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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I get the ick really, really easily

125 replies

IckabodCrane · 27/09/2022 22:45

I’ve been on a couple of dates with someone, he does actually seem nice but I’ve got the ick already and I feel like something is wrong with me 😢

Reasons why…

  • he booked a restaurant for a date in a weeks time and asked me what I was going to have (we have time to decide!) and said it looked really “yummy”
  • overuse of emojis in messages - random wink faces and sticky out tongue faces
  • Weird passive aggressive behaviour - I jokingly mocked one of his food choices (after he had done the same to me so not completely out there cruel) and he then said my suggested food choice at the restaurant sounded “a bit boring”
  • said our town wasn’t very nice as there were lots of beggars - not a word I’m comfortable with

just not really feeling it tbh! Otherwise, the dates have been good, he seems nice, he can be funny, we have stuff in common, we find each other attractive… am I being way too picky and horrible?

key context is that I have been single for a long time (through choice I guess / not really looking?) but know I’ll be ok by myself ultimately so think I’m quick to shut things down.

OP posts:
DropOfffArtiste · 28/09/2022 06:46

You don't fancy him, just leave it.

littleburn · 28/09/2022 06:48

littleburn · 28/09/2022 06:46

I think the first two are good examples of the ick in action (that is they're fairly superficial things). The third is a red flag and the fourth suggest your values don't align, so there's an incompatibility. If you're back in the dating game after a while out I think it's important to know the difference!

That was in reference to your original post!

littleburn · 28/09/2022 06:49

But yeah, you just don't fancy him. No need for a third date and there's absolutely nothing wrong with you - you just have standards!

AlwaysGinPlease · 28/09/2022 06:50

@Person18885 well it's common to see it used here. HTH

Mostmarriedcouple · 28/09/2022 06:52

Thank you, NEXT!!

SheldontheWonderSchlong · 28/09/2022 07:03

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/09/2022 01:42

And I work in housing and 'too many beggars' would make me get the ick too. So mean, dismissive and heartless.

Genuinely interested- can I ask what's wrong with 😂?

I'm ND and really struggle with emojis - I thought it meant that you found something funny/laughing at a joke......bit worried now that I've been using it incorrectly and people think I'm an arsehole!

SheldontheWonderSchlong · 28/09/2022 07:04

Sorry @MrsTerryPratchett , quoted the wrong post

painauchocolatten · 28/09/2022 07:07

Mumsnet is an absolute joke sometimes.

If the OP had come on here and said some bloke had said all these things about her, you lot would be up in arms saying he's disgusting, disrespectful, she could do better, don't date him he's an arsehole etc.

But she's come on here saying it and somehow she's a saint for "putting up with it", and to end it because he's disgusting, disrespectful, she could do better etc. There are so many man haters on here that they honestly can't win.

OP - if you don't like him, don't go out with him. But you sound like a nasty piece of work. You've basically come on here and picked holes in every single little thing he's ever done which you find irritating. Fuck ME, I hope you never end up married because I'm not sure how you'll cope.

I just walked past the bathroom and my husbands pants are lying on the floor in front of the toilet. Ew - I think I'll probably leave him because it's given me the ick. At the end of the day; if you really like someone these things wouldn't bother you. If you don't like him, fine, but don't go around telling people that there's something wrong with him just because you find him irritating. Also, if you're asking whether you get the ick too quickly, the answer is yes.

AlwaysGinPlease · 28/09/2022 07:08

@painauchocolatten well, someone got out of the wrong side of the bed. That's just a nasty uncalled for post. Ignore it OP.

painauchocolatten · 28/09/2022 07:09

AlwaysGinPlease · 28/09/2022 07:08

@painauchocolatten well, someone got out of the wrong side of the bed. That's just a nasty uncalled for post. Ignore it OP.

Oh hahahahaha so that's nasty and uncalled for, but every single post on here slagging off this poor guy isn't?

lollipoprainbow · 28/09/2022 07:15

@painauchocolatten have to agree with you, OP sounds pretty awful. Just dump him don't come on here slagging the poor sod off.

vincettenoir · 28/09/2022 07:17

This post has really escalated!! But the truth is you just don’t fancy the guy so don’t make plans to see him again. You’ve done nothing wrong. He’s done nothing wrong. You’re just not a match. I hope you have more luck with the next guy. All the best.

