I told him this morning that I think we should split up. Did I do the right thing?

[BrandNewWoodenFloors]

At the moment, he is being forced to choose between his friends who really don't like me anymore and me.

All I can see is that, going forward, either they will be making constant choices about whether to invite him to things either with me (as I'm his girlfriend) despite not wanting me there and comprehensively ignoring me, or worse, if I am or without me (as they'd prefer). And he will he making constant choices about whether to go (knowing why I'm not invited when everyone else there is part of a couple and i previously have been included) or whether to be loyal to me.

I'm not speculating about the ignoring or worse. It's already happened on two occasions. There's a bit of 'divide and conquer' going on and testing his loyalties which is unpleasant for both of us. More me than him because I'm the one directly impacted but it will impact on him when he continues to not be invited to things.

He didn't have an answer.

He knows I'm right. He's gone out now to do some stuff for his mum. All he had was, "I don't want to break up with you. I love you," but not a solution to the issue. Because he also knows that splitting up is the solution.

Splitting up isn't what either of us wants but he's already been excluded from a few things he'd otherwise have been invited to and i previously would have been too. I can't see a solution. If he goes without me, I will feel that he has chosen them. One of them actively tried to sabotage the relationship and she will always be part of it. If he chooses not to go, then everyone will know why and I'll be based for stopping him seeing his friends. And I dont want him to have to make that choice. I don't want the negative emotions surrounding it. I don't want the lack of peace and I don't want the drama. For me, him or the decent ones in the group tbh.

Being with me is potentially going to damage some very longstanding friendships and the relationship in the process anyway.

I think we need to split up and then he can continue to have the uncomplicated friendships and social life he previously enjoyed. And we can both avoid drama and unpleasantness.

I've done the right thing haven't I?

Surely this will only happen again with any subsequent girlfriend?

However, I think I would be losing respect for any one that couldn't extricate themselves from such a ridiculous situation

Wow.

Don't we read things differently?

I see a very distressed poster, sad about losing the man she loves and suffering unnecessary spite and bullying from people she once thought of as friends and you see her as the cause of the spite and bullying.

😂😂😂😂😂

Thank you @Alcemeg , likewise🙏.

@Nanny0gg hear hear.

YANBU

Wow this is difficult. The one certain thing I agree with is your decision to not offer ultimatums, it only ends badly.

That said, this is BF's opportunity to show his true feelings for you. A man in love should do things that are outside of his comfort zone. In this case confront a major obstacle to your relationship.

It sounds like you have an instigator in this group. Maybe she enjoys the drama, maybe she sees you as competition, or maybe she prefers your BF to be with someone else. Standing up for yourself makes you a threat to her dominance. Regardless, you did the right thing. I suspect the only alternative to breaking up is to engage with and beat this woman at her own game.

Good luck.