Year 7 son being racially and homophobically bullied in school

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After a difficult marriage, this summer i left my husband and took custody of my two children and upsticked and moved to another part of the country.

My son's a quiet type and I strong had reservations about this secondary school due to its reputation and with every other million thing i had to sort out with moving, family court i tried challenging this but they said theirs another school a long distance away.

Since my son's gone to this school and because he stands out as he's not from this area hes being picked on. Kids being kids pick on what's different and start calling him racial stuff and one of his uncle gave him a LGBT wristband which he wore to school. Big mistake ! the kids seized on this and to no end have been abusing him with homophobic words. He has made zero friends since starting in September and despite phone calls and meetings with the school teacher it feels like its being swept under the carpet as this school is literally called "Australia" in the area. Meaning like how Oz was a dump for criminals, all the kids who are expelled eventually end up in this school hence the analogy.

Some of the "sensible" kids are scared stiff of the bullies and don't speak out when witnessing things. My son says a police car always come to the school, fights all the time, the whole science class having to stay behind and be searched because someone stole the equipment, fire bells going off and using the toilet is like going into a torture cell.

Things have escalated where he is now being attacked. Last week of September as he was catching the bus and this was on a very busy high street he was jumped by the kids who knocked his glasses off and took his rucksack and threw it into the heavy traffic. His glasses smashed, phone screen smashed, clothes damaged (new uniform!) and books soaked through.

I have also started a new job and have to do the drop off for his sister too. I took time off (my boss is an arsh which is a story for another day) and the school secretary says the head of year is "busy" but i can "speak to her on the phone"

The head of year's response absolutely flabbergasted me! "Since it is out of school hours the school cannot do anything!"

luckily around that rush hour school time another parent (a lady from my street) she witnessed this and retrieved his bag and took my son to her home and called me. She said she'll back me in any action that's taken. I have a good mind to write to the governors but this same lady (whos lived in this area for yonks) laughed saying parents contact governors, MPs and Ofsted all the time about their kids issues but no action is taken. Its like a zoo! This is a huge contrast from his Primary.

Tomorrow is Monday and its another week of hell. I can't concentrate in my new job and my manager even said "put that phone away and use it during your designated break hours"
I'm going absolutely spare. I'm always feeling hot now, can't sleep since this has started and my son bless him is putting on a brave face.
He is very talented and did really well in Primary school and I feel where we are now he will be both academically and physically crushed! Their dad has still not been awarded custody BTW.

any tips I'm absolutely choking here

If you WFH, maybe online schools could be an option?

Try posting on the secondary education page for more advice re school removal. But I would absolutely escalate to first the head and then governors. It sounds horrendous.

I would be taking him out and if I had to I would quit my job and claim benefit. Look at changing area completely Do not send your son back there another day. He would be better staying home and doing online learning if you can't give up your job.

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hi thanks for all these replys sorry for not getting back to you. Update:
the HOY rang yesterday at 7pm just as we'd settled to eat. She said the bus incident will investigated but my son must identify the culprits as currently despite being a busy street at rush hour no one came forward. The police in the area do an Anti bullying workshop with the school but we all know that never works especially with the hardcore nasty scummy bullies.

He says he didnt see clearly who it was as it was like a pack of them going for him really quick and today one of the kids told him in no uncertain terms as to what happens to snitches in the school (his words not mine).
people have said about moving, i did'nt want to come here but due to my finances this is what i've got as rents are sky high. maybe in the future i can move but its a long way off.
Its been a great cultural shock for me and my kids. We grew up in a leafy urban area where they cycled and did all sorts. Now i just keep them indoors all the time.
People mention homeschooling but wouldnt i need to be home with him? and also isn't that just a rubbish version of an education.

no i don't wfh

I would find a way to keep him home until this is resolved, particularly given the threats.

The issue is work, i cannot leave him alone and if one of the kids knew where he lived and i was'nt there. ...

also issue is I can be fined if he did'nt attend. I really don't know how to navigate this

Why are you in this area? There are cheap places, like remote Scottish islands, did you move to be near family or do you do a job that has only a few locations?

It just doesn't sound like there is anything at all keeping you there, so it's hard to advise anything other than moving.

If you moved there to be near family, can he go there while you're at work, with the school sending him work home until they've sorted out his safety?

Don't worry about the fines, that's for another day months from now if things get that far

I think you have to be 'that' annoying parent.

Their behaviour policy (or at least the interpretation of it you've had so far) is appalling. A decent school would treat incidents on the school run with as much seriousness as if it happened on the premises. Bullying is bullying wherever it happens. Would they not intervene if a child was being bullied online? That's not in school either but it's specifically cited in Keeping Children Safe in Education (read it, and talk about it in the meeting you are going to have with school). If they haven't offered you a meeting, tell them you want one. Investigate the complaints policy for how they have handled the incidents with your DS.

Are there any other schools you can get your DS on the waiting list for?

OP I cant tell you how much I feel for you.
I hate stories like this. They really get to me.
I think its because I had similar with one Dc.
Went to a school we didn't choose(long story). I appealed and failed.

