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Original poster

Girl asking for second date?

111 replies

fe05ome · 06/10/2022 09:29

I had a good first date this week!! I was pleasantly surprised.
He took me to a rooftop bar, then we grabbed food and then went to one more bar before I headed home.

He was so lovely, we actually laughed a lot throughout and he was very kind (insisted he paid, waited for my train with me, bought me a bottle of coke for my journey haha).

He mentioned that he might be down near my way again next week if I wanted to do something, but nothing concrete was planned. He also asked if I’d had a good evening, I said yes and asked him, and he said it in a tone of like “yeah?! Absolutely”. Had a few good old smooches at the end too haha!

I texted him after saying i had a really nice evening, and he said he was glad and felt the same.

This was on Tuesday and we’ve been texting a bit since. Problem is he is quite dry and blunt on text, but surely him texting is a good sign. He’s not very flirty on text. Nothing has been said about meeting again yet.

Do men like it if the girl initiates the next date? I want to just say I’d like to see him again and let’s arrange the next one, but I feel like if he hasn’t done it it might not be interested?

OP posts:
Tsort · 06/10/2022 17:10

forgotoldusername · 06/10/2022 16:39

@samyeagar she asked you out TWICE? wow it wouldn't have worked for me but thanks for answering so calmly and sorry if I sounded aggressive. We are all very different and what works for one doesn't work for another. I waited to be asked (my partner still asks me out and we've been together for 10 months and I like that he takes care of booking restaurants, trips etc). I honestly think you're in a minority and OP will be fobbed off by this guy, but I might be wrong

You’ve only been with this person ten months and ‘he’s going to propose soon’? And you believe that’s something to aim for?

I really don’t know what to make of the things you’re saying. Is this real?

StarlightLady · 06/10/2022 18:20

OP, if he doesn't like a woman asking for a second date he is not for you. Trust me, I have asked for more than a second date. I never wait for the man if I want something.

samyeagar · 06/10/2022 18:48

StarlightLady · 06/10/2022 18:20

OP, if he doesn't like a woman asking for a second date he is not for you. Trust me, I have asked for more than a second date. I never wait for the man if I want something.

That is along the lines of how I look at it. We're adults and if we want something, we should be able to just ask. No need for coy little games. Yeah, rejection sucks, but that is also part of being an adult.

pinkpanel · 06/10/2022 18:53

He mentioned that he might be down near my way again next week if I wanted to do something, but nothing concrete was planned.

Do you live far apart OP? I'm wondering if he was only keen if he was going to be nearby but not willing to make the effort if it was out of his way?

If so, maybe he's not suggested it as he's not going to otherwise be close by?

Isitsixoclockalready · 06/10/2022 18:59

StarlightLady · 06/10/2022 18:20

OP, if he doesn't like a woman asking for a second date he is not for you. Trust me, I have asked for more than a second date. I never wait for the man if I want something.

Totally agree with this and - as a male - I have to say that not all men are cocksure of themselves in terms of asking women out on a second date. I think that it's great for women to lead as well. If some women prefer the 'traditional' route, fine but it is the 21st century and we should be moving past the idea that a woman has to wait to be asked.

MakkaPakkas · 06/10/2022 19:24

I'd not worry about what men like. Do what you like and you'll easily filter out the ones that are wrong for you.

Cam22 · 06/10/2022 19:37

Watchkeys · 06/10/2022 13:56

@forgotoldusername

Good to know you're wealthy, and that your partner is too. Totally relevant.

Hilarious!

Cam22 · 06/10/2022 19:45

Tsort · 06/10/2022 17:10

You’ve only been with this person ten months and ‘he’s going to propose soon’? And you believe that’s something to aim for?

I really don’t know what to make of the things you’re saying. Is this real?

Show quote history

Hmmmmmm time.

Watchkeys · 06/10/2022 19:50

Cam22 · 06/10/2022 19:37

Hilarious!

