Dating thread 234 ... spooky times ahead

[BelladiMamma]

New thread!

Could someone else please copy and paste the rules ...?

6'5" @Mila14 that is tall!

He sounds like a good man it will be interesting to find out what he's like irl.

Good for you for holding off on the textuals. It's hard not to but can be so regrettable when you've built up an online repertoire then the actual human isn't your cup of tea.

MrCurly had been very texty through the week since our heady and wonderful first date so there's a good lesson to be learnt there (re-learned tbh but it's been about four years since last realised). A great first date is great but it doesn't mean that subsequent early dates won't be as great and don't indicate a definite so staying cool and not over texty or invested the wise way to go.

How very odd @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss but sounds like my Mr city - 2 amazing dates then nothing 🤷‍♀️ your plan sounds good to me though as its not great heading out into the cold and wet for what might end up being a pointless date

Literally nothing @Slothmomma from MrCity after two great dates? You never heard from him again? Did you nudge?

I won't be doing so as my gut is definitely telling me something here. If he gets in touch for a Date3 I'll go but won't be chasing him. I just can't be arsed and it never works out. If they aren't feeling it or into it then that's very much their perogative and it's a case of 'Thank U Next' for us.

What are todays thoughts on MrMedic? Any plans for another go?

I also feel acutely self-conscious telling my teens I'm going 'out' when the weather is dark/windy/inclement and they know I'm off to meet middle aged strangers. It feels like a bad example which isn't the case in long summery evenings.

Im actually excited by all the sorting, life admin and music I'll learn

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss we stayed in touch for a bit but haven't heard for weeks now - he has been travelling all over world though so I'm probably last thing on his mind 😅

I've got a date with Mr medic tomorrow night. Just a drink locally before he heads off for half term break. We won't get to spend any "quality time" together for a while now as I've got the kids for next few weekends as covering for ex

Oh poo. I've had a cancellation for a thing on Thursday which leaves me with a spare ticket for a thing MrCurly would love and he said he was free on Thursday for a date3.

I'll ding him casually on Wed if he's not been in touch or maybe I can entice a teen to go with me.
Bum.

Slothmomma

that’s nice , as I know quality time wasn’t exactly as plannned

a night out with no pressure might be just the ticket - and build relationship etc

Hi everyone I've been quietly reflecting on things this week. Today I've had this overwhelming sadness wash over me and I'm really missing exp 🙄

Do you think this means I'm not ready to put myself out there again yet?

How long were you together @winniewitchy ? How long have your been split? Why did you split and so you have kids together?

Reflection is good. So is meeting new people. But if you can't be arsed then it's ok to stay away from dating. It doesn't necessarily mean you 'aren't ready' just want some time to reflect. This feeling will probably pass.

We were only together 18 months and only split at the start of September. No kids together. Had zero contact with him and a lot of his stuff is still here in my house.

Feels like I'm in some kind of limbo. I don't even think it's him I'm sad about but the future we talked about

Gosh that is very new and quite a long romance. I'm sorry. It is early days. It will get better. Some say getting under a new fella can help you get over the last but it's not for everyone.

🤣🤣I'm not short on offers of sex, one day I might want just that again. I'm quite an anxious person and it's knocked me a bit. Saying that I've been ok for weeks until today.

I don't know I'm trying to spend time on myself and not define my worth as being in a relationship. But that is what I want, I'm 41 now and it just all feels hopeless

Sorry, @winniewitchy. Breaking up sucks. Even when you know it's for the best.

@NoDatingForOldMen, I did not manage to capture a wild man at the Tate Britain but I did exchange fleeting glances with a handsome stranger who looked like he was possibly thinking of maybe trying to work up the courage to consider approaching me.

Or maybe he was just hovering to get a better view of a piece I was blocking with my cape.

He was a very good specimen -- weathered, arty, slightly awkward, just the way I like them. Good jacket & shoes. Slightly disheveled. Goes to museums by himself.

Perhaps I should have tried to lasso him with the end of the mile of rope Cornelia Parker used to wrap the Rodin?

But I was seeing the exhibition with a friend so I didn't try very hard to entice contact. Sisters before museum misters. ALWAYS.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss, mixed messages are soooo frustrating.

I hope he's not one of those men who send them on purpose to confuse us.

@winniewitchy …please don’t worry. You are still young and will meet someone nice. Many of us here are divorced with older kids and not wanting to live with a man anymore!! There are nice men out there for you but you need to take your time or perhaps date slowly next. It’s ok to miss your ex and to have bad days 😊

Send him a message Oncey , you both might enjoy date 3!

I started swiping again. Despite deleting the apps earlier. If only to find some interesting men to chat to. It's helpful when feeling rejected to remember that there's many more people who might be good fun

It reminds me of that brilliant Tim Minchin song

@DoomsdayPrep sounds like you found the elusive man in the wild, no sudden movements or you will scare them off, you need to make sure you have some treats in your pocket to tempt one out, some custard creams maybe.

Personally I’m more Greg’s Sausage Roll than Tate Britain, not sure what Sherlock would say, something like Elementary my dear Doomsday

Thank you, your replies mean a lot.

Out of interest how far do you set your preferences to? I live an hour away from any cities which I think could be an issue when dating online

winniewitchy

its totally natural to be sad and miss the future
and it ebbs and flows

the distance one is tricky . do you want to have hourly drives to meet , are you ever in those placed for work and stuff

id set it wide and see what comes up

the fact you arnt thinking of ex is a good sign and means you might be ready!

Oncey…don’t feel rejected. I think the idea here is that people are not suited. I think it’s better to close the door early ish if things don’t feel right. You are lovely, attractive and sorted, there are nice guys out there too
I think it’s fun browsing and swiping whenever you want to.

I think location is a really interesting topic, I’m rural (which I like), but it’s really limiting for meeting ppl,
I normally put 60 miles , but that brings ppl in from locations I’m not interested in going to, and in my location it was the same old faces

i do feel quite jealous of the ppl who live in densely populated area as they seem to get matches and chats & irons so easily, I did meet these 2 little fellas, but they didn’t really have much to say

NoDatingForOldMen

im in a large city (you might guess which one)

the opposite issue , esp with sex ikea (aka tinder) you get soooooo much choice

so faced with hundreds , you get 🤯

its strangely depressing

It's easy to say to others @Mila14 and less easy to feel ambivalent when you've invested time, humour, swapped pheromones and been a bit touchy.

But I am. Just about. Assuming I'll never hear from Curly again for reasons unknown to me he's decided as you say I'm not a good match to him. He did disclose he's in a terrible dark place right now with terrible finances, small kid care, working every hour there is in the day. I'm not so maybe he felt his time constraints etc doesn't work with me.
Who knows. As you can see I'm trying to be 'whatever' but my mind and emotions find it less easy. Time will help. This time next week I'll have forgotten he exists (if he hasn't been in touch and I don't invite him to the Thursday thing)

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

i think it’s hard as you have got somewhat emotionally invested in two men in a very short timeframe

I’m not saying that critically at all !!! But first art and now curly

so your bruised , understandably
you are also being very hard on yourself and assuming you are the issue , which isn’t good

IF this is so , my prescription would be to

freeze apps effective NOW
hang out with friends that make you smile
exervise
and do some self love shit

never do the apps when bruised
it’s a recipe for disaster xx

you will bounce back , we all do