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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I get the ick really, really easily

125 replies

IckabodCrane · 27/09/2022 22:45

I’ve been on a couple of dates with someone, he does actually seem nice but I’ve got the ick already and I feel like something is wrong with me 😢

Reasons why…

  • he booked a restaurant for a date in a weeks time and asked me what I was going to have (we have time to decide!) and said it looked really “yummy”
  • overuse of emojis in messages - random wink faces and sticky out tongue faces
  • Weird passive aggressive behaviour - I jokingly mocked one of his food choices (after he had done the same to me so not completely out there cruel) and he then said my suggested food choice at the restaurant sounded “a bit boring”
  • said our town wasn’t very nice as there were lots of beggars - not a word I’m comfortable with

just not really feeling it tbh! Otherwise, the dates have been good, he seems nice, he can be funny, we have stuff in common, we find each other attractive… am I being way too picky and horrible?

key context is that I have been single for a long time (through choice I guess / not really looking?) but know I’ll be ok by myself ultimately so think I’m quick to shut things down.

OP posts:
minticecreamisjustok · 27/09/2022 22:53

The last two reasons would have me cancelling the date. The first two I would overlook if I really fancied him, perhaps the problem is you just aren't into him enough? and everything is now giving you the ick
If it's not working for you, end it.

ThisIsNotAFlyingToy · 27/09/2022 22:57

Ew at "yummy". Dumpable.

Sunnytwobridges · 27/09/2022 22:58

sticky out tongue faces.

Ugh, before I even read the rest of your reasons this made my skin crawl. My ex after a few years started sending me texts with the sticky out tongue emoji and for some reason it rubbed me the wrong way. Especially when he would send them with no words, just that emoji. It was the beginning of the end for me.

AlwaysGinPlease · 27/09/2022 22:58

I've got the ick just reading about him! Next!

AlwaysGinPlease · 27/09/2022 22:59

😜😝😋😛

Which one?

AtrociousCircumstance · 27/09/2022 22:59

Last two reasons would make me want to immediately cancel.

Cocopogo · 27/09/2022 22:59

What’s wrong with the word beggars Confused

Original poster
IckabodCrane · 27/09/2022 23:02

A whole host of these 😛😛😛😛😛😛

OP posts:
catsonahottinroof · 27/09/2022 23:05

I think the sticking out tongue emojis is the worst too! But if you're already having doubts at this early stage, then it's probably your subconscious/natural instincts telling you something. If he was a good future partner then you wouldn't be being put off by so many things so early.

Luredbyapomegranate · 27/09/2022 23:07

Throw that one back

helpmethisiscrazy · 27/09/2022 23:10

Cocopogo · 27/09/2022 22:59

What’s wrong with the word beggars Confused

Yes I thought the same. That's what they are...beggars

Original poster
IckabodCrane · 27/09/2022 23:11

Beggars because i assume that he is referring to homeless people? Just sounded a bit snobbish and dismissive but happy to be corrected.

I was talking about a place I liked and he said he didn’t as there were “too many beggars”. Just thought it sounded a bit rude.

OP posts:
AlwaysGinPlease · 27/09/2022 23:13

IckabodCrane · 27/09/2022 23:02

A whole host of these 😛😛😛😛😛😛

🤮

That's definitely Ick worthy

PixellatedPixie · 27/09/2022 23:20

Those all give me the ice too! There is definitely nothing wrong with you. No use wasting your time!

scoobydoo1971 · 27/09/2022 23:25

He puts you down and you are supposed to accept he is joking about your food preference. Early days, he should at least pretend to be nice to you!
He is a snob who makes judgements about 'beggars'.
He uses fake pretensions language like 'yummy'.

Run...

IodineQueen · 27/09/2022 23:33

I get the ick very easily as well and all of that would make me shudder. Yummy and this emoji in particular > 😋

Not had the misfortune of this one 😛 yet. You can do better.

Original poster
IckabodCrane · 27/09/2022 23:48

Sorry I feel like I’m being quite personal now as he was a lovely guy but it is so individual isn’t it. Some more icks…

Finished one of our dates with a kebab and I was going to buy him a Fanta, he refused as he needed the loo and grimaced as he said it… I had to encourage him to find somewhere to go for a wee.

i was asking chit-chatting after the end of our first date and obvs got a detail wrong about his life as he gripped my arms and said jokingly in a silly voice “listen! You need to listen!” Kind of like a parent indulgently telling off their little child

couldnt read google maps / GPS and kept going wrong way

Said he was clumsy and impractical and was I more practical?

OP posts:
Original poster
IckabodCrane · 27/09/2022 23:49

He also kept saying I was an “attractive” girl and asked if my male clients often chatted me up.

OP posts:
Original poster
IckabodCrane · 27/09/2022 23:51

On our first meeting (tbf we’d spend a few hours together) he was quite pokey / touchy as we walked around. Asking trying to break the touch barrier and ultimately lean in for a kiss but felt so invasive of personal space at that point 😥

OP posts:
midlifecrash · 27/09/2022 23:51

Yeuch

Blueberrywitch · 28/09/2022 00:13

omg I have the ick too now. Please just listen to your instincts and call this off immediately. Say it’s not you it’s me, say you’re moving overseas or have got back with your ex boyfriend. Get away swiftly and cleanly!

ButterfliesAWOL · 28/09/2022 00:15

These things stack up, OP. The emoji thing, you might overlook on its own, but after a pile of other things it could be a straw that breaks the camel's back.

Personally, he sounds overly defensive (dishing out teasing but unable to accept it - big deal breaker for me) and dismissive (the immediate rejecting of a town you like because of "beggars" and "listen" thing). Speaks of a fragile ego to me, which isn't the most attractive quality.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/09/2022 00:16

IckabodCrane · 27/09/2022 23:51

On our first meeting (tbf we’d spend a few hours together) he was quite pokey / touchy as we walked around. Asking trying to break the touch barrier and ultimately lean in for a kiss but felt so invasive of personal space at that point 😥

That right there should have had you running for the hills. What a creep. You really need to work on your boundaries.

FindingMarbles · 28/09/2022 00:23

Missing the point but what word would you use instead of beggar? I find myself saying "people begging" as it sounds slightly different, but using the word homeless isn't accurate - loads of homeless people don't beg (and loads of people who HAVE homes do beg). So what should I say when I talk about people who beg on the street? If I don't want to give someone the ick I mean.

Original poster
IckabodCrane · 28/09/2022 00:29

@FindingMarbles defo agree! Not all beggars are homeless and ofc not all homeless people are beggars. Don’t know what is the best word for it tbh, I feel like “people who are begging for money” somehow sounds better but can’t work out why?! It just seems like such a sweeping definition and just really makes me feel uncomfortable.

OP posts: