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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Year 7 son being racially and homophobically bullied in school

134 replies

ilovemyautumns · 09/10/2022 22:54

After a difficult marriage, this summer i left my husband and took custody of my two children and upsticked and moved to another part of the country.

My son's a quiet type and I strong had reservations about this secondary school due to its reputation and with every other million thing i had to sort out with moving, family court i tried challenging this but they said theirs another school a long distance away.

Since my son's gone to this school and because he stands out as he's not from this area hes being picked on. Kids being kids pick on what's different and start calling him racial stuff and one of his uncle gave him a LGBT wristband which he wore to school. Big mistake ! the kids seized on this and to no end have been abusing him with homophobic words. He has made zero friends since starting in September and despite phone calls and meetings with the school teacher it feels like its being swept under the carpet as this school is literally called "Australia" in the area. Meaning like how Oz was a dump for criminals, all the kids who are expelled eventually end up in this school hence the analogy.

Some of the "sensible" kids are scared stiff of the bullies and don't speak out when witnessing things. My son says a police car always come to the school, fights all the time, the whole science class having to stay behind and be searched because someone stole the equipment, fire bells going off and using the toilet is like going into a torture cell.

Things have escalated where he is now being attacked. Last week of September as he was catching the bus and this was on a very busy high street he was jumped by the kids who knocked his glasses off and took his rucksack and threw it into the heavy traffic. His glasses smashed, phone screen smashed, clothes damaged (new uniform!) and books soaked through.

I have also started a new job and have to do the drop off for his sister too. I took time off (my boss is an arsh which is a story for another day) and the school secretary says the head of year is "busy" but i can "speak to her on the phone"

The head of year's response absolutely flabbergasted me! "Since it is out of school hours the school cannot do anything!"

luckily around that rush hour school time another parent (a lady from my street) she witnessed this and retrieved his bag and took my son to her home and called me. She said she'll back me in any action that's taken. I have a good mind to write to the governors but this same lady (whos lived in this area for yonks) laughed saying parents contact governors, MPs and Ofsted all the time about their kids issues but no action is taken. Its like a zoo! This is a huge contrast from his Primary.

Tomorrow is Monday and its another week of hell. I can't concentrate in my new job and my manager even said "put that phone away and use it during your designated break hours"
I'm going absolutely spare. I'm always feeling hot now, can't sleep since this has started and my son bless him is putting on a brave face.
He is very talented and did really well in Primary school and I feel where we are now he will be both academically and physically crushed! Their dad has still not been awarded custody BTW.

any tips I'm absolutely choking here

OP posts:
ilovemyautumns · 21/10/2022 10:46

thistimeiknowitsforreal · 19/10/2022 21:30

I know its a stupid idea and im sorry for suggesting it.

I come out with some crap sometimes.

I`m just trying to look at it from a different angle.

Like i said in my previous post, bullies/thugs like that should be sent to some army camp where they get the put through the rigger.

Thanks everyone, don't apologies at all. You are all trying to help i know and i welcome your suggestions. Actually one of my family members suggested he'll teach my son some boxing, but i think meeting violence with violence is a really bad idea. Also movies aside in the real world their are gangs and groups linked to one another so attacking one of them will be like throwing my son to the wolves literally.
This week I've said i'm not sending him back the HOY came back to me again and might i add an extremely rude individual. "You must send him back in full uniform at the new term or we will inform social services and you'll be issued a fine" the HOY said its up to me find an alternative provision.
I've contacted the LA and sent emails and left messages to some numpties who are one of the most incredibly stupidest individuals one could ever come across.

I spent like 20 minutes trying to get this person to spell my name which is an Anglo name btw and my address only for minutes later to receive a text message with my son and my name completely wrong! address wrong and totally and utterly misunderstood what i said. I said an in year transfer and this person interpreted it as leaving the area. I've also tried both options the homeschooling but that will be secondary. My son and I feel he should be in a school, its not just education he's a bright lad but also the social side too.

OMG god i've had it up to here. Anyway its Friday I've booked today off to unload and hopefully later on we'll go for a nice walk in the parks. London is absolutely lovely around this time of the year, the lovely leaves and sights everywhere. Both my kids mental health has suffered hugely I'm going to do my best to put this right. PS: anyone know any halloween events in London spookier the better!

Thanks a bunch and keep the advice and pointers coming which have hugely helped so far!!

OP posts:
GBoucher · 11/03/2023 16:41

Hi OP, you said you had a high paying job in Essex. Could you move back there and return to that job? Obviously you would have to downsize and move to a cheaper area since you said you couldn't afford the rent on your previous place alone, but wouldn't you be able to find more affordable neighbourhoods? That way, your son could go back to his previous school. I agree with all the other posters that your son should definitely not go back to this current school. Not only is he highly unlikely to be learning anything in that environment, but his life is in danger.

emptythelitterbox · 11/03/2023 18:01

How did you end up leaving your well paid job and moving to such a trashy area?

I'd move back to where you were even if it means renting a share room. You could find a nice family or other single mum to share with.

Iamnotmad · 11/03/2023 18:31

I went through exactly this as a child and it has damaged me for life. I begged my mother to take me out of the school and the answer was we can't afford the bus fares for you to travel to another school.

Johnisafckface · 11/03/2023 18:34

Are there online school options? Quite a few friends of mine put their kids in accredited online school as they dealt with bullying/feeling out of place at regular school.

Nimbostratus100 · 11/03/2023 18:38

your son was assaulted- it is a police matter, not a school matter

Ladybird2023 · 11/03/2023 18:53

I wouldn’t send him in for another day.

Missing a few months of school, even if he’s home alone all day, would be less risky to his mental and physical health, than forcing him into the hell-hole you describe.

Imagine a group of your co-workers had attacked you in the street and shoved your bag in the road. Would you still be going into work with them every day?

Adarajames · 12/03/2023 16:21

MN is so good at giving unrealistic snap advice, either that or most people replying have no concerns about money / ability to move / real life of everyone else!

I totally get your dilemma Op of being stuck where you are due to work / rental prices and reality. If you have to work then of course you can’t realistically homeschool your child/ren, and it costs thousands to move / pay a deposit etc.

The only realistic short term option is to find a school that he can travel to from your current location; that may mean having to apply / travel out of borough, but if the school has spaces, then that shouldn’t be a problem although you probably won’t get a travel pass if you opt for a school further away. As someone mentioned earlier you could also try contacting local public schools and see if they have spaces and any chance of your son getting a bursary / scholarship to cover the cost.

Wish you and your son all the strength to get through this, and hoping you find a school he can travel to and be safe in, very soon.

Panama2 · 12/03/2023 16:57

Just thinking out loud but if you were earning more where you were working why not move the other way further out into Essex even Suffolk and commute for work which I have assumed was near where you were living? I grew up in Newhart and it was never great but not like this.

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