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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Girl asking for second date?

111 replies

fe05ome · 06/10/2022 09:29

I had a good first date this week!! I was pleasantly surprised.
He took me to a rooftop bar, then we grabbed food and then went to one more bar before I headed home.

He was so lovely, we actually laughed a lot throughout and he was very kind (insisted he paid, waited for my train with me, bought me a bottle of coke for my journey haha).

He mentioned that he might be down near my way again next week if I wanted to do something, but nothing concrete was planned. He also asked if I’d had a good evening, I said yes and asked him, and he said it in a tone of like “yeah?! Absolutely”. Had a few good old smooches at the end too haha!

I texted him after saying i had a really nice evening, and he said he was glad and felt the same.

This was on Tuesday and we’ve been texting a bit since. Problem is he is quite dry and blunt on text, but surely him texting is a good sign. He’s not very flirty on text. Nothing has been said about meeting again yet.

Do men like it if the girl initiates the next date? I want to just say I’d like to see him again and let’s arrange the next one, but I feel like if he hasn’t done it it might not be interested?

OP posts:
Sirius3030 · 06/10/2022 09:30

Just do it. What do you have to lose?

Vapeyvapevape · 06/10/2022 09:31

Yes ask him outright, this isn't the 1940's !

HotChocolateWithMarshmallows · 06/10/2022 09:32

Yes ask him! You'll soon know either way which is better than being in limbo :)

JoanCandy · 06/10/2022 09:34

Go for it ! Then you’ll know.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 06/10/2022 09:35

Men aren't one homogeneous group? With kindness, maybe ditch ideas about what "men like" or "men don't like" and focus on what this one man likes/doesn't like because guaranteed it will be unique to him as an individual. :) And the only way to find out if this one man likes it when this one woman asks him out is by trying it and seeing what happens. And if you're a person who asks people out and he's someone who doesn't like that, you're not compatible so it's good to find this out early on.

Tsort · 06/10/2022 09:35

How old are you, OP? You’re presumably a grown woman, not a ‘girl’? So perhaps refer to yourself (and act) as such.

‘Fancy grabbing a drink this weekend?’

BiscuitLover3678 · 06/10/2022 09:35

Do it. If he says no or is weird then HE’S the d* for leading you on.

JorisBonson · 06/10/2022 09:35

Are you from the past? Just ask him.

Musicaltheatremum · 06/10/2022 09:36

My husband says yes do it. He liked when women made another move. He said he hated having always to do the chasing as it made him feel the woman wasn't interested. I was going to ask him for a date first when we started texting on Tinder but he got in first!! It was only message 4 or 5 in but we were both of the opinion meet quickly and have a coffee first and see how it goes. None of this weeks of texting.

Greybutterfly · 06/10/2022 09:45

Do it … worst case he makes an excuse not to go and you know he is not the one

Pineappleskies · 06/10/2022 09:48

I would say wait for him to ask. He's asked you for the first one and been fairly traditional. He will ask, I think.

I don't think its a terrible idea to ask him but you've made your enthusiasm clear and then from dates 3 to 4 you could suggest things.

RandomMusings7 · 06/10/2022 09:51

Feminist progressive idealistic me would say go for it, why not take a proactive role in dating?

Jaded me who's spent the better part of my late 20s navigating hundreds of OLD dates would say that out in the real world 9 times out of 10 interested men take the lead and make dates happen. They don't wait around for you to set it up, expecially since you've already expressed interest and he knows he has the green light. If he hasn't made any concrete plans to see you again it's because he's not all that into you and treating you like an option while probably dating others. Ask him out if you will, but it will not make him appreciate you more and it creates a precedent where he gets away with low effort and investment.

Watchkeys · 06/10/2022 10:02

Do men like it if the girl initiates the next date

It's hard to say, given that they're all different, surely you can see this?

Why are you referring to women as 'girls', what's that about? Why are they 'men' and women are 'girls'?

