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Original poster

To feel like my boyfriend relies on my for his emotional needs

113 replies

cleverlemon · 07/10/2022 13:34

My boyfriend and I have been together for many years. But recently I fell like he is using me to entertain his emotional needs and I'm finding it very overwhelming.

He is going through some pretty bad staff and I have always been there for him but as he practically used to thrown back in my face I've taken a back seat. But recently, he has been calling me every day, which is fine, but when I hang up the phone on him and call one of my friends- he would realise that I'm talking to them as my phone does a beeping sound (on the other line) to let the person know that the call is engaged, but my boyfriend would ring ring ring ring which puts me on edge as I'm not able to fully comprehended what my friend is saying on the phone as my phone keeps beeping. When I finish my phone call my boyfriend would hang up and say "Who are you on the phone to? You were on the phone for an hour,, I wish I could speak to you for an hour! You treat your friends better than me.. I bet your cheating..."

When he gets like this. It puts me off so occasionally I do ignore his calls when he phones.

So, I try and see him every week, sometimes it's difficult as I suffer from a health condition and have to attend appointments and I have a young child. But I haven't recently seen him for the past few weeks as I've had a lot of health scares. But anyway, I work 4 days a week and have one day off, on those days my boyfriend would call me as soon as I dropped off my child to school in the morning and would entice me to see him on that day. I know it's pretty bad but sometimes I just want a day to myself, I just want to relax and not go out anywhere and as I spend my days in and out of appointments I just want to relax, on some of my days off. I tell me BF this but he gets very upset, he tells me that he is going through a lot right now and all he wants is my company- someone to talk to and for me to see him. When I do tell him that I'm sorry we meet next week, he tells me that his just going to jump out of the window, and recently he showed me a picture that he has cut his wrists (his going through a mental
Health crisis). I just don't know what to do as I'm finding it a bit much. This happened today and now he has been calling me numerous times on a private number.

OP posts:
QueSyrahSyrah · 07/10/2022 13:35

Does he bring anything positive to your life at all? It doesn't sound like it. Chuck him back, more effort than he's worth.

girlmom21 · 07/10/2022 13:36

Honestly tell him it's over and block his number.
He doesn't sound like he benefits your life.

catchthedog · 07/10/2022 13:37

why are you choosing to have a bf like that? just get a better one .

Etinoxaurus · 07/10/2022 13:38

It sounds as if the relationship has run it’s course. You have no duty to, but I’d write to his GP or CPN if he has one with your concerns about his mental health and kindly dump. “It’s not working, you’re a lovely guy etc, there’s no one else.” on a loop; don’t get drawn into more.

Original poster
cleverlemon · 07/10/2022 13:44

I do love him but when his stressed or life is currently not working out (his going through a big situation which may have a huge impact on his life)- he gets into this state and wants everyone to bow down to his needs. But as, in the past, where people have helped him out he just throws it back into their face, which has Made those people refuse to help him no longer. So BF feels alone.

But I'm finding I'm becoming his emotional crutch. There's a few shops that are near my child's school which are like browsing into. As soon as I came out of the shop BF asked "Who was you on the phone to?". But I wasn't on the phone, he was unable to get through to me as there's no signal in some
Of these shops.

OP posts:
Backtoreality22 · 07/10/2022 13:49

It’s not much of a relationship is it? If you don’t want to see him on your day off then that says it all. You are avoiding him and I don’t blame you as he sounds exhausting.

girlmom21 · 07/10/2022 13:50

This isn't just him leaning on you. This is him controlling and harassing you.

You talk to someone else on the phone and he's accusing you of cheating. You go to the shops and he won't leave you alone. It's unhealthy.

Original poster
cleverlemon · 07/10/2022 13:57

Backtoreality22 · 07/10/2022 13:49

It’s not much of a relationship is it? If you don’t want to see him on your day off then that says it all. You are avoiding him and I don’t blame you as he sounds exhausting.

So I should be making the effort and see him on my days off?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 07/10/2022 14:15

No you should dump him and stop taking any of these calls

Backtoreality22 · 07/10/2022 14:29

No I don’t think you should be seeing him at all!

Original poster
cleverlemon · 07/10/2022 14:29

He called me again and said

"I begged you to come and see me. I begged you but it's all lies. I wanted to talk to you. But now your going to get the real me. Thank you lemon for making me realise that I need to be selfish to survive in this earth thus world. You always speak down to me well the moment you do that, I'm going to smack you up. Your a dummy, I don't have time for dummys'.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 07/10/2022 14:30

cleverlemon · 07/10/2022 14:29

He called me again and said

"I begged you to come and see me. I begged you but it's all lies. I wanted to talk to you. But now your going to get the real me. Thank you lemon for making me realise that I need to be selfish to survive in this earth thus world. You always speak down to me well the moment you do that, I'm going to smack you up. Your a dummy, I don't have time for dummys'.

Block the prick. He's just threatened you with physical violence.

