Should I meddle?

[Mxdupmillie]

My husbands childhood friend is getting married next month and he has been asked to be the best man. I know the bride, but wouldn’t say we are close, we have little to do with each other and tbh I find her hard work.
DH went off on the stag do last weekend, and came back with a bombshell. Whilst very very drunk, the groom to be, confessed to my DH that he has been having a long term affair for a couple of years (only my DH heard this, they were in the hotel room they were sharing) However, he has every intention of going through with the wedding (he loves his bride to be the OW is just wild in bed!!)
My DH is horrified, has no idea how he can be the best man at this farce, but equally has no idea how to get out of it. Also suspects the OW will be at the night party as she is a work colleague of the groom and could potentially cause a scene.
We seem to have taken this on and it’s eating us. Do we tell the bride? Do we talk the groom and ask him to cancel the wedding? Do we make an excuse and not attend? Do we shut our mouths and smile and through it?
Help!!

Just keep out of it.

Stay out of it.

How? Do we go and pretend like everything’s normal? Seems dishonest. Do we pull out? People will want to know why. We’re in it whether we like it or not!

I can't believe people are staying out of it. Please do not stay out of it. Do not let this poor woman go through with the wedding. I would tell her if I were you.

You stay out of it.

It’s your dhs friend, he should decide what to do.

I wouldn't say anything if I were you.
But if I was the bride I'd want to know before I married the piece of shit.

Making one's closest friends complicit is almost as bad as actually having the affair. Both you and your husband now know and are being expected to look the bride in the eyes, not just at the wedding but beyond, and keep the secret. I couldn't and wouldn't do that. I think you need to think seriously about whether you want to go to the wedding and your husband should pull out of being best man if he has any morals whatsoever. It won't be an easy thing to break to the groom but this is all on him so about time he faced some harsh realities of his cheating.

Just go to the do but don't be telling either side anything. It's their relationship and you are not the arbiter of it.

If you do butt in, you will be caught up in the whole mess and not be thanked for it. Staying out of it gives you plausible deniability.

Shut your mouths and smile through it.

I did keep my mouth shut and when the bride asked why, I said “you wouldn’t have believed me”, rather than getting angry with me she accepted that I was right.

The bride and I were never that close for me to destroy her life with a honest truth. She would have gone ahead with it anyway.

Tell her. What a bastard.

Yes you're advising her not to tell her! Odd

Wow, this is a tough one.
I think I’d have to come clean and not go.

Ffs your husband should tell her.

If I were your dh, I would talk to the groom and try and convince him that he needed to tell the bride to be.

If they're going to promise to be faithful to one another in their vows, then I really don't see how either you or your DH can go to the wedding. You have information to object to the wedding.

The separate issue of telling her is difficult because you don't know her that well. It's really down to your DH to speak to the groom-to-be.

What's odd is how het up you are about a stranger's post on the internet.

Tricky.

While I understand the dilemma, could your DH encourage the bridegroom to 'fess up to his soon to be bride, if necessary by saying if groom doesn't, DH (his best man) will tell her ? Otherwise why did groom tell his best man, if not to be talked out of the wedding.

I would find a way to tell her anonymously. If I was the bride I’d want to know.

I would want to know. I don't think it's meddling. And I would stand down as best man and wouldn't attend the wedding even if it still went ahead.

I’d expect my husband to have a serious talk with his friend, personally I’d stay out of it. Be led by my husband as it’s his mate and you don’t even like the bride. Plus quite frankly if you tell her she’s likely not going to believe you

I know if I was the bride, and any of my DH’s friends knew and didn’t let me know. I would write off that friendship forever. But a lot of men do describe to the ‘bros before hoes’ mentality.

If I was in your shoes I would refuse to go to the wedding and refuse to have anything more to do with your DH’s friend. If your Dh is also offended, he should refuse as well.

This is sending a big enough signal to everyone that’s somethings wrong.

But that’s just me, and my ex has often criticised me for my black and white thinking.

I’d tell her.

Awful that there are people on here who think it’s ok to just leave her in ignorance. Poor woman.

She needs to make an informed decision.

I also would find a way to tell her anonymously. At the least I would get DH to tell his friend he needs to come clean to his bride to be. There is no way either of us would attend the wedding now knowing that - I just couldn't sit there and smile through it knowing that, to say or do nothing and let the bride make the biggest mistake of her life would be incredibly cruel.

Covid is your friend. Positive test, oh dear.

Really tough choice to make.
Your DH needs to tell his friend to tell his wife to be. It is not really for you to tell her. If you do, this will most likely cause a break in the friendship between your DH and his friend. And in turn that could affect your relationship with your DH.
I am a new bride and I 100% would want to know before getting married. But either your DH tells her (if they're close enough for that), or the groom needs to tell her.