To feel like my boyfriend relies on my for his emotional needs

[cleverlemon]

My boyfriend and I have been together for many years. But recently I fell like he is using me to entertain his emotional needs and I'm finding it very overwhelming.

He is going through some pretty bad staff and I have always been there for him but as he practically used to thrown back in my face I've taken a back seat. But recently, he has been calling me every day, which is fine, but when I hang up the phone on him and call one of my friends- he would realise that I'm talking to them as my phone does a beeping sound (on the other line) to let the person know that the call is engaged, but my boyfriend would ring ring ring ring which puts me on edge as I'm not able to fully comprehended what my friend is saying on the phone as my phone keeps beeping. When I finish my phone call my boyfriend would hang up and say "Who are you on the phone to? You were on the phone for an hour,, I wish I could speak to you for an hour! You treat your friends better than me.. I bet your cheating..."

When he gets like this. It puts me off so occasionally I do ignore his calls when he phones.

So, I try and see him every week, sometimes it's difficult as I suffer from a health condition and have to attend appointments and I have a young child. But I haven't recently seen him for the past few weeks as I've had a lot of health scares. But anyway, I work 4 days a week and have one day off, on those days my boyfriend would call me as soon as I dropped off my child to school in the morning and would entice me to see him on that day. I know it's pretty bad but sometimes I just want a day to myself, I just want to relax and not go out anywhere and as I spend my days in and out of appointments I just want to relax, on some of my days off. I tell me BF this but he gets very upset, he tells me that he is going through a lot right now and all he wants is my company- someone to talk to and for me to see him. When I do tell him that I'm sorry we meet next week, he tells me that his just going to jump out of the window, and recently he showed me a picture that he has cut his wrists (his going through a mental
Health crisis). I just don't know what to do as I'm finding it a bit much. This happened today and now he has been calling me numerous times on a private number.

Hopefully he'll have such a long wait in A&E he'll bleed out and die.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

(I don't believe this is real, btw)

He sounds very controlling. Run!

This is EXACTLY what I think......so often🙄, but don't post...#respect 👍

What do you love about him?

Go to the police. He's frightening you and this is not acceptable.

I think most people would want to see their boyfriend on their days off yes. That you don’t is telling, this relationship is rubbish and after your last update of course you need to dump him.

When I finish my phone call my boyfriend would hang up and say "Who are you on the phone to? You were on the phone for an hour,, I wish I could speak to you for an hour! You treat your friends better than me.. I bet your cheating..."

I know it's easy for a stranger to just say LTB but honestly, don't accept this kind of treatment from anyone in your life, never mind someone who is supposed to love and respect you.

he tells me that his just going to jump out of the window

Oh, lovely, this is text book manipulation. Don't let him control you in this way.

Take it from someone who did fall for one like this. They never, ever do it and when you finally get away, you will be astonished by how quickly they find someone else to control and manipulate.

The sooner you get rid of this one, the sooner your life is going to start getting better and better.

Get rid of this horrible little prick. Call the police if he continues to harass you.

I feel bad because he has been begging to see me. He has been getting really upset about this and keeps accusing me of cheating.

Dump him and block him. You’ve asked for advice and it’s been unanimous. I don’t know what else you want us to say.

you could text him that it’s over then block him. it will take 30 seconds. Why should you put up with this for a minute longer?

He is attempting to control you with guilt and threats. He does not want you to speak with your friends. He is choosing to do this.

He is a nasty manipulative piece of work and it is not up to you to be his emotional ( or inevitably, if you continue, physical) punchbag.

He shouldn’t be anywhere near you and never near your child. Block him please OP. You’ll feel better I promise.

Yes, not one positive message. Should tell you something. Doesn’t matter if there are good bits.

He is abusive. Accusing her of cheating if he doesn’t do as she wants, answer when he calls even though she is busy is abusive.

The manipulation where op believes she can not leave him, is abusive.

people are giving sage as advice. The advice being to finish the relationship.

Relationships do not require sacrifice at all. They certainly don’t require for one party to be abused.

Some of us have been here for all OP's threads.

He kicked her, hard, in the back.

Still think she should stay with him?

He punishes her and shouts at her if she doesn't want to have sex with him, for example if she's on her period.

Still think she should stay with him?

I'd be interested in your thoughts.

