Surprise pregnancy DP not happy at all.

[Freya81]

I'm just looking for some advice as I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this. My partner and I have been together for 6 years and have one DD who is 21 months. He is 15 years older than me and has three grown up kids from a previous marriage. I've just found out that I'm pregnant again at 41. I blame myself as we hadn't been using contraception and I'd just been relying on an online fertility calculator. Obviously it wasn't that accurate as according to it, we only had sex once about 5 or 6 days before ovulation.

It came as a huge shock to discover that I was pregnant as along with my age, I also have thyroid issues. I dreaded telling DP, but finally plucked up the courage to on Friday. I thought he'd be unhappy about it, but supportive. I was wrong. Since then, I have had a barrage of criticism, that I'm a deceitful, manipulate cow who has lied to him, that I'm a useless mother to our DD (which I think is unfair and untrue as I'm absolutely devoted to and and do almost all the childcare). This morning, he has upped the intensity and although he hasn't said it outright, he is implying very strongly that I should have a termination. I'm six weeks pregnant and although I never expected this pregnany, I'm already thinking about whether DD will have a brother or sister. He is adamant that he doesn't want another child and is claiming that it will ruin our DD's life.

To make matters even worse, I'm currently financially dependent on him and I don't really have any relationship with my family, so I can't turn to them for support. I'm feeling so upset and can't strop crying so any thoughts would be appreciated.

Very empathetic and sympathetic too.

Not.

What on earth are you basing that on? What a ridiculous thing to say. People, with kids, divorce for a myriad of reasons.

How dare you say that a man (or woman, come to that, can't be a good parent if they're divorced.

@Freya81 as previous PP have said, he's 50% responsible for you being pregnant, and to behave in that way to you is shocking. Make your decision based on being a single parent, he doesn't deserve you.

Your post was mind boggling and the replies no better. I'm sorry you know so many arsehole men. However you cannot speak for everyone. My own experience of friends' divorces is in the vast majority of cases simply people growing apart, arguing all the time, and heading in different directions. Plenty of decent men who really wrestled with the loss of 24/7 care of kids but still went ahead with it as better for all concerned.

It sounds like you have a decision to make, leave this horrible man, have the abortion you clearly don’t want or do nothing and hope he comes to accept it. I personally would do no 1, not great you’re financially reliant on him but I’m sure you’d get some support from the council given you’ve got a child for emergency housing if that’s your only option.

I don’t understand how any of you can be shocked you’re pregnant though. You’re not teenagers who don’t understand contraception. He could have had a vasectomy if he was adamant he didn’t want more kids. If you knew he didn’t want a child this much you could have gone on the pill or better still you could have both stopped having sex until permanent contraception was sorted. I don’t want anymore children now I’m mid 40’s and there’s no way I’d be relying on natural methods of contraception

However you cannot speak for everyone.

I'm unaware unclaimed I spoke for everyone.

I don’t understand how any of you can be shocked you’re pregnant though. You’re not teenagers who don’t understand contraception.

I find "older" people think they're low risk/past it.

And because their risk per cycle is on the low side, they'll get away with taking risks for a while; cementing their belief that they're very low risk. That does not take into account odds however and people often get caught by that. The fact they (including even young people) are getting away with it, makes them think they'll continue getting away with it, whereas in fact it's the opposite, the odds are climbing every time they do.

There are 40 something women on the pregnancy choices board here every week with unplanned pregnancies they thought they were too old to have.

I think the 35 cliff myth, and the lack of 40s pregnancies in the past generation due to quite young marriage, young child bearing and very effective contraception .. has perpetuated the wrong impression about risk in your 40s, esp. early 40s.

When I was growing up both our neighbour and my school mate's Mums fell pregnant naturally at 45 with older fathers. Also due to the particular religious and cultural setup here, (NI/ROI) lots of women had kids into their 40s).

You are in the situation now, you seem like you want to keep the baby, I know I would too. So the question really is whether you husband will support you or if it's the end of the marriage

I’m sure the OP will see medical professions during her pregnancy who can advise on her circumstance.

If you read OP's posts, she doesn't want to have a termination. She wants to keep the baby and an abusive man is trying to bully and manipulate her into having a termination she doesn't want and would regret.

Posters are encouraging her to do what SHE wants with her own body and pregnancy. If she had posted the opposite problem - abusive man trying to prevent her having an abortion that she wanted - I would have posted encouraging her to go ahead with that.

What a toaster he knows how baby’s are made and wanted to cum inside you. Sorry if tmi but he could have pulled out.

Leave him and make him pay for his mistake for the next 18 years. Hope your ok and good luck with the baby

He’s got 4 kids, he knows how people get pregnant. If he’s having unprotected sex then there will be a chance of pregnancy.