DH always magically ill when I am ill

[InHazelnut]

Does anyone else have a DH who does this?

Actually you can replace “ill” with just “struggling in any way”. Yesterday it was stress - rushed off my feet at work, arduous commute, terrible evening with the kids crying and waking me. I told him I felt at breaking point as I just didn’t get to relax. He was sympathetic. But suddenly he has a “cold coming on” and feels dreadful, thus needed to sit on his phone all evening while I do everything, kids dinner bath bed etc. Not a drop of snot or a sneeze to be seen.

I’m actually rarely physically ill, but I can’t think of a single time I’ve been ill without him also being ill at the same time. What’s the psychology behind it? I’m sat here this evening wondering if I should have kept my stress level secret because then he probably wouldn’t have discovered his own illness and I may have incidentally got more help. I’m sure that’s mean of me to think.

He is fantastic in other ways so no LTB please. Just want reassurances I’m not the only one to experience this! Does anyone else have a “you’ve got a migraine? Well I’ve got two migraines” partner?

My mother was always mysteriously ill when she didn't want to do something that dad had planned. Your could set your watch by it. Didn't matter how much it meant to dad or the money wasted.

Sadly dad would make excuses for her and be guilted into looking after her. Close friends and family could see the pattern and we tried to get him to just leave mum at home and go anyway but it rarely happened. So saf

So sad

This is not health anxiety. I think it’s either shirking or narcissism where he can’t stand you getting any attention or special help because it’s all about him! I suspect it’s a bit of both!

My ex used to do this.
He used to panic like I was a domestic appliance that had broken down that needed to be back up and running asap. He even did it after I had a c section and infection.
He cried wolf too many times, tried to get me to come home when I was at a work event to look after the kids with his usual shenanigans, I refused and then he ended up hospitalised with quinsy.

I would speak with your DH, even though it seems like a small issue to you, at some point this will fester and erode your respect for him and that’s only a downward slope to contempt. And really nip the super woman bullshit in the bud.

My exh was like this. If I was ill and needed a hand he was suddenly really busy or starting to feel ill himself. It also happened on my birthday, on Mother's Day and at Xmas. I'm not sure what the technical term for it is but it certainly caused resentment over the years as I could never count on him for any form of support if I was struggling.

I had this with exDP. Last year I had Covid and was at home with both DC. I made him ill because he got so stressed when I didn’t reply to his texts checking up on me (I was asleep). Life is so much easier without that shit.

I was recently mansplained at by someone I'd just met that "recent scientific research PROVED that men feel illness and pain more* than women. I innocently asked how they can measure how bad people "feel" (normally these studies are self reporting I.e. how ill do you feel on a scale of 1-10 - women qlmost always play it down) and possibly the fact that most women suffer with periods every single month and have learned to just crack the fuck on might have something to do with it...?

He stared at me for a moment and then said, "ewwww, you're not a feminist are you?!"

Big Al strikes again

My DH does this. I don't even think he knows he does it.

Drives me mad and makes me worry about what would happen if I was ever seriously ill.

"I always let him rest when he’s genuinely ill, too. Maybe next time I’ll try saying “oh me too, but far worse” and climb under the duvet and leave him to do everything and deal with the kids. He would be flabbergasted. But I’d never do that, of course."

Good God! Why are you being a walkover? You need to start off by finding out if your husband is feeling well before you put your plan in action. "I'm so glad you are feeling top dollar today because I have got an awful sore throat/ period pain/anything else you care to have and literally take your self up to bed saying you are going to sleep for an hour and leave him to it

I spent yesterday doing last minute shopping, cleaning, cooking etc while my husband sat around in the dressing gown of doom, coughing and playing play station. He suddenly rallied around to jump into action to carve a gammon! What a hero😂

'Eww you're not a narcissist are you?'
Would have been my response.

Heads up, he is.
And, never go near him again.