You ok hun?

How can you not know what to do?

He's told you he's going to "smack you up"

• obviously you dump him immediately and block.

The end.

As soon as he threatened to beat you up all obligation to him ends - once he tells you he believes he has the right to beat you up it doesn't matter one bit that he's having a hard time (there's nothing that justifies what he said - no decent person would threaten to "smack you up").

He's made himself Not Your Responsibility with that text. Its over - if you can't end it for yourself do so for your child, who will be seriously damaged psychologically if he or she sees you getting beaten up by your "boyfriend".

Because when you have a child to think about, you don't indulge or put up with this sort of shit from a man. You don't do councelling with this type of man l. You tell them to go away, block them and ring the police if they carry on harrassing you.

Would you feel the same way about her and the situation, if she in fact was an abusing and manipulating him 10x as much?

If she did the same as him, kicked his back (even once) or coerced him to have sex through guilt, then I would say she was abusive and he needed to absolutely cease all contact with her.

Why do you think we wouldn't say that? Is it because as a man you assume people are giving advice biased towards women?

Two people can be abusive. There is however no indication that this OP has been so people have replied accordingly.

The forum wouldn't serve any purpose if everyone assumed that every OP was lying before replying...

please be a little more concerned for this relationship. The lady is sick and has a child. Please.

We're concerned about this relationship. In that it's abusive and needs to end. Ending it is even more necessary because OP has a child and is sick.

When you have a child, going to counselling to try to fix a relationship with a man who has physically assaulted you and coerced you into sex is not just foolish, it's completely irresponsible.

He isn't the child's father, they don't share a home, they have no shared finances and they meet once a month in a hotel where he expects her to have sex and emotionally blackmails (sexual coercion) her at best and physically assaults her (kicking her hard in the back) at worst if she doesn't want to or can't have sex.

Why do you think that sounds like a relationship a single mum should try to maintain?

Suggesting an abuse victim goes to counselling is not compassion. It’s absolutely abhorrent.

Theres a reason that counselling is a massive no no when there’s abuse. It’s because abusers, use counselling to further abuse their victim.

Advising an abuse victim to enter a situation that opens them up to further abuse, is not compassionate. It’s vile.

@Tapestrydigger

Some quotes from OP:

When I finish my phone call my boyfriend would hang up and say "Who are you on the phone to? You were on the phone for an hour,, I wish I could speak to you for an hour! You treat your friends better than me.. I bet your cheating..."

I'm going to smack you up. Your a dummy, I don't have time for dummys'.

He keeps on calling and calling. If I switch off my phone this angers him. He texted me to say that I need to pick up my phone to him and not ignore him.

As mentioned, on other threads OP shared that he kicked her hard in the back when she didn't want to have sex with him during her period.

On this thread alone, she's shared that he is coercively controlling as he doesn't want her to speak to her friends and family on the phone or spend time with them.

He's called her stupid.

And crucially, having already assaulted her once he's threatened to in his words "smack her up".

Do you still think she should continue the relationship?

Do you think any woman, especially one with a child they should prioritise, should stay with a man who has assaulted them once and is now threatening outright to do so again?

Why do you think women should sacrifice their personal safety, and risk the safety of their children, for a man? In this case a man who isn't the father, isn't a husband and meets OP once a month for sex in a hotel?

Now you've had more information about the OP and this bloke maybe you can concede that she does indeed need to stop all contact with him and end the relationship?

Hello op. I'm sorry you are going through this. He does sound awful, as everyone is saying, he isn't bringing you much joy or laughter and is instead filling your head with thoughts about him, confusion and stress. This will wear you out, make you depressed and be in a mental health state that becomes very difficult to get out of.

Obviously this will impact your work and more importantly your child.
He is clearly basically a manipulative and a nasty piece of selfishness. He may be nice sometimes to reel you back in, but that is what he is.
Please do as the other PPS suggest, block and delete. It doesn't matter if he is having a hard time, people like him always will have and they will always blame everyone else except themselves.
Good luck. Please call a friend or woman's aid to help if you need help, but really do dump him xxxxx

"there's always law enforcement if things get particularly bad"
Well that's all ok then isn't it? Just stay with someone who threatens and assaults you and if it gets really bad it's ok, you can call the police.
OP get out of there. You aren't safe with him.