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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just had a phone call from the police after my ex reported me, wtf?!

59 replies

Lucia9513 · 29/10/2022 20:04

Hi!
Please read my previous post for more context so I’m not repeating myself too much!

Basically I was really hurt by my ex leaving me back in August, and after we broke up he told me never to contact him or he’d report it to the police as harassment. This was completely unprovoked and quite shocking to me. Mn’ers and others close to me told me he probably had an other woman and was saying this so that I would keep my distance.

He then messaged me a couple of weeks ago asking how I was, and stupidly I text back and we were talking and getting on for a couple of weeks. That was until I told him how hurt I still am about the way I was treated by him - his response was to immediately block me. I called him from a withheld number, which I know I shouldn’t have done, but I was upset and all I did was ask him why he’d blocked me and what the deal was. In response, once again he told me not to contact him or he’ll call the police. Of course, I did not contact him again and don’t intend to ever again. This happened on Monday.

I’ve just now received a phone call from the police to tell me that my ex called them on Monday night, he told them I was making him anxious and he felt harassed by my call as he had blocked me already. The police officer told me not to contact him again, which is fine lol. I already haven’t contacted him again.

My question to everyone is, what is wrong with some men? What did I do to deserve this 😶 do you think he has some mental issues? Do you think it’s a control thing? I am just so confused and hurt and blindsided

OP posts:
littlebirdieblu · 29/10/2022 20:47

They did text you and they do ring you, speaking from recent experience. So I would say that it was probably genuine.

SpookyPanda · 29/10/2022 20:49

Lucia9513 · 29/10/2022 20:33

On the text they said their pc number and surname, do you think I should call and check they’re genuine?

I'd call 101 to check don't call the number they used to call you. If not genuine report them for impersonating a police officer.

Pieceofpurplesky · 29/10/2022 20:49

Check it's genuine and if not report him

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 29/10/2022 20:49

Imo he has a new gf. He needs to paint you as the nutter...

SpookyPanda · 29/10/2022 20:50

To be honest though you're not going to call him again so don't worry about it

popcornfrenzy · 29/10/2022 20:51

The police do phone you from mobiles - after a domestic violence incident with an ex the copper left me his number.

CheekyHobson · 29/10/2022 20:53

My question to everyone is, what is wrong with some men? What did I do to deserve this 😶 do you think he has some mental issues? Do you think it’s a control thing? I am just so confused and hurt and blindsided

In order:

  • All sorts of different things can be wrong with men who behave badly/weirdly, so it's impossible to say specifically what's wrong with your ex without more information
  • You didn't do anything to deserve this unless you absolutely lost it when he broke up with you and harassed him by phone or in person, but from your previous post it doesn't seem like that's the case
  • If there's no obvious explanation for his actions, like you behaving aggressively or harassing him, then yes, the most likely cause is that he has hidden psychological issues (like narcissism) or is hiding another relationship
  • It's always a control thing when someone behaves in a way that's hard to understand, unpredictable, hostile, defensive, stand-offish or is confusingly vague/gives mixed messages. If you've behaved very poorly yourself, then they will be behaving that way because they're genuinely scared of you and they're trying to control/restrict your access to them. If when you step back and take an objective look at your own behaviour, you know you haven't actually done anything to cause him to be genuinely scared of you, then you can be assured that the issues are entirely on his side. Given that he told you never to contact him again, you didn't, and then he came back acting all sweet before turning on you again when it was obvious you weren't just going to pretend the past didn't happen, it's safe to say that he was never genuinely scared of you, and he just wanted to test the waters to see if you'd take him back no questions asked.
HumptyNumpty76 · 29/10/2022 20:57

They definitely don't text and definitely don't give you their mobile number to call them back.

@Paintbynumber They can and do text. I had an issue with family members making false allegations about me a few years back. I wasn't home when the police turned up at my house so they left a message with my DH. Took me a few days to track the officer down and when I did, she sent me a text message from a mobile then arranged, by text, to come and speak with me.

Cocolatte24 · 29/10/2022 21:02

I’d definitely follow up and check it out. Impersonating an officer is a crime so you can flip this around quite well if it’s a prank

ipreferthecat · 29/10/2022 21:05

@Paintbynumber

Why are you commenting on something you know nothing about

Op police do call and they do have work mobile numbers they give out

Paintbynumber · 29/10/2022 21:08

ipreferthecat · 29/10/2022 21:05

@Paintbynumber

Why are you commenting on something you know nothing about

Op police do call and they do have work mobile numbers they give out

You're very rude.