Rather than wondering if you're lucky enough for this one man to like you enough to deign to see you again, why not work out if you like his dry, blunt messages? How do they make girls feel?

thefartingfish · 06/10/2022 10:05

Do men like it if the girl initiates the next date

Yes, shows initiative and the girl is willing to invest more time/energy pursuing this. Men do get fed up making all the effort.

Watchkeys · 06/10/2022 10:08

thefartingfish · 06/10/2022 10:05

Do men like it if the girl initiates the next date

Yes, shows initiative and the girl is willing to invest more time/energy pursuing this. Men do get fed up making all the effort.

Except for the men who like making the effort. How do you know which one OP's date is? Have you asked him?

These 'general' statements about 'men'... How do women feel when they get told what 'women' like and don't like? Is it really ok to generalise like this?

thefartingfish · 06/10/2022 10:29

Except for the men who like making the effort. How do you know which one OP's date is? Have you asked him?

No but I read this bit OP wrote. Usually provides a clue, which to summarise indicates they had a good date, tentative plans were made but nothing concrete. Of course OP could just sit back and risk letting this pass on by or could actually try and suggest something. At least if he says no she can move on Hmm

*He mentioned that he might be down near my way again next week if I wanted to do something, but nothing concrete was planned. He also asked if I’d had a good evening, I said yes and asked him, and he said it in a tone of like “yeah?! Absolutely”. Had a few good old smooches at the end too haha!

I texted him after saying i had a really nice evening, and he said he was glad and felt the same.

This was on Tuesday and we’ve been texting a bit since. Problem is he is quite dry and blunt on text, but surely him texting is a good sign. He’s not very flirty on text. Nothing has been said about meeting again yet.*

altmember · 06/10/2022 10:33

Men are terrified of rejection, it's a part of nature. So the vast majority would be absolutely fine with a woman taking the lead with suggesting a date. Especially so for a second date, where the fear of rejection can be even higher.

I would actually go so far as to say a man taking issue with a woman asking him for a date is a massive red flag. Either he's stuck in the dark ages, or he can't stand not being in total control.

Also: He mentioned that he might be down near my way again next week if I wanted to do something, but nothing concrete was planned.

To me, that sounds like he's already suggested a second date, and casually put the ball in your court to take up that invitation. All you've got to do is ask him if he is indeed down your way again and you've steered the conversation that way without you even going as far as asking for a second date either.

Original poster
fe05ome · 06/10/2022 10:45

I’m just nervous!!! Like maybe him not texting quite as much and not overly excitably is his way of doing a slow fade lol

OP posts:
Octomore · 06/10/2022 10:57

Just do it.

Any man whose masculinity/ego is so fragile that he can't cope with being asked out by a woman is a loser, and not worth a second of your time.

Octomore · 06/10/2022 10:58

Just do it.

Any man whose masculinity/ego is so fragile that he can't cope with being asked out by a woman is a loser, and not worth a second of your time.

RiftGibbon · 06/10/2022 11:02

Life's too short.
if hes going to be around your way soon, just ask if he fancies meeting up again. Be specific in as much as, (e.g.) Saturday.
He can either suggest a time, reschedule for a convenient day or ignore/decline.

Doggiedoodoos · 06/10/2022 11:10

Do it. His answer can go either way but at least you will know. Best of luck.

Original poster
fe05ome · 06/10/2022 11:12

He’s just like not really making conversation, like I’m trying and he will reply but that’s about it. I’m someone who’s also terrified of rejection and want to see a sign he’s interested first :(
but thank you all and I think I will give it a go later!!

OP posts:
RandomMusings7 · 06/10/2022 11:19

fe05ome · 06/10/2022 11:12

He’s just like not really making conversation, like I’m trying and he will reply but that’s about it. I’m someone who’s also terrified of rejection and want to see a sign he’s interested first :(
but thank you all and I think I will give it a go later!!

Sorry OP, that's a really bad sign. He's obviously not as excited as you are and it's probably going to fade out.

When he liked you, you will know. When he doesn't, you'll be confused.

if you feel like one date in you already have to go out of your way to keep his interest... he's not the one.

RandomMusings7 · 06/10/2022 11:20

*likes, not liked