AlwaysGinPlease · 28/09/2022 07:19

Ok so you two are slating a Mumsnet member in favour of a man you don't know. The op is allowed to post her feelings and her experiences on her own bloody post without you judging her and calling her " a nasty piece of work" honestly, have a word with yourselves 🙄

Sophieagain1984 · 28/09/2022 07:20

He doesn’t have initials AE does he? I can imagine my (long ago) ex doing all these things.

Trust the ick. He’s not right for you.

Sparkletastic · 28/09/2022 07:20

He'd deffo give me the ick too. I'd end it by text OP.

lollipoprainbow · 28/09/2022 07:22

@AlwaysGinPlease the OP has already clearly decided he's not for her so why come on here to ask others opinion. She sounds v childish.

thisbathiscoldnow · 28/09/2022 07:26

Person18885 · 28/09/2022 04:41

the only time i have ever heard the word ick used was from teenage girls in highschool

It's quite a common reference phrase used these days. I listen to a couple of podcasts where listeners are asked to write in with their funny 'icks' about people.

Op, you could write a book! 🤣

Agree though, this one's not for you.

3rdtimeisacharm · 28/09/2022 07:28

@AlwaysGinPlease The OP is just as much a stranger to me as the guy is. I don't know either of them, I'm looking at it completely objectively, unlike you apparently who is "favouring" a random woman on the internet who's come on here purely with the intention of listing lots of (generally innocent) traits about someone just to be spiteful. I don't need to have a word with myself thank you. I stand by my original comment, the OP is being nasty.

SheWoreYellow · 28/09/2022 07:30

SheldontheWonderSchlong · 28/09/2022 07:03

Genuinely interested- can I ask what's wrong with 😂?

I'm ND and really struggle with emojis - I thought it meant that you found something funny/laughing at a joke......bit worried now that I've been using it incorrectly and people think I'm an arsehole!

Show quote history

@SheldontheWonderSchlong It’s really fine. It tends to be used by my generation rather than teens (I’m in my 40s), but it’s just a bit predictable rather than offensive. I can see on social media that it’s not just my groups of friends that use it. It’s everywhere, so don’t worry about using it.

FindingMarbles · 28/09/2022 07:31

IckabodCrane · 28/09/2022 00:29

@FindingMarbles defo agree! Not all beggars are homeless and ofc not all homeless people are beggars. Don’t know what is the best word for it tbh, I feel like “people who are begging for money” somehow sounds better but can’t work out why?! It just seems like such a sweeping definition and just really makes me feel uncomfortable.

Yeah. I think it's because you are talking about begging as an action, rather than a characteristic or something more ingrained? Thanks for the reply. I don't know what to advise you really, I think you need not to have the ick with a romantic relationship! That's key! But also you say you get the ick really easily... My DH is quite quiet and thoughtful when he speaks and I have never once got the ick with him. Maybe that kind of personality would work for you?

This guy actually reminds me a bit of one of my friends and my friend is actually a great person who sometimes puts their foot in their mouth a bit. But it's a hell of a lot easier to not get bogged down with these details when you aren't in a romantic relationship with them!

Herejustforthisone · 28/09/2022 07:51

CheekyHobson · 28/09/2022 03:53

I reckon he sounds like he’s got a touch of Rik Mayall about him and I don’t mean than in a good way.

Does he make lame jokes and then look at you smiling in a hopefully expectant way?

Not Rik Mayall, Richie…

sinistersausages · 28/09/2022 08:16

The tongue emoji is the absolute worst... instant ick. Agree with PP about the last two making me cancel the date. I would also get the ick from the first two...

Ticksallboxes · 28/09/2022 10:09

So many icks!!

Just tell him you've found someone you're more compatible with and move on.

Re emojis though - I love them and litter my communication with them (although not the tongue one). Even my iPhone calendar entries have emojis in front of them!!

I hope he wasn't using the actual tongue emoji 👅 That's even worse!

SimoneSimone · 28/09/2022 11:20

All you people saying this guy would give you the ick too is laughable. What if you found him super attractive with great chemistry? The OP doesn't like him. She should stop wasting his time and find someone that doesn't irritate her. As for the needing the loo comments, WTF, better if he said dying for a piss?

MrJi · 28/09/2022 11:21

Sunnytwobridges · 27/09/2022 22:58

sticky out tongue faces.

Ugh, before I even read the rest of your reasons this made my skin crawl. My ex after a few years started sending me texts with the sticky out tongue emoji and for some reason it rubbed me the wrong way. Especially when he would send them with no words, just that emoji. It was the beginning of the end for me.

This.
Ughhhhh.