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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I get the ick really, really easily

125 replies

IckabodCrane · 27/09/2022 22:45

I’ve been on a couple of dates with someone, he does actually seem nice but I’ve got the ick already and I feel like something is wrong with me 😢

Reasons why…

  • he booked a restaurant for a date in a weeks time and asked me what I was going to have (we have time to decide!) and said it looked really “yummy”
  • overuse of emojis in messages - random wink faces and sticky out tongue faces
  • Weird passive aggressive behaviour - I jokingly mocked one of his food choices (after he had done the same to me so not completely out there cruel) and he then said my suggested food choice at the restaurant sounded “a bit boring”
  • said our town wasn’t very nice as there were lots of beggars - not a word I’m comfortable with

just not really feeling it tbh! Otherwise, the dates have been good, he seems nice, he can be funny, we have stuff in common, we find each other attractive… am I being way too picky and horrible?

key context is that I have been single for a long time (through choice I guess / not really looking?) but know I’ll be ok by myself ultimately so think I’m quick to shut things down.

OP posts:
Mischance · 28/09/2022 11:22

Look - you don't fancy him - why are you wasting time and brain space on him?

Whichwhatnow · 28/09/2022 11:30

IckabodCrane · 27/09/2022 23:02

A whole host of these 😛😛😛😛😛😛

That's the worst one! It makes me think of a panting dog. Or him wanting to lick your face. The others at least have some humour (kind of).

Pinkbonbon · 28/09/2022 11:40

Don't date people who a. Are passive aggressive (nasty/overly sarcastic and call it 'banter' ect). And B. Bring out similar behaviour in you.

Bet you're not normally that way right?

To make matters worse he couldn't even take what he dished out probably leaving you feeling bad and wondering if you were in the wring fir your reply. Which is exactly what abusers like to do regularly btw so it's a really big red flag.

Crikeyalmighty · 28/09/2022 11:42

Stuff like this is very individual, many women here would have no issue with any of these, you do, that's all that matters.

From a personal perspective, all of these would be a turn off, I hate emoji use, don't like touchy feely men or men who are quite childlike in mannerisms or speech.

ButterfliesAWOL · 28/09/2022 12:13

@painauchocolatten oh give over. I’m a bloke and as I posted, if it had just been about the yummy and emojis fair enough, but the rest of her experience suggests there’s rational reasons to think “nah”.

CookPassBabtridge · 28/09/2022 12:19

Ick at all those! If you are having this now then it's only going to get much worse.

CookPassBabtridge · 28/09/2022 12:21

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/09/2022 01:41

The worst emoji is 😂 by a mile. Only used by arseholes.

Wtf...

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/09/2022 15:54

OK I'll explain the crying/laughing thing for @SheldontheWonderSchlong and other people who disagree.

Look out for it. About 50% of the time it's used sarcastically. Particularly by people who disagree (on here) but aren't actually informed or intelligent enough to explain their position. Things like:

You think alcohol is worse than heroin 😂

Well yes I do with the experience and statistics to back it up. But you think your 'reckons', common sense and two minutes thinking about it beats that.

You think Brexit will cause a recession 😂

And so on. Just a mean, sarcastic attack based on not knowing anything but believing (like in the playground) that laughing at someone makes you right.

If you're using it to actually mean laughing, you're fine. Don't the yoof use the skull for 'died laughing' now to avoid the 😂 of sarcasm. Also I do suspect when people use 😂 they are actually sitting stony faced. But I think that about LOL too.

Watchkeys · 28/09/2022 16:23

@painauchocolatten

If the OP had come on here and said some bloke had said all these things about her, you lot would be up in arms saying he's disgusting, disrespectful, she could do better, don't date him he's an arsehole etc

I think that would be the case if all those things had been said to the person's face, but they haven't. I think for either sex, if you have a list of things in your head that turn you off a person, you politely leave them. It's ok to tell people those things, as long as they're not people who will report back to the person being criticised.

If a bloke came on here criticising his female date, he'd be told the same as OP is being told. 'Leave' and 'I wouldn't like that/do that'.

W00p · 28/09/2022 16:35

He sounds like a wet flannel

ParentallyUnprepared · 28/09/2022 16:40

StoneColdMedusa · 28/09/2022 05:41

Haha I say yummy and occasionally throw in a 😋 when chatting… I’m doomed!!!

seriously though, there’s no coming back from the ick. You don’t owe anyone a relationship and it’s ok to say no.

You're not doomed...

Just OP and a load of other Mumsnetters won't date you.

ArcheryAnnie · 28/09/2022 16:44

I think it's fine to get the ick for any reason at all. I remember one episode of the Archers which had a character remembering, not fondly, going out with a man "who wore tassels on his shoes", and - whether you are a shoe-tassel aficionado or not - that level of self-permission to say no, he (or she) isn't the one for me, has really stuck with me. It's fine to not want to go on a second date for whatever trivial reason you like.

nuttynotty · 28/09/2022 19:55

If you met online the chances are so small you'll actually both like each other so just move on (he doesn't sound much of a catch)

Person18885 · 28/09/2022 21:02

thisbathiscoldnow · 28/09/2022 07:26

It's quite a common reference phrase used these days. I listen to a couple of podcasts where listeners are asked to write in with their funny 'icks' about people.

Op, you could write a book! 🤣

Agree though, this one's not for you.

Show quote history

i have honestly never heard anyone use the word throughout all of my adult life

Kel9n · 28/09/2022 21:09

Person18885 · 28/09/2022 21:02

i have honestly never heard anyone use the word throughout all of my adult life

Show quote history

I use the word throughout all the time. I probably used it a couple of times today!

Person18885 · 28/09/2022 21:12

Kel9n · 28/09/2022 21:09

I use the word throughout all the time. I probably used it a couple of times today!

Show quote history

i should add im scottish have lived in and around Edinburgh all my life, could it be that its a location thing maybe?

JamSandle · 28/09/2022 23:36

I get the ick so easily too. It seems common amongst my female friends as well!

Jibbajabba1 · 29/09/2022 00:34

I wouldn’t date him either

Weekenders · 29/09/2022 13:24

The term ick is as bad as yummy imo, but I wouldn't put up with all of that either.

decayingmatter · 29/09/2022 13:33

I dislike everything about him!

Jibbajabba1 · 29/09/2022 16:59

It’s the passive aggression more than anything

Geppili · 29/09/2022 18:14

Shudder.

AlongCameBetsy · 29/09/2022 18:21

I do not understand why women think something is wrong with them when they can't muster up sexual attraction for obvious arseholes.

It's obvious why you don't fancy him, OP, and it's because of his terrible behaviours.

BellePeppa · 30/09/2022 07:36

The demand ‘you need to listen’ would do it for me, never mind all the other stuff. Leave now while you’re not in deep.

DarkNecessities · 30/09/2022 07:54

Do you have any friends?

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