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Original poster

Ladies, do you think guys watching any kind of porn is a red flag?

106 replies

Blondieturtle · 25/10/2022 10:13

I'm starting to wonder if guys watching porn is a red flag completely. This idea is getting more and more popular among women, and for those of you who have been with men who don't watch it at all, is there a noticeable difference in how they treat you as compared to other men?
There are just so many videos out there that condone abuse and pedo like tendencies and I feel like it's highly unlikely that a guy who watches it hasn't gotten off on these kinds of videos. Words like young, teen, forced, rough, ect. in the tilte of videos are so common I feel. Plus I think it's extremely easy and common for guys to be obsessed with it. My ex 24 bf had a reddit account dedicated to porn and tons of vids and photos saved on his phone and laptop and it made me feel so icky! I had watched porn in the past but it was always a get in and get out thing, having anything saved just feels gross.
Ladies, Is it worth it to find a guy who never watches it or do you think it's possible for men to have a healthy relationship with it?

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 25/10/2022 10:22

It depends on your definition of 'healthy relationship with it'. This is so nuanced, there can't be a blanket rule. I'm sure many will post with their own opinion, and state it to be a fact, because many people feel strongly about it, but many also don't mind their partners using porn, and are usually not so vociferous because they have a more 'whatever' attitude about it.

It's a matter of opinion. If you don't want a relationship with a man who uses porn, don't have one. It's not a generic question of 'Is it worth it?', it's a matter of what you, personally, are comfortable with accepting in your relationship, how you prioritise it, and how strong your boundaries are.

BiggerBoat1 · 25/10/2022 10:22

I don't have a problem with a man watching porn as long as he is bright enough to understand that real sex isn't, and shouldn't be, anything like what he's watching. The men in my life have all enjoyed watching porn occasionally and all been decent, loving and well-adjusted men.
Maybe your ex bf was just a bit of a dick.

Saltywalruss · 25/10/2022 10:25

Are you a man?

Anyway, no I don't think anyone should be watching porn

Original poster
Blondieturtle · 25/10/2022 10:33

@Saltywalruss I'm not sure what makes you think that.

OP posts:
desperatehousewife21 · 25/10/2022 10:34

I don’t really see the need for porn in a relationship unless you enjoy watching it together to ‘get in the mood’?

DH and I have regular sex (twice a week on avg) and unless feeling particularly horny and sex isn’t an option (kids about/ one of us at work) but even then don’t think porn is absolutely necessary, like I can get off without it and so can DH! Even when I’m out of action on my period and DH is horny I’ll give him a handjob.

Peggle2507 · 25/10/2022 10:35

I don't mind if my partner watches porn, as long as we have a happy relationship and sex life. If it starts affecting the relationship or he was into something illegal then that's different. But lots of people watch porn, including women, doesn't mean there's anything wrong in that just because it's not your personal preference.

JorisBonson · 25/10/2022 10:38

If he's using it solely to masturbate and not bringing it into the bedroom, I have no issue.

Fushiadreams · 25/10/2022 10:41

No issue my side either, yes if it was something extreme or weird, but bog standard porn, couldn’t get worked up about it

ComtesseDeSpair · 25/10/2022 11:34

Depends on the type. We have several friends who make amateur porn and watching ordinary people with attractive but ordinary bodies who are genuinely enjoying having sex with each other is a world away from the studio-made commercial airbrushed stuff based in no kind of reality whatsoever. I don’t have a problem with the former type. However, if you do, then that’s your prerogative and boundary and you don’t have to adapt it for anyone else.

Artygirlghost · 25/10/2022 11:41

It is a red flag for me now.

I used to be a bit more ''liberal'' until I read more about the porn industry and I saw the effect porn consumption had on men when I was online dating.

I am also concerned that teenagers and young men get so much of their 'sex education' from watching porn and how it affects the way they view women and relationships.

I think women have gaslighted into thinking porn is harmless and that if you don't agree with this you are a ''prude''.

So I have re-established my boundaries and porn use is an absolute red flag for me.

In the end porn is an industry and the goal is to make money and keep consumers addicted and glued to their mobile or laptop screen. It is not about to making people's sex lives better with a real life partner.

Newusernameaug · 25/10/2022 11:42

Yes.
For me, any man who watches porn is a red flag, if he was actively working on himself, aware it wasn’t great and wanted to quit it then fine, but if he was oblivious to how detrimental and harmful it is, then no, I wouldn’t even date him.

