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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I get the ick really, really easily

125 replies

IckabodCrane · 27/09/2022 22:45

I’ve been on a couple of dates with someone, he does actually seem nice but I’ve got the ick already and I feel like something is wrong with me 😢

Reasons why…

  • he booked a restaurant for a date in a weeks time and asked me what I was going to have (we have time to decide!) and said it looked really “yummy”
  • overuse of emojis in messages - random wink faces and sticky out tongue faces
  • Weird passive aggressive behaviour - I jokingly mocked one of his food choices (after he had done the same to me so not completely out there cruel) and he then said my suggested food choice at the restaurant sounded “a bit boring”
  • said our town wasn’t very nice as there were lots of beggars - not a word I’m comfortable with

just not really feeling it tbh! Otherwise, the dates have been good, he seems nice, he can be funny, we have stuff in common, we find each other attractive… am I being way too picky and horrible?

key context is that I have been single for a long time (through choice I guess / not really looking?) but know I’ll be ok by myself ultimately so think I’m quick to shut things down.

OP posts:
MelroseGrainger · 30/09/2022 08:04

“I‘m dating this lovely woman, but she uses silly teenage phrases like ‘the ick’, gets visibly annoyed with me just because I took a wrong turn on the sat nav, treated me like a school child when I said I needed to use the loo, and made me feel like a total creep for complementing her by calling her attractive. Should I end it or am I being picky?” 😛

lollipoprainbow · 30/09/2022 08:09

@MelroseGrainger nice one 😀

ShandaLear · 30/09/2022 08:13

You don’t have to justify why you don’t see a future with him. This is beginning to sound like a mean girl conversation. You’ll be talking about how he leaves the lid off the toothpaste tube next. We get it - he has too many characteristics that annoy you so move him on.

BadNomad · 30/09/2022 08:19

Um you say "ick", use emojis, and mithered a grown man into going to the toilet. It sounds like you wouldn't date your self either.

Gillume · 30/09/2022 08:20

This exactly, I use Yummy and emoji’s don’t get me started use lots. Luckily DH doesn’t find this off putting, being in the company of teenagers at work all day is my excuse!
However sounds as if your not interested only fair thing to do is finish it.

Flyinggeesei234 · 30/09/2022 08:24

You don’t sound compatible. I’d end it OP.

For what it’s worth any one of those things would be enough for me. Emojis from a grown man? No.

Whataddsupthewayitdidwhenwewereyoung · 30/09/2022 08:41

🙈🤣Sorry but it’s all making me laugh.

Whats wrong about the grimace face when needing the loo, I’m thinking I maybe do this when I say I need the loo!

SpringIntoChaos · 30/09/2022 09:27

All of the things you've described would have had me running for the hills OP.

Except the word 'beggars' if he was using it contextually accurately. Are there a lot of beggars in your town? There are in my closest big town to be fair 🤷‍♀️ I'd say beggars...no idea if they are homeless or not, but they are definitely begging! Some quite aggressively! So if he is correct, then I'd give him a pass on this. But as for the rest...🤢

Phos · 30/09/2022 09:47

I wouldn't go on any more dates and lead him on. You clearly really dislike the guy.

SwordToFlamethrower · 30/09/2022 10:42

Girl, run! He seems basic af. No class and surface level intelligent. I'd have a problem with these things too. Does he talk to his male friends like this?

SwordToFlamethrower · 30/09/2022 10:45

CheekyHobson · 28/09/2022 03:53

I reckon he sounds like he’s got a touch of Rik Mayall about him and I don’t mean than in a good way.

Does he make lame jokes and then look at you smiling in a hopefully expectant way?

OP has he ever complemented you on your blouse at all?

1HappyTraveller · 30/09/2022 10:54

“Yummy” - ick

emojis - ewwwww

food choice - was it boring?

“beggar” - if people are begging? I don’t see the problem with this word 🤷‍♀️ But each to their own.

The first two points would have been enough on my part. This is an “it’s not me it’s you!” moment. Don’t go back.

1HappyTraveller · 30/09/2022 10:56

Also… just read your other posts on this thread. You quite clearly do not like this man.

londontousa · 30/09/2022 13:00

Perhaps he as Aspergers and just struggles with social normes? I say this as a parent of a 12 year ASF DS and I feel like this could be him in 10 years time….often getting it slightly wrong in terms of language and tone

Watchkeys · 30/09/2022 13:05

londontousa · 30/09/2022 13:00

Perhaps he as Aspergers and just struggles with social normes? I say this as a parent of a 12 year ASF DS and I feel like this could be him in 10 years time….often getting it slightly wrong in terms of language and tone

Why armchair-diagnose someone you don't like? Even if his behaviours are related to Aspergers, OP won't magically start enjoying them.

Clementine183 · 30/09/2022 13:17

He sounds a bit annoying and I can see why he would give you the ick, but I'm confused by what so many people are seeing in number 3 as a "red flag". Isn't this just fairly basic banter? OP jokingly criticised his food choice, he did the same. Not really a big deal...

gannett · 30/09/2022 15:41

Weird OP because your first three complaints are so innocuous that I'd have said that you get put off too easily (though the phrase "the ick" is a thousand times worse than "yummy").

But complaining about homeless people would have been an absolute, instant deal-breaker for me. As in, if I was on a date with a man who said that, I would get up and leave.

And then the updates about him invading your personal space and patronising you are pretty bad as well.

I don't know why you led with the harmless-sounding stuff!

Namedifferentorquestion · 30/09/2022 16:59

If you don't feel it then don't go.

ScreamingBeans · 30/09/2022 18:12

It's the listen one that ends it tbh. All the others, hmmm maybe... but that one. No. LTB.

FooFooFloofyFoof · 30/09/2022 18:32

For me it was calling you a “girl” that was the final nail in the coffin after telling you you must listen. He’s a condescending twat. Definitely NO!

ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat · 01/10/2022 07:52

Not sure why some posters are having a go at the op for daring to post on an anonymous forum with millions of members. It's not like she's down the local pub complaining about Brian that everyone knows. And yes, maybe he could absolutely write a similar post about her..fine. not everyone has to like everyone and both these people will probably make compatible partners with others. It's no crime to not be a good fit.

Banana2079 · 01/10/2022 11:02

all sounds like normal behaviour to me I think you are being unreasonable, He sounds like he’s into you and trying to have I love how is him saying your food choice is boring passive aggressive? You mocked his choice so he said that in return sounds like it was a joke maybe he should be running from you?

Banana2079 · 01/10/2022 11:03

All came out wrong bloody AutoCorrect, I am trying to say that what he said is not passive aggressive.. You were both making jokes about your food choices
Overuse of emojis Might be annoying but doesn’t mean he’s a bad person
He sounds like he likes you give him a chance

CookPassBabtridge · 01/10/2022 13:20

FooFooFloofyFoof · 30/09/2022 18:32

For me it was calling you a “girl” that was the final nail in the coffin after telling you you must listen. He’s a condescending twat. Definitely NO!

Hate it when men call women "girls".. both because it's patronising but also because it feels like they have a thing for young women. We don't call men boys.

layladomino · 01/10/2022 19:33

Another vote here for 'ick' being more annoying than 'yummy' by a margin.

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