affair partner back in contact

[bstd890]

went no contact with affair partner. haven't seen him for months why has he started messaging again

This is lower than low. 😞

An ow who has probably engineered his wife finding out covertly, so as not to look like the bitch to her affair partner, too chicken to honestly own up for fear of losing him.

Even when confronted by the wife you lied, your fear is palpable.
This wife needs to know to get away from such toxic people, she must be living in hell, gaslighted to death by you and him, you crazy batshit woman.

Stop abusing this woman !

You're in control of whether he can message you @bstd890 . Just block him without reply. Then if he pesters you again it's harrassment, let the police know.

because she knows enough doesn't she

No she doesn't, he's lying to her and is telling her you are vile and she is paranoid.

Why will you not tell her, are you frightened of him ?

Not if she doesn't know he's still contacting you while she's presumably trying to work on their marriage

You only answered part of what I asked and ignored the other question.

Are you also married/in a LTR or just him?

he won't tell the truth

You want him to tell her don't you ?

Or end it so you can both be together.

because she knows enough doesn’t she

No, she doesn’t know enough. She still doesn’t have the whole truth.

From what I recall, you backed up his lie that the sex was a one-off. The truth is, it’s been going on for years.

This betrayed woman has the right to know that her H has led a double life for years. He made a fool of her, robbed her choices, and risked her health for years. She is in a false reconciliation because she never had all the knowledge to make informed choices. You are still colluding with him to hurt her.

She asked for your help and you kicked her in the face.

This.

You need to have a long, hard think. For fucks sake.

She deserves to know the extent of his dishonesty and infidelity, and that he is continuing to cheat by contacting you.

Op , I haven’t read any earlier posts , is this true ? I honestly don’t know what you are asking here, is it some form of validation that your behaviour can be justified? Because it can’t - you are going to end up alone , bitter and having wasted your life and to be honest no more than you deserve

This is exactly why men must be held entirely accountable for their affairs.

His wife found out he cheated and forgave him, yet here he is risking it all again.

He's telling her, that her forgiveness, swallowing her pride, sacrifice, children's livelihood (if there are any), etc is worth nothing 😔

I have only seen one previous post of yours and honestly op you sound as though you are having a breakdown, incoherant and monosyllabic.

This secret lie and life is killing you.
You need the truth to set you free from this narcissistic bastard who is controlling both of you.

Why not tell us the truth of the matter, unburden yourself and you may find the strength to find a way out of this prison you have created for yourself and his wife.

She needs to know the full extent of his betrayal, he clearly doesn't care about her mental health and he has used you to corroborate his lies.

Very well put @MsDogLady.
Cripes the words 'heartless entitled bitch' come to mind.

I’ve checked and I was incorrect that you and Rat lied that the sex was a one-off. You actually told his Wife that there was no physical relationship at all.

She confided in you that she’d been so miserable for years, and said if you’d been physical she wouldn’t be able to continue and forgive him again. You wrote, “ I lied to her face!”

As of August, she was in therapy and working on the marriage. He was still chasing you and she was, in your words, “living a lie.”

You’ve known since early 2020 that Rat was married and using you for sex. When she found your number and reached out, did you actually believe that if you colluded with him to play this twisted game with this poor woman’s life and emotional health that he would finally respect you? He doesn’t and never will.

Do you have any respect for yourself?

Why would you not tell his wife, let her make an informed choice about her relationship. You are just thinking of yourself and obviously quite enjoy the fact he has contacted you

You're in your 50s FFS. Grow up.

You need help OP. You are addicted to the thrill of this situation and this post is nothing more than an excuse to shift the focus back to you. You secretly love this feeling of power over him and his wife. What you don't understand is that it's an illusion. You are as much the victim as his wife. I'm not going to indulge you in your shitshow. Grow the fuck up.

He wants sex and it's a lot of effort for men to find a new affair partner so it's easier to get the old telephone book out and contact past liaisons who have proven record of cheating. Easier than starting something new with a woman who may slap him and out him to his wife. You're a safe bet for sex.

😞

That poor woman.

@bstd890 this is all appalling. What on earth are you thinking? What's wrong with you?

@bstd890 - his wife said if you’d been physical she wouldn’t be able to continue and forgive him again. You wrote, “ I lied to her face!”

OP, have you no shame for knowingly colluding with this low life man who committed 'rape by deception' on his poor wife, who by what you wrote above would not have been giving consent, IF she had been appraised of the true situation. Assent does not constitute consent if it is induced by force, duress or deception.

Perhaps OP, you could explain where your interest lies in getting involved with a married man of such low calibre?
Reading about 'female intrasexual competition' and wondering if it's true that "one of the psychological reasons that women become involved with married men is to enhance their self-esteem and for a sense of power. Some women believe that it means they are attractive if they can steal a man's affection from his wife and that they are powerful to be able to take someone else's man. The truth is, however, that if a woman feels good about herself, she would seek out a man that is truly and solely available to her" .... not just crumb eat from from their marital table.

Is it all a power game to you OP? If not that poor wife needs to be told he is trying it on again with you, to stop her being denied her reality to make informed choices.

I don't think this is just physical prowess though.

Op has something the wife does not have in this dynamic ...

The truth

It is something that binds the affair partners, their shared abuse of this woman and allienation is what must feed op's ego.
Her knowledge is power.

Give your head an alteration. What the fuck is wrong with you. You're a disgrace.

Tell his poor wife the truth so she can get as far away from that man as possible.

Maybe you will end up together after that, sounds like you deserve each other.

The wife, however, deserves better.

Definitely tell her then you can have him all to yourself.
Win win...
Mostly for his wife.
As you'll have ended up with 'prince amongst men' one who'll quite happily put your mental, emotional, physical and sexual health at risk with the help of another woman with as low a moral code as yourself.