Mum on a date - no contact!

[Shouldiworryaboutthis]

I’m not sure if I'm over-thinking things but my mother (late 50’s) went on a date today with a man from on-line dating. She said she would message me in the day to let me know how things were going, I have not heard from her and she hasn’t received/read any of the messages I’ve sent. She is quite a trusting person and in the past has allowed men from on-line dating come to her home for coffee when she knows very little about them. I advised against this and she has not (as far as I’m aware) done this since.
Should I be concerned?

Did she never say sorry for not picking up when you called her?
She must have seen your missed calls. Lots of them.

And if she was dropped off at home, she had plenty of time to text you last night.

It's just a bit weird, don't you think?

Glad she's okay, OP. You were quite correct to be concerned and I'd be furious with a friend/relative who was so lax about taking basic safety precautions.

She's behaving as naively as one by not putting basic risk management measures in place when meeting men from OLD.
Calling it 'reporting' is just reframing it as control, because you have no convincing argument for why its not sensible for a woman to protect herself in this way, do you?

Op honestly she’s not alone on her behaviour, this naive flipping out over a dude on a first date thing, as said my male friend is on line dating and women literally chuck themselves at him , I find it astonishing.

She did text last night

glad this was resolved op.

I’m glad she’s ok but I can see why you’d be worried as she sounds very naive and gullible.

She doesn’t always check her phone when she goes out and sometimes she’ll leave her phone in her bag and go to bed.

Ah apologies. You said she doesn't always check her phone ....

I still think it's odd that you called her, it rang, and you left messages and she waited till today to reply.

@JuliaDorneys what post did you read from the OP that stated she doesn’t like phones and hardly uses it?! People really will read what they want to read to suit their own narrative. As for “hippy dippy” jog on!!

@Shouldiworryaboutthis Your mum sounds lovely, glad she had a great date!

Ah sorry OP.

I missed that she texted you last night.
You do know that half of MN was waiting for your update!!!😂

The message was sent last. She'd been busy having fun. When she did finally look at her phone she responded. I don't understand why you think any of this is unusual.

So pleased all well.. fyi I spoke to my eldest (25) and she said 💯 you were right to be worried.. so glad she had a good date tho!!

How do you know she doesn't put “basic risk management measures in place”. She may well let friends know that she's doing. In this case it sounds like she was actually with friends. Why should she involve her DC? I have young adult children and I really wouldn't expect to report them regarding what I am doing and whether I have risk management measures in place.

Lol. You do realise for every ' very promiscuous' 50 something woman there's a whole bunch of 50 something men bragging about their (imaginary) sex lives to their gullible mates? I find it astonishing you take him at his word.

To be honest I think that line may already have been crossed. She was capable of raising children, perhaps give her a little more credit and stop trying to micromanage her life as if she's incapable of making her own decisions. There's a very fine line between being concerned and wanting to control. Perhaps a bit of introspection as to why you feel the need to have to know where she is and what she's doing might be helpful. Think about how uncomplimentary of her own abilities as a person that may come across. You almost seem to be trying to parent her.

Pleased your mum is ok :)

Yeah, almost like she's getting a bit fed up being checked up on.

Am I the only one who'd be more worried after reading that text?

I hope she's not being groomed for a cult or something

I haven't read the whole thread, just checked in for an update.
So this may well have been mentioned already.
Did you in your youth text your mum after every date? Did you let her know where you were at all times? Did you not ever meet someone at a party or pub or club and then go home with them or on to another party? Did you not ever give your parents an anxious night by not coming home when you agreed to?
How the tables have turned.

Ikr!

Sorry OP but this makes you sound controlling. It's not your place to make clear who she allows in her house. who she gives out her personal details to and I suspect "speaking about the concerns" will be how you think she should/should not behave. She is a grown woman able to make her own judgements, regardless of your views about them, so treat her as such. An " I'm glad you had a good time, you had me worried for a bit though" is all you need to say. If you carry on trying to micromanage her private life, you may find she doesn't tell you anything after a while.

Am I the only one who'd be more worried after reading that text?

I hope she's not being groomed for a cult or something

Nope you’re not the only one.

I think she’s very naive and silly and she probably has some sort of SN which makes her more vulnerable which is why OP was so worried about her.

I would say she’s probably just fallen for a man’s BS that he says to all of his dates to try and get them to have sex with him.

Unfortunately, too many women see a certain lifestyle (usually a wealthy one) and then completely ignore all of the red flags.

They’ve had 1 date and she sounds besotted already.

She's probably getting shagged senseless 🤣🤣. I would ring her a few more times and send a text. I'd go check on her in the morning if it's really out of character I'd go check on her if it makes you feel better.

Personally I would be fuming with her.. just as I would with a daughter.
USE the damn phone, let people know that you're safe, whatever your age. Bloody common sense.

Sorry OP but this makes you sound controlling. It's not your place to make clear who she allows in her house. who she gives out her personal details to

I think the older generation need to be aware of catfish and predators on the internet though.

Not everyone is up to speed on internet dating and they not realise that their are people out their who prey on the naive.