, Just to think of him makes my skin crawl.
I have tried talking to him countless times about his habits, encouraging him to eat a little less etc but he says it’s his life.
Bottom line is I am stuck. I feel I can’t leave because my ds age 6 would be inconsolable although a mummys boy he has separation issues and anxiety and never likes to be apart from me.
we have a beautiful new home. Without him I would not even have enough for a small flat. My childrens lifestyle would change. I could never give them what they have been used to.
Do I stay living like this or do something drastic……..

OP posts:

AgentProvocateur · 30/10/2022 08:16

So you basically hate him and are just staying for the money? It’s really unfair on your husband if you stay with him when you feel like that.

Dozycuntlaters · 30/10/2022 08:20

You're not stuck, you need to leave. Don't use your kids as an excuse, if you can't stand him and he makes your skin crawl there's no way back from that. Just leave him, your kids will be fine!!

Original poster

Jennastar · 30/10/2022 08:21

I have never married him I would not marry him being unsure in the past def not now. I don’t hate him I just find him repulsive.
He refuses To change. Yes I am here for the house not his money as I earn my own and mortgage is joint just could not afford to run house alone.
If I had no children I would have moved out ages ago.

OP posts:

hamstersarse · 30/10/2022 08:22

I’m repulsed just reading your post.

The toilet thing sends me under. I’ve no idea why people think it’s normal to have such toxic shits, when it’s actually a reflection of how unhealthy you are. Eewwwww.

However, I do think you are right in your instinct that a break up is not a good thing for children (I’m divorced so know the potential impact). Yet, what you do is difficult….I wonder if marriage counselling is an option?

Original poster

Jennastar · 30/10/2022 08:22

Sometimes I think this is the words I need to hear! @Dozycuntlaters I love your username 🤣

OP posts:

Original poster

Jennastar · 30/10/2022 08:24

@hamstersarse thank you for understanding. I am in such a rut. I really don’t think counselling would work as for me it’s completely gone. X

OP posts:

hamstersarse · 30/10/2022 08:28

If it’s completely gone, then you do have to take the hit in the house and try and extract yourself amicably.

Amicably can get very challenging but this is truly where you must dig deep and remember the impact on the children.

counselling could help you at least separate amicably

Floogal · 30/10/2022 08:39

Have you considered that he probably feels the same about you? Are you beautiful and athletic? Does your shit smell like roses? Sick of these one sided threads

Isthisexpected · 30/10/2022 08:41

What an odd reply Floogal. It isn't true that both people have repulsive habits just because one does. It all sounds gross but I think the thing that makes it worse is when you speak to a partner and say how you feel and they essentially don't care. There's no way forward then.

CaronPoivre · 30/10/2022 08:42

He deserves better. Leave him.

RandomMusings7 · 30/10/2022 08:45

Well aren't the men and the pick-mes out in swing on this one... such pathetic responses attacking OP :(

JOFFCV · 30/10/2022 08:46

Floogal · 30/10/2022 08:39

Have you considered that he probably feels the same about you? Are you beautiful and athletic? Does your shit smell like roses? Sick of these one sided threads

He vould open a window, use air freshener, eat healthier.

JOFFCV · 30/10/2022 08:48

He sounds very unattractive and I couldn't live with him.

oviraptor21 · 30/10/2022 08:49

Better to sort this now than later.
Be brave OP. Your DS is at a better age now than he will be in a few years time.

Mummysgogetter · 30/10/2022 08:49

Do you love him at all @Jennastar ?

OctopusBreath · 30/10/2022 08:51

The having to be right in all situations and the selfishness would annoy me. But tbh, the fact that you're repulsed by someone for putting on weight, clearing their throat and having poo that stinks says so much about you, and none of it good. All poo smells. You shouldn't shame anyone for it.
I think he deserves someone who can cope with basic human bodily functions without being cruel about them.

Meowsaidthecat · 30/10/2022 08:53

Every time he uses the word "geezer" I would reply "are you stuck in the 2000s who uses that word anymore?"

However are you sure he even loves you too? You sound very gold digger ish.

SittingCat · 30/10/2022 08:56

Are you the same weight you were when you got married and had a child? If no, then criticising him for his weight gain smacks of double standards. If yes, then you absolutely need to tell him that his lifestyle and habits need to change or you will leave.

Are you willing to accept a lower standard of living in return for him having a healthier lifestyle? High incomes often come with high stress, which usually leads to poor choices being made around diet.

Sorting out those two seem fairly factual and 'easy' to me. The selfishness is much more a question of degree and may be harder. Defaulting to 'leave him' is a poor way out, not only morally, but also factually in your current circumstances since you aren't married.

Original poster

Jennastar · 30/10/2022 09:00

@Meowsaidthecat i have tried saying everything to deter that word but the more I comment the more he says it and thinks it’s funny.

in response to your comment about me being a “supposed gold digger” not sure where you have made that assumption. Like I say I earn all my own money but could not afford the house we live in alone? That’s why we have a joint mortgage. How does that make me a gold digger. ?

OP posts:

DosCervezas · 30/10/2022 09:03

Three years is a long time to be with a person you find repulsive. How have you managed to get this far? At least he wasn't too bad for 5 years! Kids are often more resilient and adaptive than we give them credit for , so staying around for the child isn't always best for them.

You might need to stand on your own for a while, but who knows, another geezer (!) might come along who's shit doesn't stink and bring a bit more positivity into your life.

Iwanttoslowdown · 30/10/2022 09:06

Actually if he won’t listen then what he is doing is disrespectful. Lighting a match after ablutions is respecting the house, acting in a way that doesn’t negatively impact on others is basis household respect.

He is actively disrespecting you and your family life - why would someone do that?

May I ask regarding the weight loss if he’s messy/unkempt with it?

FWIW I couldn’t stay - can you get a lodger to cover the bills if he were to move out?

Original poster

Jennastar · 30/10/2022 09:07

Hi @Floogal thanks for popping by. I guess my appearance has nothing to do with it. If you must know I am 8 stone but this is not a weight thing. Yes I commented on his weight but he has gained 4 stone through eating junk and not exercising plus all the beer he consumes. His weight is not the main issue believe me and I have no judgment on peoples weight it’s just what I choose to find attractive for such a short man.
I know how to open a window, use air freshener and don’t need to spend 45 minutes sitting there after I’ve been to the toilet on my phone.
If you don’t like one sided threads mumsnet may not be the place for you to land your broomstick !! Maybe find a thread that reads our experience of relationships.
Fly off now dearest …

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Original poster

Jennastar · 30/10/2022 09:07

Clearly you have not read my posts

OP posts:

Original poster

Jennastar · 30/10/2022 09:08

@Isthisexpected thank you x

OP posts:

Original poster

Jennastar · 30/10/2022 09:09

I am not entirely sure very good question that I need to work out x

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