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Original poster

He's not interested, is he?

112 replies

talktalk12 · 07/10/2022 12:00

I am posting a new thread for traffic

I went on a second date with a guy last Tuesday. It was fun, he said he had a nice time, and he made a passing remark when paying for the bill that I can get the next drinks. We have been in touch most days since then. He was taking a day to come back to me, as he was away for work earlier in the week, but we have averaged a message back and forth once a day. That's fine. I felt a bit sad and frustrated (see my thread below), but I kinda came to understand, as I often travel for work and have a demanding job too. He got back the other day, said his trip was brutal, and his messages have been longer, and more engaging, and he asked for some photos of me from an event I went to. But he hasn't asked me out again. It's hard to know if he's interested or not. My gut tells me no, but I wonder if he's just busy? I don't want to ask him as I asked about the second date. It's Friday - I was hoping he would have asked me out by now for the weekend.

My previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4647459-dating-new-guy

OP posts:
Dyawannafeelhowitfeels · 07/10/2022 18:33

Ah I suppose that is sensible OP.

Personally I’d go through your likes and find someone more communicative…

HandbagAtDawn · 07/10/2022 18:46

He literally told you from the outset that he's crap at dating. You shouldn't be surprised now that he's crap at dating.

That's what people mean when they say 'listen when someone tells you who they are'. It might sound like a throwaway self-deprecating comment, but people leak little bits of information about themselves in those comments. Pay attention.

The next time a man tells you he's crap at dating, take him at his word and say 'well I'm looking for someone who's good at dating' and then throw him back.

In the meantime, if this guy hasn't asked what you're up to this weekend by this time on a Friday night, then his lack of even the politest curiosity is actually insulting at this point. Bin him off and don't let him waste any more of your time or energy.

Original poster
talktalk12 · 07/10/2022 19:07

HandbagAtDawn he was so keen, I thought he was being self deprecating, along with the little interest he gets.

Still no reply. Unless he asks me out, I won’t respond to whatever he sends back.

OP posts:
PhillyJoe · 07/10/2022 19:28

HandbagAtDawn · 07/10/2022 18:46

He literally told you from the outset that he's crap at dating. You shouldn't be surprised now that he's crap at dating.

That's what people mean when they say 'listen when someone tells you who they are'. It might sound like a throwaway self-deprecating comment, but people leak little bits of information about themselves in those comments. Pay attention.

The next time a man tells you he's crap at dating, take him at his word and say 'well I'm looking for someone who's good at dating' and then throw him back.

In the meantime, if this guy hasn't asked what you're up to this weekend by this time on a Friday night, then his lack of even the politest curiosity is actually insulting at this point. Bin him off and don't let him waste any more of your time or energy.

All of this!

All of this is part of him too, not just the things you think you like. You do not like how this man communicates. It makes you anxious.It’s making me anxious. Maybe you could game play into a relationship but why on earth would you want to?

Original poster
talktalk12 · 07/10/2022 19:54

PhillyJoe no you’re right I need to get a handle on it. It’s ever since the second date I’ve felt anxious. Before I didn’t care if we met or not, even after the first date. The reason he was so excited to meet me was because I’m ten years younger, attractive and a catch for him certainly. Especially considering he says he doesn’t get much interest. I need to remember this and my standard which he simply hasn’t wanted to meet. That’s fine. That’s his choice. It’s no longer mine.

OP posts:
Original poster
talktalk12 · 07/10/2022 19:56

Five hours later on a Friday night. He hasn’t read my msg. He hasn’t replied. No idea what he’s doing this weekend. He hasn’t asked about mine.

There is no doubt left now.

OP posts:
Purpledaze77 · 07/10/2022 20:02

He’s probably on a date op.
keep trying, it’s exhausting but you don’t want someone like this seriously. You might miss the person you want, wasting time on this guy

Original poster
talktalk12 · 07/10/2022 20:03

Purpledaze77 yeah maybe although he said he only gets one hit a month on the dating app at best 😂 I can’t bring myself to wade through thousands more likes…online dating is awful!

OP posts:
mysteryobtuse · 07/10/2022 20:07

talktalk12 · 07/10/2022 20:03

Purpledaze77 yeah maybe although he said he only gets one hit a month on the dating app at best 😂 I can’t bring myself to wade through thousands more likes…online dating is awful!

Doesn’t really matter what he said, people lie. Suits him to paint himself as not speaking to anyone else so he can keep doing what he wants and blame a busy schedule.