Artygirlghost · 25/10/2022 11:43

@ComtesseDeSpair
''Depends on the type. We have several friends who make amateur porn and watching ordinary people with attractive but ordinary bodies who are genuinely enjoying having sex with each other is a world away from the studio-made commercial airbrushed stuff based in no kind of reality whatsoever.''

I think this is really naive.

A lot of this ''amateur'' porn will be stuff shared without the woman's agreement/awareness or will simply be professionals pretending to be ''amateurs''.

FuckabethFuckor · 25/10/2022 11:44

It's a personal prerogative thing. If it's a red flag for you, it's a red flag for you. No one else's flag arrangements matter, really.

catneedsfeeding · 25/10/2022 11:47

Nowadays, yes it's a red flag. In the sense that there's too much extreme stuff to be seen. Once they've seen it they can never unsee it.
In the old days, when porn involved porn actors doing PIV and oral, there's no red flags there. Just 'normal' stuff.

User135644 · 25/10/2022 11:50

It's no different to women wetting themselves to 50 shades or other graphic novels. Female erotica is a major seller of literature.

Millions of women also watch porn.

User135644 · 25/10/2022 11:52

Shows like Sex Life on Netflix are also basically porn. Sex and porn are everywhere for men and women.

Watchkeys · 25/10/2022 11:54

Porn and erotica aren't the same thing, and vary hugely in some very important ways, @User135644

Do you know the difference, and if so, can you tell us what you think the difference is? You seem to think they're the same.

Ringmaster27 · 25/10/2022 11:56

I have no problem with anyone watching porn, simply as a visual aid - masturbation is normal, healthy and majority of people do it. I don’t have any problem with a partner of mine having some “me time” and watching porn, as long as it’s not being used as a substitute for a healthy sex life.
The particular brand of porn they are watching is something I can get infuriated about. Everyone knows porn isn’t a depiction of what real sex is…but there is so much problematic content out there, catering to those who toe the line very finely with what’s legal and what’s not, and some of it makes me feel sick. For example: if I found a partner of mine was watching porn depicting very very young females, primped to look like teenage girls, I would be disgusted beyond belief and it’s not something I could tolerate.

TastesLikeFlavourlessFizz · 25/10/2022 11:58

No.

notmyrealmoniker · 25/10/2022 12:00

I think single men watching vanilla porn wouldn't be an issue but anything more would be a no for me. In a relationship it has to be mutually agreed and I don't like men who watch porn compulsively as my ex did

Unseelie · 25/10/2022 12:03

User135644 · 25/10/2022 11:50

It's no different to women wetting themselves to 50 shades or other graphic novels. Female erotica is a major seller of literature.

Millions of women also watch porn.

Erotica makes money for authors (often sahms struggling to support children btw) using words.

Porn makes money for male producers by exploiting porn actresses some of whom have given public statements saying that it’s become usual for them get injured through violent on screen ‘sex’. The actresses being humiliated exploited and smacked around on screen are always from poor backgrounds and often victims of childhood sexual abuse.

Not the same as reading a book is it.

Artygirlghost · 25/10/2022 12:11

''User135644 · Today 11:50
It's no different to women wetting themselves to 50 shades or other graphic novels. Female erotica is a major seller of literature.

Millions of women also watch porn.''

Here we go ladies...the expected porn-defending, likely to be male, poster has landed.

gogohmm · 25/10/2022 12:19

Personally I have a general problem with porn, for human rights, abuse, trafficking and addiction reasons (both professional and amateur can be implicated) but not to the point of extremes. I do realise that not all porn is tarnished in these ways, female producers, actors who want to be in the productions, but it's not possible to distinguish which is which, anyway it does nothing to me. Dp is not interested either (unlike exh), he was amazed I put up with exh's antics

Babasghost · 25/10/2022 12:24

Yes it's a big red flag.

Have you seen por lately.
A man who gets excited by the torture and humiliation of women is a danger to you.

ApplesinmyPocket · 25/10/2022 12:30

"It's no different to women wetting themselves to 50 shades" oh dear god I wish this book had never been written. Find me an ACTUAL woman (you can't ) who 'wets herself to 50 shades' It was well publicised and millions bought it but now it's on every charity shop shelf for miles.

Sadly it is also seized on by men who want to prove 'women do it too' and cite it over and over in these threads.