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Original poster

Just a coincidence?

110 replies

Justanothercliche · 02/10/2022 10:13

Today my DH added me to his work calendar. Looking through I saw for his work conference dates (a four day weekend not over a public holiday) his assistant had added in her leave dates for his reference which fell over the same dates.

For history, my DH and her have great ‘banter’ and she tried to invite herself along to DH’s dinner with clients as his plus one until he learnt I was upset and I thought this was a sign he was cheating. He decided to cancel going to the dinner and offered to fire her.

Upon seeing my face when I remarked my surprise that they were away for the exact same dates he reminded me he asked me to come with him and I had said no, that he wasn’t going with her and it was just a coincidence she had leave for the same time and he has now completely cancelled the conference without me having suggested it. This was apparently a very important conference for him.

Previously when she would call and we were in the car together he would immediately announce he was in the car with his family (reason being she has a ‘potty mouth’ and he didn’t want her to swear in front of the kids) now I’ve noticed he won’t even answer her calls if I’m with him.

Just a coincidence or is he cheating?

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 02/10/2022 10:22

If you don't trust him, it doesn't matter if he's guilty or not. Your relationship is screwed either way.

What would you like him to do differently? What would alleviate your distrust?

summergone · 02/10/2022 10:22

Have you posted about this before ? It sounds really similar

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 02/10/2022 10:23

In itself the leave isn't necessarily a red flag, makes sense that she might take time when the boss is away if it suits her

It is odd that your DH would cancel an important conference through, do you mean he decided not to go or actually cancelled the whole event? Why would he do either of those things?

Whyishedoingthat · 02/10/2022 10:25

My DP secretary will often take leave when he’s away on conference, purely because she knows there’s bugger all to do when he’s there, so it saves her coming back from leave to find a ton of work to catch up with, as would be the case if she took leave on his usual work time.

Your DH invited you to attend with him, so can’t see that he is likely to be having her go with him. I imagine the fact you’ve voiced concerns in the past is the reason he doesn’t bother to answer her calls anymore.

You need to get a bit of a grip, as you are negatively impacting his work. He’s cancelled an important conference now, and a dinner in the past, all because of your insecurities. Do you really think he’d add you to his work calendar if he had something like this to hide?

Pixiedust1234 · 02/10/2022 10:26

A businessman does not cancel an important work meeting for anyone.
A businessman does not cancel an important conference with tax deductible overnighters for anyone.

Candleabra · 02/10/2022 10:33

Weird that he cancelled the conference like that.
Is it his real work calendar?

Crikeyalmighty · 02/10/2022 10:37

I would be googling the conference to see any signs it exists- but then I'm a cynic these days

Lcb123 · 02/10/2022 10:38

Sounds pretty normal she’d take leave when he’s at a conference?

Original poster
Justanothercliche · 02/10/2022 10:39

I haven’t written about this before.
Part of me does feel like I’m ruining my relationship.
I just thought the fact he cancelled the conference so quickly (it’s one he’s attending overseas for professional development) was odd and doesn’t actually prove anything as to his innocence. If he was planning on bringing her along, this kind of just hides it?
Thanks to those who pointed out assistants usually plann leave for the same time as a boss. I didn’t know this was a thing, however she does work for more than just DH.

OP posts:
ICanHideButICantRun · 02/10/2022 10:39

Are you sure the conference actually existed and that he was booked in to attend? It seems extremely unlikely that he would just cancel it.

And he's her boss - why can't he tell her to control her language when she calls him?

frazzledasarock · 02/10/2022 10:40

His behaviour is OTT. I can’t imagine cancelling an important conference just like that.

there’s something odd in his behaviour.

Ithinkiwanttobealone · 02/10/2022 10:41

I think it looks a bit suspicious.

Backtonormalnow · 02/10/2022 10:42

Yes are you sure there was an actual conference? Or maybe he was actually taking her and realises he now can’t.

Backtonormalnow · 02/10/2022 10:42

As he’s been rumbled.

Watchkeys · 02/10/2022 10:46

Part of me does feel like I’m ruining my relationship

But it's already marred if you feel like you're suspicious of him, isn't it? You can't help what you feel. And what you feel is unpleasant for you, currently. Nobody here can tell you if he's cheating, but what we can tell you is that if you can't ask him, and trust his answer, then this relationship isn't good for you anyway.

Original poster
Justanothercliche · 02/10/2022 10:47

Yes definitely a conference. I didn’t think he was being dishonest about that.
It’s a big conference that comes up if you google it.

OP posts:
dontputitthere · 02/10/2022 10:51

Yeah it's too strange

His boss was fine with him just dropping a conference like that? And a meal? Yeah cool that's fine. We don't care about that silly conference anyway

Weird he has to tell her she's on speaker phone with you. She's a professional. No need for a potty mouth at work. And if so he should tell her not to. Easy.

But as pp have said. You don't trust him. Which is in itself a major issue

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 02/10/2022 10:54

dontputitthere · 02/10/2022 10:51

Yeah it's too strange

His boss was fine with him just dropping a conference like that? And a meal? Yeah cool that's fine. We don't care about that silly conference anyway

Weird he has to tell her she's on speaker phone with you. She's a professional. No need for a potty mouth at work. And if so he should tell her not to. Easy.

But as pp have said. You don't trust him. Which is in itself a major issue

Isn't telling someone they are on speaker and other people are there basic phone ettiquete especially if it they are non work people, I don't know why you'd need to make something up about that

AsAnyFuleKno · 02/10/2022 10:55

He decided to cancel going to the dinner and offered to fire her.

Offered to fire her? You can't just fire someone because your other half is suspicious of them.Hmm

girlmom21 · 02/10/2022 10:58

His behaviour is weird but so is yours.

How long has this all being going on for? It sounds like he might have just cancelled for the easy life.

Original poster
Justanothercliche · 02/10/2022 10:59

Its a very small business. He’s the boss but she sort of does freelance assistance for a couple others.
I do trust him. This has helped and put things into perspective. I think I’m overthinking this

OP posts:
dontputitthere · 02/10/2022 11:02

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair yeah I mean he didn't have to say he was with his family. Just I'm in the car and you know you're on speaker phone.

It's that added detail.

But everything he does seems such an over the top reaction.

He's going to fire her?! For what?!

And if the boss then he really should be able to tell her to rein her language in.

GloriousGlory · 02/10/2022 11:04

AsAnyFuleKno · 02/10/2022 10:55

He decided to cancel going to the dinner and offered to fire her.

Offered to fire her? You can't just fire someone because your other half is suspicious of them.Hmm

Exactly!

AnyFucker · 02/10/2022 11:05

Some OTT reactions from him are ringing alarm bells

  1. Offering to fire her. Err, what ?
  2. cancelling the conference
  3. giving her the heads up you are in the car
girlmom21 · 02/10/2022 11:08

Justanothercliche · 02/10/2022 10:59

Its a very small business. He’s the boss but she sort of does freelance assistance for a couple others.
I do trust him. This has helped and put things into perspective. I think I’m overthinking this

You really, really don't trust him.

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