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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Help - have done something terrible...

128 replies

whydididoit · 28/01/2008 13:57

Please don't judge me - I am in a loving and happy marriage with children in fact ttc another one...Yesterday got very drunk and had huge argument with dh...don't really remember it and stormed off - ended up going into a pub...vague memory and chatting to two men...they bought me a drink and then don;t remember leaving but vaguely remmeber having s*x with one of them, was found at 1am walking along - god knows where and the police bought me home - dh wants to know what happened but really I don't actually know - feel dreadful, know I did - can I put it behind me - feel so stupid at getting so drunk and in such a state which very rarely happens...what was I thinking please help me as feel awful...can't believe this happened to me!!! in some ways I am lucky to have got home as had no idea what I was doing..

OP posts:

scorpio1 · 28/01/2008 13:58

you either write it off as a bad mistake or tel him and be prepared.

you obviously feel bad enough already.

Maybe next time you have an arguement drive somewhere so you wont drink or see a friend?

warthog · 28/01/2008 13:59

sorry to say this, but is it possible your drink was spiked?

TurkeyLurkey · 28/01/2008 14:00

Oh dear. Yes that's terrible. First you need to make sure you are ok re risk of pregnancy and any diseases? Did you use a condom do you know?

YouKnowNothingOfTheCrunch · 28/01/2008 14:01

I'm with Warthog - do you normally have such sketchy memory after drinking?

Iklboo · 28/01/2008 14:01

Think there's a chance your drink might have been spiked. Do you know if sex was unprotected or not? Fingers very very tightly crossed it was. You're extremely lucky you aren't in a worse physical state.
You only have two choices - keep schtum or own up

Original poster

whydididoit · 28/01/2008 14:01

my dh asked if drink had been spiked as I had no idea where I had been - just a few flashbacks....but I was flirting with the guy... just want to forget what happened and wake up tomorrow ok. I was stupid enough to go into a pub in the first place - would never have done that !!!

OP posts:

pooka · 28/01/2008 14:02

Agree with warthog re: drink spiking. What did the police say? This sounds awful for you. Absolutely terrible.

pooka · 28/01/2008 14:03

Even if you were flirting, if you had your drink spiked or were paralytic you weren't exactly in a position to consent. Sorry.

TurkeyLurkey · 28/01/2008 14:03

Can you remember the sex..were you a willing participant?

If so, I agree, either confess all or try and pretend it never happenned and move on.

hertsnessex · 28/01/2008 14:04

i think unless your prone to blacking out then i think you need to get some blood tests done to see if they spiked your drink.

FioFio · 28/01/2008 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ELF1981 · 28/01/2008 14:04

could you have had your drink spiked though?

Do you remember using protection with this bloke - if you are ttc I imagine you are not on the pill?

scorpio1 · 28/01/2008 14:04

and if you're not sure 100% about condom use you need to go docs asap, what will happen if you get pg? if you are ttc then you are obviously not on the pill or anything....also risk of potential diseases to the baby you are ttc.

try not to beat yourself up.

pooka · 28/01/2008 14:04

Am concerned, would it be worth having a bloodtest via the police to see whether your drink was spiked, if that is possilbe.

Original poster

whydididoit · 28/01/2008 14:04

police just took me home as I think I was crying I just wanted to get home - and I said I was fine , was too embarrassed to even think what I was doing last night or wheere I was..can not comprehend what I did or why

OP posts:

Carmenere · 28/01/2008 14:04

It is not your fault if someone took advantage of you and particularly if your drink was spiked. Yes you have a responsibility to keep yourself safe but what kind of a toerag would have sex with a woman who was so drunk she didn't know where she was?

thelittleElf · 28/01/2008 14:05

I hate to be the one to say it, but i think you should seriously consider some emergency contraception. Is there any chance you could already be pregnant by your husband? If not i think you should think about this.
Sorry if this adds to your woes.

YouKnowNothingOfTheCrunch · 28/01/2008 14:05

Get to docs for blood test and morning after pill. It's all confidential.

Something sounds very wrong in all this.

Original poster

whydididoit · 28/01/2008 14:06

I feel like a dear deirdre - what a nightmare!!

OP posts:

GooseyLoosey · 28/01/2008 14:06

My first thought was the same as Warthog's.

On a practical level do as Turkey Lurkey suggests.

In terms of what to tell dh, depends on you and him, but IMO honesty is not always the best policy. If you can live with the secrecy and can come up with something plausible to tell him, I would be tempted not to tell the truth, but then I know with certainty that my dh could not live with the truth and that it would eat at him forever.

scorpio1 · 28/01/2008 14:06

agree with man and you being drunk -some men dont think twice about it do they?

is your dh likely to go mad or even leave you? only you know really what is best, if you could keep it a secret.

hertsnessex · 28/01/2008 14:06

what if you are preg now..........and its not dh's............i think if this is a possibility you must get morning after pill and get to drs asap.

Original poster

whydididoit · 28/01/2008 14:06

haven't had sex with dh since period last week so know there is no possibility..may go to docs anyway

OP posts:

hertsnessex · 28/01/2008 14:07

please go and get some help - they may have cctv and be able to get this guy if your drink was spiked.......

pooka · 28/01/2008 14:07

Fiofio, am not sure that if you are paralytically drunk you can be in a fit state to willingly consent to sex. The fact that the OP only have vague flashback like recollections sounds to me like she was so far gone that consent could not be given. Obviously if she was hideously drunk rather than drugged, then if she hadn't had the drink it wouldn't have happened. But to suggest that it's her fault seems rather lacking in sympathy to me.

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