I did acknowledge that it was obviously different in the UK and the police do give their mobile number to everyone. I also said that you wouldn't get the Gardai here giving someone who committed a crime their mobile number.

sparechange · 29/10/2022 21:13

Years ago, I had a call from the police to warn me that my ex had reported me for trespassing and harassment, because I had let myself into the house we both owned and were trying to sell, but I had already moved out of, to show an estate agent around

The policeman laid it on thick about how my behaviour was unacceptable and criminal, and next time I would be in biiiig trouble etc etc
By absolute coincidence, when he called, I was having lunch with a family member who is also a policeman, and basically gave him both barrels, starting with the fact trespass isn’t a criminal offence

I obviously didn’t hear from the police again but I can totally believe that a policeman would take a report from your ex on face value and not apply the smallest amount of common sense before calling you to tick and box and complete the paperwork at their end

YoSofi · 29/10/2022 21:18

Paintbynumber · 29/10/2022 20:27

Yeah I think you were had..

They definitely don't text and definitely don't give you their mobile number to call them back.

Why didn't you phone the station?

Show quote history

Yes they do.

I reported a crime through 101 last week, then got a text including the name of the PC dealing with the report and a mobile number to contact him on.

BlooberryBiskits · 29/10/2022 21:19

Lucia9513 · 29/10/2022 20:33

On the text they said their pc number and surname, do you think I should call and check they’re genuine?

Yes: call 101 and verify. If not your ex has got someone to impersonate police which is surely an offence

I’ve had police call me several times re a case (a stranger assaulted me): always withheld number and was given only station number if I wanted to contact them : this was 2019-2021

Allthegoodusernamesareused · 29/10/2022 21:26

I have professional knowledge here: police do text, and they do give out work mobile numbers to call back on. You can call 101 to verify their identity if you're concerned.

For an offence of harassment to be made out, you have to know that the contract is unwanted (which obviously you did, as you were blocked) but there needs to be two instances. In all likelihood, a non crime domestic incident has been recorded, and your ex asked for you to be warned not to make further contact. Likely because he's a controlling dick and wants you to feel like he has the power here.

Block him and move on. Don't give him another moment of your time or ounce of your energy.

Redglitter · 29/10/2022 21:29

They definitely don't text and definitely don't give you their mobile number to call them back

They do both. We have a text system in place now to text people with a short message. Officers handsets have mobile phone numbers so both things are totally plausible

Original poster
Lucia9513 · 29/10/2022 21:35

Just for my own piece of mind I called 101 to confirm the police badge number and name I was given and it was legit. They said they’ve closed the log after I was spoken to earlier. I am just so hurt from the madness of it all now tbh!!

OP posts:
Artygirlghost · 29/10/2022 21:40

I would suggest turning the tables on him: go to the police station, show them the texts your ex sent you and state that he is the one who initiated a conversation and that he was happy to speak to you for two weeks and probably started the whole thing on purpose so he could use it to get you in trouble with the law and that you want the police to speak to him and tell him not to contact you again.

It might also turn out that the call wasn't genuine at all and the police will follow this up with him (impersonating a police officer will get him into trouble).

Little shits like him should not get away with that type of behaviour.

Itisbetter · 29/10/2022 21:49

Just don’t talk to him again.

Meanderingpuppy · 29/10/2022 22:49

He sounds controlling and possibly abusive. I would of course advise that you need to move on and stop thinking about him. If he contacts you again please don't engage with him. In my experience it is harder to get over manipulative partners because of the emotional.abuse and mixed messages, but once you are over him you will be able to look back and see things more clearly

HairyKitty · 29/10/2022 22:59

I would bet 100% that if an ex husband made a single non-abusive phone call to his ex after she blocked him, there’s no way the police would be ringing him to tell him to stop harassing her!

Womencanlift · 29/10/2022 23:01

You are never going to get the response you want from him. He will likely repeat this getting in touch and then ghosting you more times if you let him. Definitely his way to control you

Stand up for yourself, realise and accept that you won’t get the closure you think you need and move on. Best thing you can do to get back at him is to live a good life. Don’t waste any more time on him

Pixiedust1234 · 29/10/2022 23:01

Hes playing mind games. Now you know. Never ever engage with him again no matter how nice he becomes during that time.

Block and move on

HashtagShitShop · 29/10/2022 23:31

Lucia9513 · 29/10/2022 20:26

@User38899953 it was a mobile number :/

To be fair I do have the telephone number (mobile) of my local neighbourhood pc after having to contact the police about my ex neighbours bully of a boyfriend.

Doesn't mean it wasn't them. If you have his number, call in to the station or telephone the station and ask if a pc by such and such a name works there and if he can call you back if not available there and then. Explain you want to make sure that they did call and it's not your controlling ex trying to play mind games. It's illegal to impersonate a police officer after all

Felix125 · 31/10/2022 13:39

As a cop we do phone people on occasions for things like this.
If it works, its a quick fix to an incident - if the person on the other end of the phone doubts I'm a cop - no problem and i can call round.

When you take into account the other jobs we have and lack of police vehicles for us, its the only way to do it sometimes rather than the case dragging on.

We have business cards now we give out at incidents which have our contact details on - and yes, we get numerous abusive calls & death threats from people who have our mobile numbers now.