Should I meddle?

[Mxdupmillie]

My husbands childhood friend is getting married next month and he has been asked to be the best man. I know the bride, but wouldn’t say we are close, we have little to do with each other and tbh I find her hard work.
DH went off on the stag do last weekend, and came back with a bombshell. Whilst very very drunk, the groom to be, confessed to my DH that he has been having a long term affair for a couple of years (only my DH heard this, they were in the hotel room they were sharing) However, he has every intention of going through with the wedding (he loves his bride to be the OW is just wild in bed!!)
My DH is horrified, has no idea how he can be the best man at this farce, but equally has no idea how to get out of it. Also suspects the OW will be at the night party as she is a work colleague of the groom and could potentially cause a scene.
We seem to have taken this on and it’s eating us. Do we tell the bride? Do we talk the groom and ask him to cancel the wedding? Do we make an excuse and not attend? Do we shut our mouths and smile and through it?
Help!!

Oh fuck that. Normally I would not get involved but his spin story is personal.

I would be telling my best friend my side of the story in this instance, and then wait to see what happens.

Bloody hell. I'm stunned by your update

It's not really your place to tell her but she has the right to know. I think your DH should talk to his friend and say that he needs to tell his bride to be and to stop his affair. He needs to tell him its making you both uncomfortable and although you won't tell his bride to be, you'll certainly be distancing yourself in future.

Just saw your update. I'd message the bride with the real reason you wouldn't be attending with all the details.

That's a great idea 💡

I alternate from wanting to stick my head in the sand and hide for 6 months, to wanting to go and tell hlthe scum what I think of his cheating, lying, manipulative, skanky ways.

I would concentrate on trying to tell the fiancee @Mxdupmillie . PP's give a good tip of explaining, then linking to the thread as evidence of the timeline. Then you can't do any more than that really.

Show your friends and the bride this thread 🤷‍♀️

Someone pointing out your double standard isn’t being odd or ‘het up’.

I mean at this point, what have you got to lose by telling her and giving her a fair chance at getting out? Even if you tell her and she doesn't believe you (although the anger you rightfully feel might well tip the scales on showing her it's genuine), he clearly has no reservations about throwing you, your DH and your marriage under the bus, so why protect him now?

At least if you tell her she a) has a chance to do some digging before tying herself to this man, b) won't wish someone had just told her when it all goes tits up down the road and c) you'll know you tried. Sorry you're going through this OP, what a crap situation to have been plonked into by the groom

At the very least your husband shouldn't be his best man. I would have to tell him to find someone else. I could not be involved in it if I knew that.

Don't tell her anonymously. It will be hard enough to pull out of her wedding if she hears from people directly. If it's anonymous she won't feel sure it's true.

That guy's a nasty piece of work!

Looking forward to reading about your next move and I hope it results in his wedding being called off.

After the rumours he has spread about you, I would be tempted to go big on your revelation and tell everyone at once. The groom has shown that he is totally selfish and deserves no loyalty.

Fuck that. He's gone from expecting you guys to keep his secret to attacking your marriage so his affair isn't exposed.

I'd text the bride and tell her exactly why you aren't attending.

Gloves off now.

Show her this thread. The posts are time stamped, indicating you were on the horns of a dilemma before you said you would not be attending.

What a piece of vermin he is.

You owe him no loyalty the lying sack of shit. Tell her.

I would get DH to tell him that neither of you will be attending. You will neither lie or cover, if asked why you didn't go you will tell the truth. Puts the ball in his court.

I don't blame you for being absolutely furious! Now that he's started this rumour about you, there's no option but to set his fiancée straight.

You need to tell her and everyone else the truth now. He's forced your hand.

It's that or people believing his lies amd yours and your husband's relationship/reputation that will be damaged and you've/he's done nothing wrong.

What a prick!

What a cheeky git!!!! I think you need to let all parties know the truth now, he crossed a line long ago but throwing you both under the bus like that is unforgivable.

Just send her a message with all the facts.

Do you know the OW name?

What a scumbag the Groom is. You guys were sitting worrying and he just threw you to the wolves without a second thought.

I would be telling the bride exactly what happened. As for the groom, what a cunt. Is the OW in a relationship? I'd certainly be letting her partner know too. The gloves are off after the groom's lies. Your friendships with the bride and groom are destroyed, concentrate on your other friends and yourselves.

I think it's time that you let everyone know what an absolute tosser the groom to be is ! It is totally unacceptable that he has thrown you and your hubby under the bus just to try and cover his own back . He is no friend !