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Relationships

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Original poster

Girl asking for second date?

111 replies

fe05ome · 06/10/2022 09:29

I had a good first date this week!! I was pleasantly surprised.
He took me to a rooftop bar, then we grabbed food and then went to one more bar before I headed home.

He was so lovely, we actually laughed a lot throughout and he was very kind (insisted he paid, waited for my train with me, bought me a bottle of coke for my journey haha).

He mentioned that he might be down near my way again next week if I wanted to do something, but nothing concrete was planned. He also asked if I’d had a good evening, I said yes and asked him, and he said it in a tone of like “yeah?! Absolutely”. Had a few good old smooches at the end too haha!

I texted him after saying i had a really nice evening, and he said he was glad and felt the same.

This was on Tuesday and we’ve been texting a bit since. Problem is he is quite dry and blunt on text, but surely him texting is a good sign. He’s not very flirty on text. Nothing has been said about meeting again yet.

Do men like it if the girl initiates the next date? I want to just say I’d like to see him again and let’s arrange the next one, but I feel like if he hasn’t done it it might not be interested?

OP posts:

youlooklikeapenis · 07/10/2022 12:27

Bleh don't respond to him op. Not even a second date yet and he's a vague head fuck. Get swiping.

Original poster

fe05ome · 07/10/2022 12:44

I completely get what everyone’s saying, but I’m a bit confused. A lot of people telling me I have nothing to lose and to just go for it.

So I told him that I was definitely up for seeing him again, as I didn’t want to play games, and now people are telling me I came across as “desperate”? I’m a bit confused on what I was supposed to do here? :/

OP posts:

saltofcelery · 07/10/2022 12:57

You're not "desperate" nor are you playing games. You can't know how someone is until you get to know them.

This one isn't the one for you and you know it, hence you posting on here. When one of the many right men (saying this because there's not just one person out there waiting for you to find him) come along, you will know. You won't be confused, he will make you feel amazing, you will know how much he cares for you.

RandomMusings7 · 07/10/2022 13:09

Sorry OP, your message was phrased in a way that sounded a little needy and insecure. First you basically told him he has you in the bag (cause you 100% want to see him again). Then you sensed his lack of excitement and instead of bowing out graciously you doubled down and asked for reassurance (asked him if he was sure he wanted to see you). Maybe you could have phrased it with a little more detachment.

Watchkeys · 07/10/2022 14:06

Cam22 · 07/10/2022 12:07

You don’t need to lecture other posters. Who made you some sort of moderator? Most amusing…

Show quote history

You're doing exactly the same.

pinkpanel · 07/10/2022 14:07

I don't think it was desperate to ask at all, good on you.

However, if you've asked and had a non-enthusiastic response you need to take that as your answer.

He's also basically said he's going to wait until he's in your area so not willing to make too much effort.

He knows you're interested - nothing wrong with that - but I'd completely back off now. If a guy knows a woman is interested and it's mutual you'll know

samyeagar · 07/10/2022 14:37

fe05ome · 07/10/2022 12:44

I completely get what everyone’s saying, but I’m a bit confused. A lot of people telling me I have nothing to lose and to just go for it.

It does not have to be nearly as complicated as some people like to make it out to be. It's not 4d chess.

You didn't do anything wrong at all, and I don't think you came across as desperate at all. You were your authentic self. You were open, honest, and direct with how you felt. He did not appear to respond with the same level of enthusiasm.

With things like this, generalizations reliably apply to populations and groups, but those generalizations may or may not apply to an individual. The so called "rules" may be meaningful when it comes to a population as a whole in a purely statistical sense, but those types of things do not apply at the individual level. Each individual is different, and may or may not fit the generalization. You can't know until you know the person.

For me, I never really understood the whole game around the so called "chase" I mean, I know it is real for a lot of people, but I never really saw women or relationships as a prize to be won or a challenge to be conquered. I always tried to just be myself, no games, no overthinking, and if that turned someone off, no loss. No way would I want to start out a relationship being someone I'm not because that it just setting it up for failure.

If she doesn't show a level of interest equal to my own, time to move on. Not like there is a shortage of women out there.

ThisWormHasTurned · 09/10/2022 09:03

Followed this with interest because I’ve been having similar issues with internet dating…
I’ve been in the apps (tried a variety, all much of a muchness). I found myself chasing a lot of blokes and then they would cancel just before the date (honestly happened 8 times). So I took a step back, I would message first a maximum of every other day. At one point I was messaging 5 blokes at a time 😂 BUT one was proactive in asking me out. Went out Friday night, had a really good time. He then messaged me when he got home to check I was home okay and to say he’d enjoyed it. Then he asked for a follow up date within 24 hours. I haven’t had to chase, he’s interested enough to make that effort. Now after 5 months of being on the apps it’s like “Ah this is how it works”. 3 of the other 5 have fallen by the wayside because they weren’t initiating contact.
Have you heard back from the guy you went out with OP? If he’s not local, it’s likely to be more difficult to meet. The issue with “Let’s meet up again next time you’re in my area” is that it could be some time! But if there’s really a connection there, you’ll be willing to travel to see each other. Good luck with it all.

J0y · 09/10/2022 09:06

Nope, after a decade of internet dating please realise that he is keeping his options open, he thinks.

From your point of view, realise that MIXED MESSAGES are not for you.

In fact, text back ''mixed messages are not for me, what i want is somebody who is certain, but it was fun! x''

J0y · 09/10/2022 09:11

oh wow, just read his response to you. You're ''kind'' to want to see him again........... and it may happen.

Geez.

If he texts you again, text back ''I was bowled over by how on the fence you are about me so I'm going to bail at this point, date was fun though, bye!''/

I learned that men do not like to be dismissed merrily as having been ''fun'' either.

Even the ones who had every intention of using you till somebody younger and more elusive came along. If you say ''thanks it was fun'' to one of those users, they're put out sometimes. ha ha.

gannett · 09/10/2022 09:17

fe05ome · 07/10/2022 10:25

So after all that, I simply asked him when he’s next up my way, because I’m 100% up for seeing him again.

He said “so kind, so am I, just depends when I’m next down I’ve no idea yet but it won’t be too long”

I asked if he’s defo up for it and he just said “yeah I am” no sort of enthusiasm

😬😬😬

I'm a big advocate of asking for dates if you want them and this is actually why. You have your answer now and can move on. Yes it stings a little but knowing where you stand is much more preferable to sitting around waiting on a man's actions.

He was almost certainly feeling non-committal whether you'd messaged or not. And in the unlikely event that you messaging actively put him off, that's the kind of man you want to run a mile from anyway. You've taken the initiative and you're in control of your dating life.

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