Opaljewel · 07/10/2022 14:41

After your last update, just dump him right now and block. This is not love.

toobusytothink · 07/10/2022 14:48

You’ve been seeing him many years but you “try to see him once a week”. That’s fine if it works but sounds as though it’s not working. Doesn’t sound as if you are very committed or keen (and I say that as someone who has been with my bf for 4 years and no intention of living together but who I see whenever I possibly can)

toobusytothink · 07/10/2022 14:49

Wow just seen update!!! Sounds like he is messed up. Time to dump!!!! And block

Pinkbonbon · 07/10/2022 14:55

I got a far as 'i bet you're cheating'

Run for the hills. He's a controlling prick. There's no emotional excuse for accysinv your partner if shit like that. Also note that his behaviour is designed to stop you talking to your friends.

He's a narcissistic arsehole who views you as an object only there to fill his needs.

Fuck that shit. Dump and block. Seriously, you don't even owe him the courtesy of a face to face break up if he pulls such manipulative shit.

Pinkbonbon · 07/10/2022 15:00

cleverlemon · 07/10/2022 14:29

He called me again and said

"I begged you to come and see me. I begged you but it's all lies. I wanted to talk to you. But now your going to get the real me. Thank you lemon for making me realise that I need to be selfish to survive in this earth thus world. You always speak down to me well the moment you do that, I'm going to smack you up. Your a dummy, I don't have time for dummys'.

Tell him via text never to contact you again. And block. If he harasses you further, go to the police.
This man is unhinged.

Read up on the tactics of covert narcissists. Google 'covert narcissist victim mentality'.

You've had a very lucky escape. Take it.

billy1966 · 07/10/2022 15:07

Block him and keep this lunatic away from you, your child, your home.

Contact the police if he comes to your home.

Pinkbonbon · 07/10/2022 15:08

Ps: if he ever threatens to harm or kill himself, don't reply, just call 999 and advise them that your ex is threatening to harm himself but you don't know if its just a tactic or not. They will decide whether or not to attend to him. If they go and find he is bullshitting then he'll (rightly) get in deep shit. And if not, they can deal with that.

Abusers often threaten self harm in order to control you. This man means you harm, remember that and protect yourself. Let the experts deal with his mental health. You are not a rehab centre for damaged men.

Original poster
cleverlemon · 07/10/2022 15:38

toobusytothink · 07/10/2022 14:48

You’ve been seeing him many years but you “try to see him once a week”. That’s fine if it works but sounds as though it’s not working. Doesn’t sound as if you are very committed or keen (and I say that as someone who has been with my bf for 4 years and no intention of living together but who I see whenever I possibly can)

I agree but I become put off from seeing him when he acts like this- which is not the first time,

Maybe I'd be different if I didn't have a boyfriend like this.. who knows...

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 07/10/2022 15:39

Yes you would be different if you had a boyfriend who you actually like and who had a tiny bit of respect for you.

CrystalCoco · 07/10/2022 15:43

cleverlemon · 07/10/2022 14:29

He called me again and said

"I begged you to come and see me. I begged you but it's all lies. I wanted to talk to you. But now your going to get the real me. Thank you lemon for making me realise that I need to be selfish to survive in this earth thus world. You always speak down to me well the moment you do that, I'm going to smack you up. Your a dummy, I don't have time for dummys'.

Game over after this message!

Threats of violence and insulting you. Block and delete his number.

PineOrange · 07/10/2022 15:49

This is not a relationship.

You do not want to see or hear from him and he is bullying you into seeing him and wanting him.

End this for both your sakes.
Any problems, call the police.

Piffle11 · 07/10/2022 15:55

cleverlemon · 07/10/2022 14:29

He called me again and said

"I begged you to come and see me. I begged you but it's all lies. I wanted to talk to you. But now your going to get the real me. Thank you lemon for making me realise that I need to be selfish to survive in this earth thus world. You always speak down to me well the moment you do that, I'm going to smack you up. Your a dummy, I don't have time for dummys'.

You say you have been together 'many years' … I can't imagine this is the first time he has spoken to you like this, right? I am having a hard time getting my head around someone who apparently needs emotional support for years, and then suddenly goes straight into, 'I'll smack you up' style language, when you don't immediately respond. He's done this before, hasn't he? And you've made excuses for him.

I used to live with someone who leaned on me for/demanded emotional support: he had depression, he had anxiety, he was paranoid, he was vulnerable, no one loved him… Nothing I did could appease him. He got worse and worse. I ended up being diagnosed with depression myself: when I told him, he laughed at me and said, 'you don't have depression, you have a personality disorder. It's all about you, isn't it?'

Ilady · 07/10/2022 16:09

This man is just using you. He thinks you have no life of your own. He expects you to drop everything in your life to be their for him. You have a child, work 4 days a week and have been dealing with some health issues of your own. Sometimes you just want your day off to do things you like.

He has told you he will end things and he is now threating you. From what you said his behaviour has ended either friendships or relationship's in the past and I can see why from what you have told us.
I would send him a text message or what's app to say it's over and tell him not to contact you again. I would block him on your phone, social media ect. If he contacts you again I would ring the police. If he says he is going to end things ring 999 and say what he has said to you because they can deal with him.

Your better off to be on your own that dealing with a man like him.

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