Original poster
talktalk12 · 07/10/2022 20:09

mysteryobtuse ultimately it’s his business and people aren’t exclusive until they agree after dating for a while.

if I had more time, I’d be wading through the thousands of likes waiting for me…and going on more dates. But my job is demanding and I don’t have much free time at all. Maybe in a few weeks when things calm down.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 07/10/2022 20:32

Be ready, he may well pop back up tomorrow, probably making some excuse like he fell asleep last night, if his date wasn’t as good as he’d hoped.

Either way, if he was into you enough he’d get back to you quickly wherever he was for work. He’s not the one.

Original poster
talktalk12 · 07/10/2022 20:35

Honeyroar yeah I’m done now

OP posts:
Original poster
talktalk12 · 07/10/2022 20:40

Honeyroar
Oh he will reply
He always does

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 07/10/2022 20:45

I remember your other thread.

My advice would be…find other people to date, I find if I date more than one person at a time when one finishes or messes me around it doesn’t hurt as much (as I have a back up…or 2).

online dating is brutal, your meeting complete strangers and chances are it’s not going to work out. They will be dating others too. Also it’s very hard to tell someone you don’t want to take things further, guys are wimps (and women too) so they tend to just vanish or back away slowly.

Original poster
talktalk12 · 07/10/2022 20:48

Lovemusic33 I deliberately sent a few boring msgs to him with no questions yesterday and he came back with questions and smiley faces today. Why is he bothering if he has no intention of asking me out? It’s odd. I throw him a prompt and nearly 6 hours on nothing. I’m sure he will reply later or tomorrow. I just can’t be bothered anymore.

OP posts:
PhillyJoe · 07/10/2022 20:54

Honestly I dated someone who interacted like this, maybe a bit more engaged at this point in dating but it just continued on the same until I called it quits after a few months. He was certainly interested but not enough. Stop trying to figure out if he likes you and think about what this makes you feel. You don’t know him well enough to like him and he isn’t making you feel good. You are hooked on the promise not him.

Original poster
talktalk12 · 07/10/2022 20:56

PhillyJoe Exactly. I wish I had stuck to my guns when I said let’s not bother meeting initially but he literally pleaded with me and told me I wouldn’t regret giving him a second chance 🤷‍♀️ yeah look at how this turned out 😂

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 07/10/2022 21:02

talktalk12 · 07/10/2022 20:48

Lovemusic33 I deliberately sent a few boring msgs to him with no questions yesterday and he came back with questions and smiley faces today. Why is he bothering if he has no intention of asking me out? It’s odd. I throw him a prompt and nearly 6 hours on nothing. I’m sure he will reply later or tomorrow. I just can’t be bothered anymore.

I dated someone like this, drove me nuts, he still messages me now from time to time but rarely asks to meet and when we do meet he’s lovely and talks about things we can do together, places he wants to take me but then nothing (just general chit chat). I started dating others to stop me pulling my hair out about him. I really don’t understand what goes through their heads but I do think ‘if they are truly interested they will be much keener to arrange another date’.

Original poster
talktalk12 · 07/10/2022 21:04

Lovemusic33 with your guy I suspect he just liked having you there. An ego thing? Bizarre!

OP posts:
ScabbyHorse · 07/10/2022 21:58

I really don't think he's interested, sorry. I had one like this, it gave me really low self worth.

:( You deserve much better.

Narwhalelife · 07/10/2022 22:13

No idea why, but I am seriously invested in this and need to know if he ever replies and what with so please update up OP 😂

Original poster
talktalk12 · 07/10/2022 22:19

Narwhalelife Haha thanks for your interest, but please don’t be invested, I am bored beyond belief with it all. He will reply - we usually take a day or so to go back to each other. So he will come back tomorrow.

He will simply respond with something generic and be polite, or he may just decide to bring it to an end, as I have prompted him by saying I can chat to him offline about something he asked.

Either way, this is going nowhere. But I can update you 😂

OP posts:
Narwhalelife · 07/10/2022 22:37

@talktalk12 hahahah now I have just realised how boring I am - I am also waiting on a reply on a text though ( abit more risky!) so maybe I am in solidarity and curiosity of the reply 😂

*still want to know though 😂😂

Original poster
talktalk12 · 07/10/2022 22:41

Oh? Do share if you want to Narwhalelife 😂

OP posts:
CarbsAreNotMyFriend · 07/10/2022 22:50

My friend had an almost identical experience with a guy she was chatting to online. Constant hit and cold, lots of really keen, flirty messages but with long gaps in between, and zero attempt to meet up. Plus body-swerving her attempts to meet up.

She had started to like him but like you, realised pretty quickly that he had no intention of following through with anything serious. So she said goodbye and told him she liked him but he had to work on his follow-through!

Good luck, online dating is a hard slog, but don't give up!