Thoughts on this guy giving me the ick

[apricotsandroses]

So a guy I've been dating is starting to give me the famous "ick" - some of these reasons are obviously ridiculous but some of them are red flags right? It's been about 2 months & we're both late twenties.

• keeps referencing that he's in love with me when I'm obviously uncomfortable (I said it back once about a month ago after too much to drink but I do not feel this way and have not said it since)
• when he says he loves me or misses me and I don't respond to that part of the message he replies with "harsh"
• when I say I have to go when we're on the phone he whines and says "5 more mins" which always turns into ages
• when out for a drink and I only want to stay for one he always pushes and pushes for me to stay out later with him
• he sends photos of his dinner every night and asks in detail what I'm having for dinner and what the recipe is
• always says "yummy"
• acts really mopey if we're out with a group of other people and I'm talking to other people and not him for a while
• is really over the top when I'm ill or walking home alone - "couldn't sleep until I know you're better/safe" "it's all I think about" "I just care about your well-being and safety so much"
• always boasted about being good at sport and when I watched him he was AWFUL
• always double texts if I don't text back within 30 mins
• sends super long goodnight texts every single night that are soooo soppy in reply to my "goodnight! Talk tomorrow" - I mean like paragraphs of "you're amazing and beautiful, I miss you and love you so much" and if I don't respond before sleep he texts "oi" until I do...
• wears a backpack that is sooo far down his back it looks ridiculous
• keeps talking about wanting to get me pregnant instantly (this is absolutely not of interest to me and I haven't slept with him)

Wow after typing all this out I'm even more convinced I need to end it this week!!

Most of this is red-flag behaviour so obvious and unenjoyable that you shouldn't really need to ask the internet for advice about it. No dilemma here, no difficult decision to be made - end it!

I don't really understand why "yummy" is considered so off-putting, especially to people who themselves use childish words like "ick". But you do you.

If there are this many things you don't like about him (which are totally understandable) I don't get why you haven't ended it before now? Why keep seeing someone that bad?

You are not feeling him at all. Why waste your time, and his?

Not sure why you've waited round for the list to get bigger? Just finish it now.

I feel smothered by him just reading that op. He is wayyyyyyyyyy over the top.

Bin. The "oi" messages, moping and whining are all teaching you to obey him. They will turn into abuse. Get rid now, don't bother with an explanation just tell him not to contact you again and block.

I dated a similar man once. Moved way too fast, was all lovey, would bring me random thoughtful gifts, but loads of things he did just grossed me out. He was trying to move in by stealth in literally a couple of weeks. He would offer to come over and 'cook me dinner' and six days later he'd still be here.

Every time he (finally) went home I'd breathe a sigh of relief and call my DM or a friend to say 'I have to dump him! He's driving me crazy!'

And they all said, 'Oh, come on Sparkl, he's so nice to you, you've found a good'un, don't throw it away, it's early days blah blah'.

Took me FOUR months to ditch him and the thought of him still makes my flesh crawl.

When someone is so 'nice' it's often not that easy to 'just get rid' - they've done nothing justifyably bad enough to dump. Although I've learned my lesson now so wouldn't care about the above these days, I can see how it can and did happen.

Dear god, either this is a man child of epic proportions or an insidious monster on a man who will turn at some point.

Either way his behaviour is not attractive. Run fast...,

Why are you spending so much time with someone your clearly don’t like?

I felt icky just reading it. The backpack I could forgive but everything else 🤮—— run.

Everything is awful but the backpack and the sport would be the deciding factors for me!!

Pass the sick bucket!

I've got the ick and I've never even met him

Ive got the ick on your behalf!

Jesus christ that last one!! End it now!

He sounds absolutely awful. I'd have got rid ages ago.

Backpack, yummy, and recipes, if that were all, could be "the ick": if all else was great and you could see a possible future together, these would seem like trivial things to break up over.

But a lot of the other stuff is unreasonable when done repeatedly. Sure, perhaps you could push back/be clearer on the "I love you" and "five more minutes"; perhaps he mopes when left alone because he's anxious or shy. But all of this intensity and possessiveness and over-the-top sentimentality vomit is too much too soon and reads as controlling. Some of it could be immaturity, self-centredness, lack of relationship experience - but unless he's twelve, who needs it?

(He) keeps talking about wanting to get me pregnant instantly (this is absolutely not of interest to me and I haven't slept with him). You should have put this one first; it's irredeemably awful and in combo with some of the other things would give me rapey vibes. (It may or may not fit the bill with this particular person, but forced pregnancy is a pretty common paraphilia.) If it's NOT that, he's an idiot. Or he's twelve and this is the only way he knows to hint about having sex because he hasn't figured out there are other reasons besides procreation.

I'd break up with him even if he IS twelve, though.

Ugh - no wonder you've got 'the ick'. He sounds needy, whiny, insecure and creepy. Why are you with him FGS?

He doesn't want to have a relationship with you he wants to own you like a pet so he has complete control over you. You need to end this.

God I feel so sorry for him!
How did he get to late 20s thinking any of this behavior is ok or normal!
Get rid op be prepared though I think you'll find you have a stalker on your hands, be firm and don't mince your words don't let him think for one second there is ever a chance of getting back together!

My first reaction is that would give me the immense ick. But then I imagined someone I really fancy doing it and it’s not as bad. Lol

The backpack comment made me laugh, I’d think the same

Just end it. I don’t get what this list is for. If you don’t like someone, stop seeing them. It’s very straightforward.

...rather than come on here and encourage others to dive in about how awful the person is because you've made them sound as bad as you possibly could.

End it, end it now! He sounds an enormous pain in the arse.

Euuwwwwwwwwww 😷Dump him immediately