I knew it was going to bad, but it was worse than I imagined.
He wasn't bullied as such, well some very low level stuff, but he was witness to lots.
The stuff he came home and told me was just getting worse and worse.
The kids there were all out of area (our area isn't too bad)and they were so bad.
I couldn't believe year 7s could do such bad stuff. Teachers from what i saw were lovely to my Ds but couldn't control these kids.

I was wracked with guilt every day.
I looked at every possible avenue and even looked at a private school and giving up everything else

Then one day there was another incident. It was the last straw. I appealed again immediately with extenuating circumstances . They accepted my appeal and it was days later and I won!
He is now at a school with all of his friends.

I still want to cry when I think of it and I feel guilty for even exposing him to it. He had never seen anything like it.

In your situation I'd pull him out asap(that would have been my next step I think).
Take some time off work. Screw your job. This is more important.

This is madness. You Are being much too passive about this.

You need to be proactive and not talk about how you can't move him or you don't know the system. If you don't know how to pull a child out of a school, just ask lots of people will be able to help you. I've done it myself. You don't get fined.

I don't see how you think it's safer for him to be at this School than be at home by himself!

This OP
No question.

Now that the bullies have noticed jim as a target, he’ll always be attacked here. The school clearly won’t wnd it. Therefore, he has to leave.

In your situation I would pull him out immediately and then place him
in the nearest school that has a place, even if it’s a 1 hour commute for him on buses.

Very long shot but if you’re low income, not a homeowner, and your child is well behaved and reasonably bright, it is worth asking local private schools if any of them would consider offering him a fully funded place. I know in my town there are some very generous schemes given to those on low income. Might be worth a shot.

If there really is no other school in your area you are going to have to move, sorry OP.

we moved from an affluent part of Essex to Newham in London for work purposes and of course cheaper lodgings. My ex long story short had fooled me for so long and was taking money out of our account to "set up a business". I trusted him too much one day that woman he was seeing came and knocked on my door and told me everything what he'd been up to the dog. She'd fallen out with him as he got bored of her and this was her payback.

I left of course and I think he's gone to a non REMO country i think Qatar

I can't really afford to be picky in my job and am scared of being unemployable if I have breaks in my employment. Currently i'm working just above minimum wage whereas in essex i had a really decent job and am qualified. But alone i couldnt afford the rent.

so hopefully that gives some perspective. Its been so great on here, someone said online learning. The other schools in the borough aren't that great either tbh.

I will consider the online learning but i'm just worried that might be a naff off education which wont be recognised.

You are in London. Send him to school in another borough. He can travel to the school on public. My family moved from Islington to Greenwich when I was in year 10. Instead of moving schools in the middle of my Gcse's I stayed at the school in Islington. This meant leaving home at quarter past 7 to get to school for 9. I had to take a bus, a boat a Woolwich to cross the river and then a train just to get to school. It would be preferable for your son to travel rather than being bullied. Stop making excuses. He can not stay at his current school. Children have commited suicide because of bullying.

*public transport

I've tried calling a few schools but they all say on the phone "sorry you're not in the catchment area". I've put him on a waiting list but the authority areas say its a long queue of people waiting for schools. The issue is short term because he clearly is suffering at the moment. In this day and age some of these kids i suppose from their cultural background are extreme homophobic but they generally just pick on him and he just can't befriend any as he shares nothing in common with them.
A few come up to him and ask him where he's from and his background but then they walk off. They also ask some disgusting questions and then walk off in hoots of laughter. My sons not what you'd call "streetwise".

I think wearing that lgbt wristband has put a label on him. but this should'nt be an excuse or be accepted.

I'm still new here in London but i know it can take a long time travelling during rush hour. I'll widen my scope or look into the online.

Your son is in real danger so please do not send him back to the school again.

OP PLEASE take him out of school or do something concrete in the meantime.
He must be as miserable as sin. And terrified.
My Ds wasn't even in as bad a situation as yours but it was horrific enough.

I was sick to my stomach and he was only there 2 months. After he left he really opened up and said how bad he felt, like he wanted to just run out of class and come home.

Its shit about your job , but honestly I'd rather be on benefits than go to work thansend my child to a school like that again

This is shocking, poor kid. From what you say you won't be able to resolve this, you've already tried. You should look to move his school or your house ASAP and keep him out of school til then.

i don't think they pay any benefits if your purposefully quit. Also finding a job after a spell of unemployment is extremely difficult from what i gather.
theirs so much demand in the job market and I'm not getting any younger, they always seem to take in the young university fresh faced grads in job roles.

Did you have family in Essex? Could you go and stay with family wherever they are? A minimum wage job is a minimum wage job anywhere.

Oh my gosh this poor boy. Please take him out.

I’d take him out personally. He could easily learn just as much in half a day’s home study as he would in a school like that. I have memories of being in classes that consisted of the teacher shouting and throwing things at kids who were throwing food and even chairs (!) about. I wasn’t bullied, but I didn’t learn anything either - except I didn’t fit in there, and some kids behaviour was scary. Missing a year at that age isn’t going to damage his development as much as being under threat of being assaulted.