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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Year 7 son being racially and homophobically bullied in school

134 replies

ilovemyautumns · 09/10/2022 22:54

After a difficult marriage, this summer i left my husband and took custody of my two children and upsticked and moved to another part of the country.

My son's a quiet type and I strong had reservations about this secondary school due to its reputation and with every other million thing i had to sort out with moving, family court i tried challenging this but they said theirs another school a long distance away.

Since my son's gone to this school and because he stands out as he's not from this area hes being picked on. Kids being kids pick on what's different and start calling him racial stuff and one of his uncle gave him a LGBT wristband which he wore to school. Big mistake ! the kids seized on this and to no end have been abusing him with homophobic words. He has made zero friends since starting in September and despite phone calls and meetings with the school teacher it feels like its being swept under the carpet as this school is literally called "Australia" in the area. Meaning like how Oz was a dump for criminals, all the kids who are expelled eventually end up in this school hence the analogy.

Some of the "sensible" kids are scared stiff of the bullies and don't speak out when witnessing things. My son says a police car always come to the school, fights all the time, the whole science class having to stay behind and be searched because someone stole the equipment, fire bells going off and using the toilet is like going into a torture cell.

Things have escalated where he is now being attacked. Last week of September as he was catching the bus and this was on a very busy high street he was jumped by the kids who knocked his glasses off and took his rucksack and threw it into the heavy traffic. His glasses smashed, phone screen smashed, clothes damaged (new uniform!) and books soaked through.

I have also started a new job and have to do the drop off for his sister too. I took time off (my boss is an arsh which is a story for another day) and the school secretary says the head of year is "busy" but i can "speak to her on the phone"

The head of year's response absolutely flabbergasted me! "Since it is out of school hours the school cannot do anything!"

luckily around that rush hour school time another parent (a lady from my street) she witnessed this and retrieved his bag and took my son to her home and called me. She said she'll back me in any action that's taken. I have a good mind to write to the governors but this same lady (whos lived in this area for yonks) laughed saying parents contact governors, MPs and Ofsted all the time about their kids issues but no action is taken. Its like a zoo! This is a huge contrast from his Primary.

Tomorrow is Monday and its another week of hell. I can't concentrate in my new job and my manager even said "put that phone away and use it during your designated break hours"
I'm going absolutely spare. I'm always feeling hot now, can't sleep since this has started and my son bless him is putting on a brave face.
He is very talented and did really well in Primary school and I feel where we are now he will be both academically and physically crushed! Their dad has still not been awarded custody BTW.

any tips I'm absolutely choking here

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 09/10/2022 22:56

Take him out of school and move him somewhere better. Move house if you have to.

HairyKitty · 09/10/2022 22:59

I think you need to do everything you can to find out if you can move him.
From what you have said I really don’t think this school can salvage the situation, endemic bullying and low level disruption is a whole school problem that’s very difficult to turn around.

CrookCrane · 09/10/2022 23:00

I agree with PP’s get him out of there permanently ASAP.

ilovemyautumns · 09/10/2022 23:03

Hi, the rents are huge elsewhere. Until i can get back on my feet perhaps that will be an option to consider. But even then it's very difficult finding a rented property elsewhere and gambling that you will get the local school.

OP posts:
ilovemyautumns · 09/10/2022 23:14

MolliciousIntent · 09/10/2022 22:56

Take him out of school and move him somewhere better. Move house if you have to.

with the cost of everything i was lucky to get this place. a future option poss once i've saved enough but even then the "good" schools are heavily oversubscripted and especially with so many academies they can be really picky.

OP posts:
CrookCrane · 09/10/2022 23:26

Ring the local education office and see what the situation is and ring all the other local schools and ask about waiting lists. In the meantime tell school you’re not happy with their response about it being out of school hours and you want the bullying in school hours dealt with.

