Mum on a date - no contact!

[Shouldiworryaboutthis]

I’m not sure if I'm over-thinking things but my mother (late 50’s) went on a date today with a man from on-line dating. She said she would message me in the day to let me know how things were going, I have not heard from her and she hasn’t received/read any of the messages I’ve sent. She is quite a trusting person and in the past has allowed men from on-line dating come to her home for coffee when she knows very little about them. I advised against this and she has not (as far as I’m aware) done this since.
Should I be concerned?

The highly offended quinquagenarians on the thread obviously don't know anyone who does online dating. It is absolutely basic OLD safety to tell a friend or family member that you are meeting someone, and to send a quick text to confirm that all is well at some point. I would be worried if any of my single friends or family, male or female, twenty-five or seventy-five, asked me to be this safety contact when they went on a first date and then went incommunicado.

I hope you have heard from her by now!

Have you heard from your mum?

Ignorant? How rude!

I’m guessing most of us telling the OP to dial it down are also in our late 50’s and still working whilst looking after (actual) elderly parents plus still supporting adult DC. and babysitting grandchildren etc.

I’d be both angry and mortified if any of my DC tried to suggest I wasn’t competent to live my own life however I choose, including taking the odd risk. We don’t become celibate after you lot leave home you know! 😂

Well said battery

I didn’t realise that having a ONS had an age limit? Oh deary me. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Has she turned up yet?
You're looking for a silly grin and some yawning.

Hope she's safe, OP. She might have been home early and fallen fast asleep. That happens to me...

I'm sure everything is fine and she forgot to message

My mum died earlier in the year.

My dad is out and about loads. Not dating admittedly (that I know of!)

With his own cancer a few years ago and then the pandemic and then caring for mum (she was ill for 5 years) the bloke needs and deserves a life.

He'll tell us what he's been up to. But we don't check up on him anymore than he checks up on our every move and trust him to make sensible choices.

Is there risk to what he does? Well yes! He goes paddle boarding - alone. Skiing with friends who don't have our contact details nor us there's.

But he has a right to live a free life how he sees fit.

Every time we step outside it's a risk. Hell - being inside is a risk. Right now I have my washing machine on which is a risk and it means my boiler will heat water that's a risk.

I agree with those who say perhaps the mum is sending a clear message that she wants to make her own choices and take her own risks. Whether we agree with her decision or not and whether OP likes it or not - she has a right to make that choice.

Perhaps she has told a friend though. Why should she report to OP?

I don't think thus is an age related worry, more an OLD one. I know younger people OLD , who check in with each other and would be equally concerned if they hadn't heard from a friend after a date.

I think the key message from all this is: text your nate not your child. If my mate was trying to get hold of me, fine. Freaking out my child, even though adult is not as fine, particularly if she's had a night of champagne and shagging.
Hope she gets in touch later and had a good time.

Maybe she has texted a friend though. She said that she would message OP about whether she was having a good time not as a safety measure.

Your mum got high. Sweeet!

Glad she's safe!

Not sure you can assess if somebody is truly who they say they are after one date! But that's another worry for another day!

Blimey! That's some message! Does she usually text long essays? For someone who doesn't like using her phone, that's remarkable!

I'm older than your mum and would be a bit fed up with a DD pestering me if on a date. (I'm assuming you are in your 20s/ early 30s maybe?)

The odds that she had come to harm was pretty low.

How are you going to play this now?

Personally if your mum lacks the streetwise-ness of OND, she needs to fess up. Like not asking men back to her place.

Is this a conversation you can have with her?

I don't feel it's right to act as her minder. She's an adult. Very much an adult.

Either she agrees to do safe OND and messages you or one of her mates to say all is ok, or you leave her to it.

What's it going to be?

(hidden) is such a unique kind of guy who's truly who he says he is by his knowledge and experience and friendships of genuine stock...

Who the heck writes phrases like ' of genuine stock'?

You mum sounds a one-off OP! 😂

She is not "behaving like an infant" by not reporting to her child.

I agree she can’t assess a man on one date and made it clear in the past not to let anyone know where she lives initially, as I did about allowing dates into her house for coffee, I also don’t agree with her getting into his car to go to a different town/city. I’m off course glad she’s had a nice time, she’s spent many years on her own, so i understand that maybe she just wants to enjoy herself. I will however be calling her tonight and speaking about the concerns but at the same time I don’t want to be an over-bearing daughter.

Please calm down! I didn't imply op's mum had to become celibate. Her mum said she would be in touch and then vanished. Hardly a suggestion she isn't competent to live her own life because she is worried.

If your mum was meeting someone off the internet and then disappeared and ignored calls and messages and you aren't concerned, then yeah you are ignorant.

There is plenty of advice about being safe with OLD on the very websites themselves. The decent ones, anyway.

Does she not have friends who can advise her?

Do you know her friends?

Can you ask them to have a word?

Is she is bit of a 'dippy hippy' - from the date she had?

Still amazed she wrote such a long text when you've said over and over that she doesn't like phones and hardly uses it.

Don't be childish. It's not being a cool 50 something, it's being naive.
Of course having a ONS has no age limit. But most of us acquire sufficient life experience as we go along to understand some things carry a risk. Allowing a man you've just met on OLD (which attracts more than its share of weirdos) into your home is one of them. Obviously people are entitled to take that risk if they want to, but there's no reason not to manage it by letting someone know where you are.
Everyone I know does this, young women and older ones. It's the way of the world these days.

@Shouldiworryaboutthis I am glad your mum is ok and had a nice time.

I didn’t say she doesn’t like phones and hardly uses it and yes she’s a very hippyish kind of woman. I am going to discuss some things with her tonight.

I doubt I’ll report back here now but just wanted to leave an update.