Show quote history

Your wealth is in no way relevant to the thread. Why is that funny to you? That you need to point out your wealth on a thread about whether women should ask men on dates?

forgotoldusername · 06/10/2022 20:38

@Watchkeys I pointed out my wealth because I didn't want posters to think I was with my new partner only for his wealth and wanted to highlight that we are peers. I should have probably simply say we have very similar income levels but the intent wasn't to brag but to point out that I am a peer both intellectually and financially but I prefer a man to take the initiative and I am happy to live in the 1950s. There are many men who also prefer to do the chase so it's not like I was looking for a unicorn

McHot · 06/10/2022 22:53

I'm speechless at the investment bank person 😆 and always at people who say they've had 1000s of matches, well that means you've swiped right on 1000's of men, not very discerning but if the numbers game works to each their own.

I swiped on two, matched with both, married one of them.

I probably asked him out at some point after the first date and he was cool with it.

notdaddycool · 06/10/2022 22:59

Rather than ask him out maybe say, so are you going to be down this way next week, would be lovely to see you if you are. It tells him you’re going to say yes so he won’t fear asking if he wants to see you but doesn’t set you up for a big fall if he says, sorry no, plan’s changed.

Palmtreesprings · 06/10/2022 23:56

The guy I am seeing is terrible with his blunt and short messages which I took to mean he’s not interested. It turns out he’s very interested but just doesn’t like texting, he’d rather just call me.

Tsort · 07/10/2022 00:24

Palmtreesprings · 06/10/2022 23:56

The guy I am seeing is terrible with his blunt and short messages which I took to mean he’s not interested. It turns out he’s very interested but just doesn’t like texting, he’d rather just call me.

I remember when I was dating and people would say this. I have never understood why some men think their desire to speak on the phone trumps my desire to communicate via messaging. However, obviously this might not be the case for you.

Watchkeys · 07/10/2022 09:21

forgotoldusername · 06/10/2022 20:38

@Watchkeys I pointed out my wealth because I didn't want posters to think I was with my new partner only for his wealth and wanted to highlight that we are peers. I should have probably simply say we have very similar income levels but the intent wasn't to brag but to point out that I am a peer both intellectually and financially but I prefer a man to take the initiative and I am happy to live in the 1950s. There are many men who also prefer to do the chase so it's not like I was looking for a unicorn

Nobody mentioned or questioned anything about anybody's income, and it's not relevant to the thread that you match in that regard. But if that's where your focus is, all power to you. Each to their own.

My partner and I are well matched in our desire to be kind to animals.

See how irrelevant it is to point out one aspect of your own relationship?! Who gives a flying fandoodle?

Original poster
fe05ome · 07/10/2022 10:25

So after all that, I simply asked him when he’s next up my way, because I’m 100% up for seeing him again.

He said “so kind, so am I, just depends when I’m next down I’ve no idea yet but it won’t be too long”

I asked if he’s defo up for it and he just said “yeah I am” no sort of enthusiasm

😬😬😬

OP posts:
JustKittenAround · 07/10/2022 10:35

Same crew of Pick Me’s coming on here with bad advice. If he had a good time with OP and he was able to set up and plan the first date, then he could handle asking for the second. Men usually go after what they want. It’s how it goes.

OP has texted first and been borderline embarrassingly easy and wanting..l which kills attraction. If he was the same way it’d kill her attraction.

A lot of women brag how they are married and asked their men out, all the while their men are still faffing to The One Who Got Away.

Yes I’m engaged and yes I’ve been married. None of my relationships with men define me. Men aren’t the prize and neither is marriage… especially when the bulk are basically just happy to not get there leg farted on one night and maybe their low value husbands didn’t get piston the seat.

The prize isn’t a relationship or being married. The prize is being truly happy with a high value man.

i wish you luck OP, but you might want to play it a bit cooler and be confident in yourself, if you’re confident you know he will text and try to see you again. He did at first right? And if he doesn’t his loss. Chasing will more often the not make you an option and not a priority.