Mummysharkdoodoodoodoodoodoo · 10/10/2022 00:34

Honestly I think it’s best he is attended NO school than this school. Can you home school him for a while? He sounds like he’s in danger of actual harm and this will be doing real damage to his mental health.

starray · 10/10/2022 01:10

I wouldn't be sending him back AT ALL. The next time it happens, it might not be just his bag that is flung onto the road.

Josette77 · 10/10/2022 01:18

Absolutely do not send him to school. Pull him out.

username345 · 10/10/2022 01:21

You need to get your child out of that school OP.

Longsight2019 · 10/10/2022 04:34

Please do not make your son go to this school today, or again, until you’ve found an alternative. It’s dreadful and is damaging him.

Avidreader69 · 10/10/2022 04:41

Move to a different area with good schools. Until you've done this, take him out of school. He will continue to be bullied if you leave him where he is.

HannaHanna · 10/10/2022 04:42

I would not send him back either. Wiser people will be along with more advice.

XJerseyGirlX · 10/10/2022 04:54

Don't send him back , honestly op a year out of school is better than a lifetime of bad mental health and lack of confidence. Could you maybe home school ? Or do a plea to see if anyone is willing to do some free tutoring for him ? Poor lad

AutumnalCosyness · 10/10/2022 05:10

I'm guessing op can't just homeschool him. She needs to work!

Ask the school f they can provide online lessons maybe op? Until you can move him?

Whereabouts are you?

autienotnaughty · 10/10/2022 05:47

Options available-
Find another school with transport links or walking distance from your area. You can Google ofsted ratings and ask on local Facebook page about a school as well as speak to head/do a visit before you commit.
Move to another area - obviously tricky re money etc
Home school until either above options become available- only possible if you can afford not to work/work part time and have childcare if he can't be home alone.

The school he's at sounds like a rough school where children who are not bullies are a target. This will not change and even if school put measures in place bullies will still find a way to get to him. Staying there will massively affect his esteem and potentially impact on his ability to thrive in education, Also his safety is at risk. You need to find a way to change this situation but he should not be expected to go to an environment where he is attacked.

miraveile · 10/10/2022 06:28

Dont send him in today! He Is old enough to stay home alone until you sort something else out, it may take a few days or weeks but do not send him back, next time he could get stabbed or pushed in the bloody road. Absolutely no way should you send him back to that situation.

Exasperatednow · 10/10/2022 06:34

Write a complaint to Ofsted and cite previous complaints raised to governors. This is a safeguarding issue.

It's easy to say pull him out (and I would be inclined) but if you are working... is there another school ge can travel to?

Bedazzled22 · 10/10/2022 06:41

If my son I wouldnt send him to school. Who knows what could happen.

Bedazzled22 · 10/10/2022 06:43

I would complain to ofsted though its unacceptable.

jeaux90 · 10/10/2022 06:47

Tell the HOY that unless they address the bullying you will report the attack to the police. Then do it if they do nothing. (I'd report it anyway if it was me)

As a lone parent myself I understand totally the pressure you are under. You need to find a new school if nothing is done.

Notmenottodaynotever · 10/10/2022 06:55

I wouldn't send him back, he has too much against him in this school I can't see it improving. There must be other schools.
I would also report any assault in the street to the police. Though if I was moving schools I might not for this one instance if he'd never see them again.

Redqueenheart · 10/10/2022 07:03

The bottom line is this is a failing school with pupils with serious behaviour issue and it is not going to change.

So you need to urgently get your kid out of that school and find a decent place for him to go to.

Yes it puts pressure on you but that's what you have to do. Don't keep putting your child in harm's way.

I would of course complaint to the school and Ofsted but I would say they know full well already what goes on in that school and are simply unable or unwilling to sort it out.

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 10/10/2022 07:09

Your poor son, I wouldn't send my child back to that school! It sounds like they have lost control and really don't care about the students! Your son deserves better than this, it is a lot for him that you have moved to a different area and now he is being bullied!

HollyJollyXmas57 · 10/10/2022 07:34

Take your son out of school. I have no idea why you picked an area with a known terrible reputation. Move house asap. Stop this from happening now.

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