affair partner back in contact

[bstd890]

went no contact with affair partner. haven't seen him for months why has he started messaging again

You won't care that he hates you. Give it time. He's nothing!

his wifewas so upset

@bstd890 " can't stop crying he hates me".

He doesn't. You have been honest. Time will out. xx

will never trust me again

Thank you @bstd890 whilst you have shattered her false reality, she now knows she is married to a low life cheater. No woman deserves to suffer from a cheater's lies, gaslighting, stonewalling etc. Relief will come eventually.

Are you really bothered if a man of such low calibre never speaks to you again? Please do the decent thing and move on now.

He’s tantruming because his game is up. He’s a horrible man who feels entitled to use women for his gratification. He has used, tricked and deceived his wife for years. And look how he lied to you for 8 or 9 months that he was single.

His wife was of course very upset, but you have given her the blessing of honesty. He robbed her choices and consent, but now her agency has been returned to her.

@bstd890, you know that you deserve an equal, honest relationship with a single man. Don’t ever settle for anything less.

will never trust me again.

Well that’s rich coming from this untrustworthy man of the highest order.

You stood up and acted with integrity. Train yourself to stop caring what the narcissistic lying manipulator thinks. Cut him off. Consider seeking counseling for support.

He said he won't trust you again?

Why does that matter if you aren't going to speak to him ever again let alone keep seeing him?

Or are you planning to stay in touch? If so then nobody can help you at this point because the level of self destructive that would be needs some professional guidance.

i now but it still hurts

The kindest thing you can do for yourself is to right now, immediately block him on all platforms and then delete his number.

Then you can start to heal.

For as long as you continue to have any contact, or possibility of contact at all, you can't start healing.

And if his wife is serious and ends it, he might get back in touch trying to persuade you he wants you.

And you'll need to remember he wanted her more, as painful as it might be, or he would have left her.

thank you for being nice i dont deserve it

Well done op.

What did his wife say ?

She cried a lot and was shocked how long it had been going on. No idea what shewill do now

Have you blocked him on everything and deleted his number yet?

just need to delete his number

He 'will never trust you again'? Is this guy for fucking real? He is trying to take the moral high ground with you about trust when he has repeatedly broken the trust of his wife, a person he made a legal commitment too?

Tell him to fuck off and take a long, hard look at himself in the mirror then block him and tell him never to contact you again or you will contact the police about harrassment. This man does not respect or like women OP, he has devastated two women for the sake of using his penis. Get him out of your life.

Why don't you do this now?

@bstd890

Are you just hanging on hoping this man of low integrity will reach out to you if it all gets too tough for him at home? He didn't leave his wife at any time during your affair...not likely to now!

I suggest you have only told her in the hope this will happen, otherwise he would have been blocked immediately.
Why would you want her sloppy left overs?

Do you have no shame?

Deleted and blocked. No i don't want him

OP, the only way you will even begin to get over this guy is if you totally break contact.

I'm not going to go into the morality of the situation because it is documented on here that I myself had an affair with a married man that ended over 4 years ago. Since it ended I would check his Facebook page multiple times a day. It consumed me. I would occasionally crack and text him and he would always reply but he would never contact me spontaneously.

It took until 2 July this year for me to unfriend him on Facebook, delete all his text messages and his phone number. It was hard - I loved him and still do - but genuinely you will feel lighter as the days go on.

I personally never told his wife and never would. Yes, he cheated, but I didn't see why her life and those of his almost grown children should be destroyed because of our combined total disregard and selfishness.

are you married?

That must have been traumatic.

Yesbut worse for her

@bstd890 thank you for deleting blocking and hopefully being determined to move on.

You have given her the full picture now. If his wife tries to forgive and rebuild her marriage, that is on her.

Personally as one who has been in her position it will be hard, near on impossible with a controlling, manipulative, lying husband. He sounds very much as though he's the type to go on and rinse and repeat his behaviour.

Every woman deserves better than that, including you. Thank you for having the sense to see through his billy bll sht.

Good luck OP.

I've sent you a message, I hope that's okay.