Girl asking for second date?

[fe05ome]

I had a good first date this week!! I was pleasantly surprised.
He took me to a rooftop bar, then we grabbed food and then went to one more bar before I headed home.

He was so lovely, we actually laughed a lot throughout and he was very kind (insisted he paid, waited for my train with me, bought me a bottle of coke for my journey haha).

He mentioned that he might be down near my way again next week if I wanted to do something, but nothing concrete was planned. He also asked if I’d had a good evening, I said yes and asked him, and he said it in a tone of like “yeah?! Absolutely”. Had a few good old smooches at the end too haha!

I texted him after saying i had a really nice evening, and he said he was glad and felt the same.

This was on Tuesday and we’ve been texting a bit since. Problem is he is quite dry and blunt on text, but surely him texting is a good sign. He’s not very flirty on text. Nothing has been said about meeting again yet.

Do men like it if the girl initiates the next date? I want to just say I’d like to see him again and let’s arrange the next one, but I feel like if he hasn’t done it it might not be interested?

You have to realise something very important.

If a man likes you, he does not give you a chance to find someone else.

If he wants to do something else with you he won't be ambiguous.

Leave it, and match his energy; he's not keeping the conversation going? Leave it and see what he comes back with.

So he didn't end up with any of the women who asked him, and he did end up with the woman he asked first?

I think you need to deal with your fear of rejection before it results in you making unhelpful decisions.

Yes, probably.

If you pull back now that will show him you aren't going to just wait around and that if he was thinking about acting, to do it now.

If he wasn't thinking about acting he will fade.

Either way you pursuing him will not get him to be more keen, only less.

Do it. Good luck.

Yes, of course:).

I said hello to my husband online 1st. We've been married for 17 years. Our son is 15.

Technically I think asking for a date is fine.

However realistically in my experience if a man is keen, the man will make damn sure he asks for a second date asap.

This!

He said he might be up your way this week so could be waiting to find out if that's definite.

If his texting style has changed that's a much bigger flag to me.

I asked my husband out for a drink, against a a few of my friends advise, been married 9 years and have a 10 year old DD - you should go for it, you never where it will lead!

You're frightened of being rejected, but what about him? He might be thinking the same.

This is 2022 not 1950. Men and women (not girls, you're a woman if you're over 18) are equals. That means taking equal control in their own lives, making decisions, taking risks, saying what they want. If you want to end up in an equal relationship, act like it from date 1. You aren't a princess in a tower waiting to be rescued, or a 50's housewife who needs the man to spend all the money while she makes herself pretty (presumably!)

Just ask. What's to lose?

OP, please read all the other posts asking the same thing. The answer is no don't ask him and move on. Interested men are NOT shy and they ask straight away. Some literally won't let you leave the first date without having a firm dAte for the second. He's not interested

Just ask. What's to lose?

Her time. Her dignity if she gets used and strung along until he finds someone better. The answer when a date acts ambivalent and disinterested is definitely not to serve yourself up on a platter to them.

I agree with you pursuing him will not get him to be more keen only less.

I had a similar situation (but not met the man) this summer. For whatever reason I couldn't meet up, I think 2-3 times. He couldn't meet up once when he'd arranged it as he was really hungover. I then got really keen on him and pursued him and of course I think he was wondering if I was playing games or not. I'll now probably try one last time to meet and then leave it.

I do think with most interested men, they'll make their interest shown immediately or almost immediately and will ask for another date.

I'd be slightly concerned re his texting style too but some men and women aren't that great at conversations via text and prefer things to be in person.

He's not making conversation and just replying to you, he's not asked yet. Sorry to sound sceptical but if he he was keen, He'd be asking questions, making it easy to naturally bring up a date, I don't think it matters who asks but it doesn't sound like he's being that approachable.

Also from what he's texted he's not that logistically close to you OP. Didn't he mention that he 'might be down your way' perhaps distance is an issue for him.

You don't 'lose' time if you date someone you like dating. You don't lose dignity if someone dates you and then leaves you for someone else.

If you enjoy the time, and don't count someone else's opinion of you as 'your dignity', there's nothing to lose.

He’s just like not really making conversation

How does that feel, to you, @fe05ome ? Do you love it or does it make you anxious? Whatever it makes you feel is what he's offering you, for the portions of time between your dates. This is how he does it. If you don't like it, don't get involved, and certainly don't chase.

You haven't done much dating, have you?

When you are dating someone who is not matching your effort and interest and is giving mixed signals it is such an anxious and soulsucking experience. You're caught up in a hot and cold cycle, getting your hopes up and then having them squashed. Trying to figure out whether he likes you or not, bending over backwards to keep him interested. There is not much enjoyment in this. Not much dignity either.

Once you've been on the market for some time, it becomes quite obvious fairly early on when someone treats you as an option among many, not as someone special.

When a guy is interested they try to snatch you up. They find the time. They initiate conversation. They don't give you one word answers. They follow up on plans.

The shy insecure dude who is waiting for the woman to all but wave a green flag for him before he decides to pursue is so rare that it's almost a myth.

When you pursue half-assed men you end up used and discarded when they get bored or find someone else. Stuck in endless situationships with no commitment. Wasting months and years and losing faith in relationships.

That doesn't go with the go-getter feminist mentality, but that doesn't make it any less true.

How old are you, OP?

@RandomMusings7 100% this - I think only experienced daters should give advice. I have NEVER asked for a second date, the interested ones asked during the date (with day and time and they often already had a restaurant in mind) or within an hour. Those who didn't ask within two hours were blocked (I followed female dating strategy and it served me very well, found a gem of a man who's going to propose soon)

You haven't done much dating, have you?
When you are dating someone who is not matching your effort and interest and is giving mixed signals it is such an anxious and soulsucking experience

I've done enough. But you know best about men, right? What makes you think that? Met them all?

You've listed a bunch of situations I didn't mention, and are correcting me on them. I'd stay away from all those men. Sounds like I learned the lesson earlier than you did, you poor thing. Must have been hell for you trying to develop relationships with all those men who didn't want you.

OP, sometimes men initiate, sometimes women do. If his communications with you feel good, keep dating him. If they feel bad, stop. That'll save you getting stuck 'on the market' as some others have suffered.

I have NEVER asked for a second date

And yet many women in happy, successful relationships have.

People are speaking as if their own experience is universal. It isn't. A woman asking for a date isn't a sign that a man isn't interested. A healthy relationship is an ongoing conversation. It's not 'up to men' to lead the way anymore. It's up to both parties to ensure, for themselves, that they're getting what they want.

We're not in the 50s. Women don't have to wait to be asked. Women are in charge. Some will want him to ask, some will want to ask, themselves. All fine. All healthy. Equality. If you want an equal relationship, you can't start it by imposing a gender divide. Put him in charge of asking, and you may well end up with a man who thinks he's in charge, and that you want him to be.

@Watchkeys you OK there sweetie? No need to get this catty. I'm just looking out for OP, but I guess I'll bow out now.

@Watchkeys have you met someone while OLD? I have and he's successful, empathic and he loves me so much. I have had about 200 dates, I had 3600 matches and conversations (some very brief) so yes I know LOTS of men. I followed female dating strategy to the letter and I met a very very very "high value man" (in the FDS definition although he's also very wealthy but then I'm very wealthy too as I'm a managing director in an investment bank)

So patronising, sweetie.