I share my opinion with a humble heart because I’ve lived it. So many damn dodo birds up in here will give you bad advice. Maybe it works for the sort they are after, but if you want more then you gotta build your confidence up! You know you have reason to be confident M

Tsort · 07/10/2022 10:36

fe05ome · 07/10/2022 10:25

So after all that, I simply asked him when he’s next up my way, because I’m 100% up for seeing him again.

He said “so kind, so am I, just depends when I’m next down I’ve no idea yet but it won’t be too long”

I asked if he’s defo up for it and he just said “yeah I am” no sort of enthusiasm

😬😬😬

Ah, no. Toss this one back.

JustKittenAround · 07/10/2022 10:40

Tsort · 07/10/2022 10:36

Ah, no. Toss this one back.

Show quote history

We have disagreed in the past so it is something when I agree.

ghost this dude quick.

next time though …. Don’t be so hungry. It’s an attraction killer. Though guy is likely a douche anyways

Roselilly36 · 07/10/2022 10:44

You aren’t going to like what I am going to say but If a man likes you “he won’t wait until he’s in the area” I think you are wasting your time with this man, I expect he’s married and just wants company “when he’s in the area” sorry to say that OP, you are worth more.

BadNomad · 07/10/2022 11:23

Oh ffs. Any thread an OP says the guy flirts with her in messages, she is told "He just wants you for sex. Get rid." and any thread where the guy doesn't flirt, the OP is told "He's not interested. Get rid."

Men are individuals. Just like women. No one here can tell you what he is thinking. But I doubt many people would bother to keep in contact with someone they're not interested in. What would be the point.

JustKittenAround · 07/10/2022 11:41

BadNomad · 07/10/2022 11:23

Oh ffs. Any thread an OP says the guy flirts with her in messages, she is told "He just wants you for sex. Get rid." and any thread where the guy doesn't flirt, the OP is told "He's not interested. Get rid."

Men are individuals. Just like women. No one here can tell you what he is thinking. But I doubt many people would bother to keep in contact with someone they're not interested in. What would be the point.

You’re thinking like a rational nice person. It is very common for people to keep in contact for ego top ups. It’s sick but pretty common sadly. They just want validation that they’re attractive and have zero problem with playing games.

OP should have not come off desperate because it kills attraction no matter what. She had a nice tie and should have trusted that. No amount of chasing would help if wasn’t feeling it. Chasing will however hurt if he felt interest. Works both ways.

Nobody of value wants someone thirsty.. it’s a red flag.

though dude probably is a throwaway anyway…. Hate how he texted back op.

pinkpanel · 07/10/2022 11:53

fe05ome · 07/10/2022 10:25

So after all that, I simply asked him when he’s next up my way, because I’m 100% up for seeing him again.

He said “so kind, so am I, just depends when I’m next down I’ve no idea yet but it won’t be too long”

I asked if he’s defo up for it and he just said “yeah I am” no sort of enthusiasm

😬😬😬

I asked below but I don't think you answered - how far away is he?

If not unreasonably far, I'd take it as lack of interest that he's not prepared to trace to specifically see you. It's like he'll do if it's convenient and not too much out of his way, ie he's not willing to make effort So not overly bothered

If he's several hours away it's fair enough and may not be a sign of lack of interest but not great in terms of potential relationship

Either way I'd stop making any effort and see what he does

RandomMusings7 · 07/10/2022 12:05

What a noncommital unenthusiastic response...

Let this one go OP. I'm sorry.

With the right one you won't have do to this silly guesswork on whether he's into you or not.

Cam22 · 07/10/2022 12:07

Watchkeys · 07/10/2022 09:21

Nobody mentioned or questioned anything about anybody's income, and it's not relevant to the thread that you match in that regard. But if that's where your focus is, all power to you. Each to their own.

My partner and I are well matched in our desire to be kind to animals.

See how irrelevant it is to point out one aspect of your own relationship?! Who gives a flying fandoodle?

Show quote history

You don’t need to lecture other posters. Who made you some sort of moderator? Most amusing…